The Ballad of Chuck Terrain, The Horse Guy

Horse Guuuuyyyy, Horse Guuyyyyy,

He’s so hungry, he could eeeeat… himself. 


It was a sunny, balmy, breezy day when Chuck came into town

He flew first class and stomped a guy who made the attendant frown 

One cocktail too many,  had made him start to neigh 

The other travelers knew his game, so they did ALL give way


Horse Guuuyyyy, Horse Guuuyyyyy

He can put a saddlllllllllle….on himself


Chuck hit town, grabbed a cab, traveled to the Murder scene

The cops were there, all stumped and clueless and generally kinda mean

When Chuck walked in, he adjusted his tie and then he addressed all the sass

“Outta my way, an’ shut your mouths, unless you want a horse shoe up your ass”


Horse Guuuyyy, Horse Guuyyyyyy

The ladies love his coarrrrrse…demeanor…


From the angle of the knife thrust, Chuck knew the perp was short

Fella had tons of insurance, and the wife seemed a killing sort

All eyes on the wife, she just went nuts, and even had the gall

To pull a knife on Horse Guy, but he kicked her through a wall


Horse Guuyyyyy, Horse Guuuyyyy

He can kick you STRAIGHT through a wall….


Chuck collected his consulting fee and headed outta town

But first he thwarted a mugging, then bought his girl a gown

signed some autographs, shook some hands, even kissed some babies

But then he really had to get home to fight a monster rat with rabies


Horse Guuuyyyy, Horse Guuuyyy

His schedule iiiiiiiis quite full

His schedule……iiiiiis… quite full


HORSE GUY!

Can YOU get four…in a row?

I found myself wandering down an Amazon rabbit hole, or worm hole… there should be one dedicated term for when you go down one of these random, online maze journeys. I suppose if you find yourself just meandering around Amazon, letting the minutes–or hours fly by, I guess technically that could be called a Bezos hole. But I digress.

I was mentally strolling through the Bezos hole and happened upon some odd games.     The first one that drew my eye was the Donner Dinner Party game. 

This seems to add a fun twist to an evening get together, adding cannibalism. I did not want to look at any potential game pieces. “ha! You rolled a three, eat my femur! Haw!”

There was Secret Hitler, a rather unassuming looking game where I guess somebody’s Hitler in this spy thriller. I don’t know if the mustache is included.

There was an interesting spin on the old “Operation” game: “Hasbro Gaming Despicable Me 3 Edition Operation Game – Spanish Edition”. I *totally* missed the Spanish editions of the first two Despicable Me entries. Heck, I had no idea the Minions had organs to BE removed!

There’s the “Deadwood board game”. Maybe I should take a better  ******* look at this ********** since I was such a huge ******* fan of the ******* show. Maybe the loser gets eaten by pigs! 

Of course the always enjoyable “You’ve Got Crabs” board game. Perfect for date night. On the darker side, there’s the “Salem 1692” game, plenty of curses, dunking and drowning there. “Draw four and BURN WITCH BURN!” Heh, kids. If that theme isn’t depressing enough for the average game player, there’s always the game “Election Night”. Who *wouldn’t* have fun with Election Night?!?

But it was when I got to the Marvel Comics Black Panther *officially sanctioned* Connect Four game, did my lazy, Saturday morning start to come into focus. 

My first thoughts of course were all those scenes in Black Panther with all the characters’ innate fighting and weaponry skills. During many of these scenes–T’challa hopping on Klaw’s car, Okoye kicking ass with her staff, Shuri pulverizing bad guys with her gauntlets, my thoughts naturally drifted straight to wondering how all this would play out in a Connect Four game. As you do!

No, this wasn’t some misguided attempt to honor the late Chadwick Boseman. This is just how big business franchises work. Sadly.

But I only spent an hour thinking about the vast array of possibilities, because then I made another discovery.

From what I’ve observed, the very concept of competing with other people to be the first to slot four chips together into a vertical lattice might be the most amazing, popular and highly sought after game in the cosmos. 

I don’t know if Connect Four was the first to actually attach a name to this marvel, and maybe (?) tried to copyright it, or if there were already about a thousand variations of it and someone said hey, let’s make like we’re the official version– and then there were another thousand more that came along afterward.

Although I don’t know what can even be called the official version, as there’s a Connect 4, Hasbro Connect 4, Connect Four, variations on the same packaging, then then there’s the multitude of generic versions out there. Plastic, wood, various chip designs set some versions apart (this one has ridges!), etc.

But in your quest to eviscerate your opponents by making your four chips align flawlessly four times while they whimper in the corner, hopelessly blocked at aligning a mere three, you begin to ponder.

If *only* there was a version of this game so big, I’d have to assemble it in the back yard…

Well friends, I’ve got good news for you.

Yes, now you can have a giant version of this taking up a lot more space. Just imagine the majesty of setting up this monolith in the middle of your backyard! You can taunt your small children who can’t reach top, embarrass your teens by dancing around it and be the envy of all your neighbors, as they hang drooling and breathless on top of the painful, pointy, picket fence just wanting you or wanting to BE you.

Oh, but we’re not done yet, friends. 

You’re all done playing game, the neighborhood knows who the top bitch is in the cathouse but what ho? You’ve got to take the giant game down and put it away. Do you just put it back in its original box?

What are you, some kind of Secret Hitler?!?

No, because right now, for a limited time only, we have this amazing, sturdily constructed carry bag specifically designed for giant connect four games. Yes, it comes with a handle yes, it *probably* fits most versions of the many many MANY giant connect four games that Amazon clearly has a dedicated warehouse for by this point.

Act now!

That’s all for now, goodbye from the Bezos hole!

All hail Bezos.

(I, for one, welcome our Bezos overlord)

Always have a back up

Whenever possible, have a back up. An alternate plan, alternate exit– mind you, these are more useful to spies and gun fighters but you can still apply the notion to every day life. I have a cell phone if my landline goes out and vice versa. 

I have a crappy AT&T back up internet in case the much superior Xfinity broadband goes out. They’re both used primarily for my work and thus are a write off but since it’s work, I need the back up.

I’ve got the iPad Pro mobile set up for a back up when I don’t have access to my home set up.

An old iMac to go back to if the current one dies, however limiting that might be.

Still have the old flatbed scanner for scanning in images but in a pinch, the iPhone camera can be put into play if necessary. 

And on line, if I ever approach some purchase or merchandise site that looks even the least bit sketchy, — usually they’re fine but once in a blue moon, they’re not– I don’t use my primary credit card, or even my secondary or tertiary one, I use the end of the line back up. That way, the possible scam is easier to isolate and I can easily kill the card.

Granted, at times, I might go a bit too far with my back up scenarios. 

The most elaborate back up I ever committed to was an external generator to hook up to the house. This was years ago and while the thing was expensive, we never used or needed it. It just sat there gathering dust. For a decade.

It is extremely, extremely rare that we ever lose power for more than a few hours. 99% of the time, it’s just a momentary off and on.

We never had the opportunity to even test it. It ran on gas and would power some lights and the fridge. Bottom line though, it probably wasn’t the right generator for us.  Technically, we’d be better off with one of those whole house generators. Maybe some day.

So we eventually found a good home for the one we had with my cousin who has a house up in Ely Minnesota, and I believe they’ve already used it. 

At least it’s being used! 

So to recap, having a back up is usually a good idea.

But no need to go nuts.

“Service Time of The Doctor!”

Doctor Who first came on the air back in 1963 and the show’s gone through a lot of lead actors, producers, script editors, you name it. It’s even changed direction more than a few times, along with the length of episodes. Of all the actors to play the Doctor over the decades, many of them had stuck around for different lengths of time but some had to deal with very different seasons as far as season length went. So the number of years a person spent in the role was not exactly the most precise indicator of how much time that person was actually at the helm of the TARDIS.

For instance, first Doctor William Hartnell was in the lead role for only a little more than three seasons, departing near the beginning of season four due to ill health. Yet back in the 1960’s both he and Patrick Troughton were filming the show almost all year ‘round. Thus, Hartnell has more episodes in the can than any other Doctor except Tom Baker, who starred in the show for *seven* seasons!

So, to give credit where credit is due when it comes to just how much service time these folks put into traveling through time and space, I was curious, and thus, made a list. I originally put it together during the Matt Smith era and I just continued to update it after every season. Now first things first, I’ll list in order who played the Doctor in what years and in how many seasons:

William Hartnell: 1963 – 66, 3 seasons, 1973- The Three Doctors

Patrick Troughton: 1966 – 69, 3 seasons, ’73 “Three Doctors”, ’83, “Five Doctors”, ’85, “Two Doctors”

Jon Pertwee: 1970 – 74, 5 seasons, ’83, The Five Doctors

Tom Baker: 1974 – 81, 7 seasons

Peter Davison: 1981 – 84, 3 seasons

Colin Baker: 1984 – 86, 2 seasons

Sylvester McCoy: 1987- 89, 3 seasons

Paul McGann: 1996 tv movie, 2013 Night of the Doctor

John Hurt: 2013 The Name of the Doctor, The Day of the Doctor

Christopher Eccleston: 2005, 1 season

David Tennant: 2005 -10, 3 seasons, 8 specials

Matt Smith: 2010 – 13, 3 seasons, 5 specials

Peter Capaldi: 2013 – 17, 3 seasons, 4 specials

Jodie Whitaker: 2017 – present, 2 seasons, 1 special

Side notes — to provide a more or less even playing field in the count, since the vast majority of Doctor Who was usually in half hour installments, really about 23 minutes or so per episode and the new era consists of 44 minutes eps on average, I’ll be counting each new era ep as two episodes, as if they were two, 22 minute episodes. Fair’s fair. I’ll do the same for whichever classic seasons like 22 went with that format, since the whole point here is to see just how many episodes they appeared in, or how just how much story was packed into the era. 

So any classic ep of Doctor Who gets credited as one ep. Any new era, 44 minute ep gets credited as two eps. An hour long Christmas special will get credited as three eps. A full 90 minute or 100 minute movie gets credited as 4 eps. And in certain situations, an extra long new era ep that exceeds it’s 44 minutes by a substantial margin, like a series ender, etc. might get credited as 3 eps. Got it? Excellent.

Also, I’m only counting the tv show, not audio. That’s a whole different list. Here we go:

Tom Baker: 172 eps

William Hartnell: 134

Patrick Troughton: 132

Jon Pertwee: 131

David Tennant: 113

Matt Smith: 101

Peter Capaldi: 89

Peter Davison: 75

Colin Baker: 44

Sylvester McCoy: 43

Christopher Eccleston: 26

Paul McGann: 4+

John Hurt: 4

As of this writing, Jodie Whitaker is at 46 but she’s projected to go up to 69 with all three seasons and 3 specials, but we’ll see. That would place her under Davison and over Colin Baker.

The *other* interesting bit is Sarah Jane Smith. Although not a Doctor, here’s someone who appeared throughout all of Pertwee’s last season, two and half more in Tom Baker’s era, The Five Doctors, in a few episodes during the Tennant era, and had her own show for several seasons. *Her* tally would actually be 138 and would put her in *second* place, below Tom Baker — which is kind of amazing.

In any case, there you have it. A slightly different look at just “how long” some of these Doctors were actually in action.

The Kris Bryant situation

Sorry, I didn’t want to crowd this much baseball into such a short span of time… but all of baseball has been crammed into a short span of time. So, with the wacky, wild, extended playoffs where *everybody gets in–weeeeee* is about to start, I gotta talk about Bryant. The guy is a mess right now.

A lot of fans already got their torches and pitchforks out to round him up and force him off a cliff because he hasn’t performed any miracles lately. Screw them. We can joke about how fragile he is because he does seem to get injured a lot, but I think maybe we should stop short of crucifixion. 

Rossi… take him out and send him home and rest. Whether he likes it or not. 

Him stumbling up to the plate and feebly tapping the ball with his bum wrist, or going into the box without an elbow guard on for the first time in I don’t how many years– AND THEN GETTING HIT ON THE ELBOW BY A PITCH! Come on!

There may have been some funky karma/black magic working there, I don’t know.

It’s my firm belief that these players actually need to be mentally in the game 100% to do their best. I don’t think I’ll get much of an argument there. DISTRACTIONS are bad. Makes you sloppy, careless. If you’ve got things weighing on your mind, maybe you’re not paying attention to the game. Maybe COVID, the new baby at home, delayed free agency, and injuries are making him less than 100% in the concentration department. Maybe it becomes a vicious circle, I don’t know, I’m playing amateur psychologist.

But he is just not right at the moment. Send him home.

It’s not like the fate of the team is resting on his shoulders. Somehow, the Cubs are still in first place with one of the worst offenses in baseball. Rizzo, Shwarber, Baez, they’re all having horrendous seasons. Sending Bryant up to the plate to consistently fail isn’t doing anyone any good. Schwarber said that when Bryant’s up at the plate, they *know* good things are going to happen. After the last two seasons plagued with injuries, I don’t understand that belief. It borders on delusional while he’s like this.

And he has been plagued with injuries going back to what, 2018? He’s only 28 but he’s been having a rough go. It’s actually quite worrisome, because the last three seasons, he’s been getting more and more lost time due to injuries. 

Everyone’s hoping he comes back at some point before the end of the season to get some at bats, get his timing back, contribute. This is stupid/crazy talk. He’s injured. He hasn’t had good at bats all season. What makes you think he will now, in the worst shape he’s been in all year? Yeah, I know, he wants to compete. Him ambling around at the plate like a rag doll is not competing, it’s risking further injury, an even worse mental outlook and possibly his future.

Honestly, it’s probably a lucky break that he lost the case to get free agency after this season. Right now, no one would want him. Sad, but true. Certainly not for any 300 million dollar contract. But if he just hangs it up now and goes home, maybe he can come back 100% next year. Get back on track, have career year, hale, hardy and healthy.

The point is moot anyway, as without any bats, the Cubs probably aren’t going deep into the post season. So I don’t think having Bryant in the line up is going to make a difference one way or another.

But hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Bryant comes back in two days in perfect health, with a clear mind and starts going crazy at the plate, and somehow, his dominance affects the rest of the guys and for the first time since ’16, everyone’s actually playing up to their potential!

Time to rub a unicorn for good luck. 

Call it a Rubber Match

Stretchable heroes. Good guys whose main super ability is that of stretching. There have been a number of these characters over the decades and stretching has been –to varying degrees–integral to the character. But credit to the various comic companies for giving us a twist in each case to differentiate the characters.

Stretching, by and large, is seen as a somewhat goofy power, but in the world of comics and cartooning, it can be visual gold. It gives writers and artists’ imaginations a workout and opens up visual possibilities. So yeah, you can play the ability for laughs or go deeper, more dangerous.

It started in 1941 with Plastic man in Police Comics #1 from Quality Comics (later acquired by DC Comics). Of course Plas is about more than *just* stretching. His name was Patrick “Eel” O’Brian, a criminal who got shot and ended up in a chemical bath which -after seeping into his wound–transformed and transmuted his cellular structure. He can literally form any shape, going flat as a pancake or inflate to the size of a dirigible. Blast a hole through him with a cannon, he’ll just close up the hole. Rip him apart, he’ll just reform. He has total control over his molecular structure and can assume any shape, or take the appearance of anyone. After gaining his powers, he decided to go straight. He is the physical embodiment of a cartoon. And his personality is that of Jim Carrey in his wackier movies. *Missed opportunity there, Hollywood! Although at one point, he did get his own Saturday morning cartoon show, for however long that lasted.

Plas has usually been played for laughs and worked as a bit player here and there providing comic relief. Maybe his biggest moment in the spotlight was being member of the Justice League of America under writer Grant Morrison. He’s had a couple of series over the years as well. His sometimes sidekick back in the day was another, broader level of comic relief in the form of Woozy Winks. I include Plas on this list because he stretches but stretching, really, is kind of the least of his abilities when you come down to it. A character like that who literally can’t be hurt or maybe not even be able to die, seems like even after almost 80 years, we’ve only scratched the surface on this guy. 

In 1960, DC Comics editor Julius Schwartz, writer John Broome, penciler Carmine Infantino and inker Murphy Anderson created a sort of sidekick/guest star for the Flash in his book.  They wanted a stretchy guy so they created Ralph Dibny, The Elongated Man. Ralph basically drank a concentrated extract of Gingold, which made him elastic. Schwartz and company only went to this trouble because they hadn’t realized that DC bought the rights to Plastic Man. They could have saved themselves the effort but in the end, The Elongated Man was born. 

But what set Ralph apart? He was the polar opposite to Plastic man, as stretching was his main and only power, period. But he was also a detective and when he sensed a mystery, his rubbery nose twitched. Eh–It was the ’60’s and it was DC Comics. But maybe his biggest and best defining character was his love for his wife Sue. For many a year, they made a great team, solving cases together, and both served as members of Justice League Europe. Unfortunately, after the mid ’80’s, comics began to get darker and darker and fans ate it up, so they got darker and darker. A whole miniseries called Identity Crisis centered around the graphic rape and brutal murder of Sue Dibny, which spun off Ralph on a downward spiral and things just got steadily darker from there. 

In 1961, Marvel decided to try their hand at a stretchy superhero, when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby brought us the Fantastic Four. What makes Reed Richards maybe the most impressive character on this list is that his stretching abilities, acquired by exposure to cosmic rays along with the rest of the FF, are, for Reed, a side note. He really doesn’t even need them when it comes right down to it. 

Because he’s the smartest guy on the planet, and he’s the leader of the team. A team which includes his wife Sue, brother in law Johnny and best friend Ben, three of the most powerful and dangerous people on earth. And if need be, he can stretch. Reed has historically been one of the most respected leaders, heroes and big brains in the business. The only nod to any flashiness was his chosen superhero name of Mr. Fantastic. Eh, it was ’61, Stan was excited. Bottom line, Richards’ brain saved this planet, this universe more times than you’d think. And he stretches.

Of course, *when* he stretches, he can be very dangerous. It all depends on how angry he is and what the situation calls for.

Honorable mention #1 goes to Rita Farr, Elasti-girl of the Doom Patrol. First appearing in 1963, thanks to the affect of consuming strange volcanic gases on location filming for her latest film, Rita could grow to the size of a giant or shrink down to a couple inches tall. She could also just size up or down any part of her body. But her name was Elasti-girl, so, okay. She’s also been tied to the Teen Titans off and on through the decades and appears on the Doom Patrol tv show. I’m not entirely sure if she classifies as a shape-changer, a hero that changes size, or both, and sometimes the effect seems to be like stretching.

Honorable mention #2 goes to teenage Kamala Khan, who first appeared in 2013, and thanks to Inhuman genes, she acquired shapeshifting abilities, which she appears to utilize by means of enlarging her limbs, or fists or stretching. Kind of seems to be similar to the Rita Farr conundrum. This relative newbie to the superhero world will be getting her own Disney Plus tv show as well. 

But a search through the ‘net reveals other characters I either forgot or never heard of…

*Thin man – evidently predating Plastic Man, this Marvel character climbed a mountain and had his body altered by the people he found there. He gained elasticity, could become very thin, and battled along side Captain America and others during WWII. I never heard of this guy, so I’m not sure if his stretchability ended at just thinning him out or what.

*Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece eats Gum gum fruit and gained elasticity which he uses to great advantage in hand to hand combat, which, when you think about it, makes all the sense in the world, extending your reach, focusing more power into punches and kicks.

*Offspring — Luke O’Brian, the son of Plastic man, seemingly with all his abilities. Don’t know if he survived the many DC reboots like the New 52 and Rebirth.

*Skin– this mutant connected with Generation X can stretch… his skin. I’m not sure how that worked out for him.

*Rubbermaid– also connected to the X-men, she was actually made of rubber, which allowed her remarkable elasticity but, unlike some who were more durable, she also was vulnerable to anything that could effect rubber, such as fire.

There are others in the flat category, Flat-man, or Paper doll, basically flat characters who can stretch, others who are more metal or liquid metal like the X-men’s Mercury or members of DC’s Metal men.

And yes, I could very well be forgetting someone, a random villain or various independent characters who never got the spotlight.

I’d investigate further, but my schedule’s just not that flexible.

Down the YouTubes – part two

Another area of humanity that’s really letting down the side is all the hate culture on YouTube. You name a nerd culture show or franchise and YouTube has got hundreds of channels with videos to help you realize how horrible they are. Why they now suck and who ruined them and how. Let’s take an example.

Doctor Who. I feel I can speak intelligently on this subject.

There are plenty of videos where you can get all the details about how RUINED Doctor Who forever more. How it’s been eviscerated and utterly destroyed. How Satan has taken a squat on it. Anyway…

Now, I’ve shown my immense displeasure at what Chris Chibnall has done to the show since he came in in 2018. His stewardship of the show and his writing of it have been pretty bad. It has diminished the show and the ratings have been falling steadily for two straight seasons, even though season 12 was *slightly* better than 11. 

*The YouTube HATE brigade will inform you in no uncertain terms that the show is now whimpering at the mercy of “feminazis” and “SJW’s” and that Doctor Who is utterly RUINED! FAIL!!! Etc. and they will go on and on about agendas and how dare they make the Doctor a woman, blah blah blah. 

That’s unfortunate because there is a ton of raw hate out there and YouTube gives us all of it. 

Now, IS there an agenda to these Doctor Who eps? Yes. There’s almost always been agenda to some extent with most shows because all writers usually like and want to send a message in their work of some sort. The problem comes when the writer in question is such a hack that it becomes blisteringly obvious what the agenda is and the viewer feels like they’re getting bludgeoned over the head with said message. This, unfortunately, is the kind of writer Chibnall is. 

Classic Doctor Who quite often had messages and agendas, but they were woven neatly cell into stories with heart, action, drama and humor. 

So make no mistake, it’s not women or SJW’s that are hurting Doctor Who, it’s just Chris Chibnall.

The nice thing is that no matter how bad Chibnall or his ideas are, he can’t “ruin” Doctor Who. He can give us a pretty bad era– currently approaching the worst era ever at this rate– but it’s one era. We’ve had a bad era before. When he leaves and a new showrunner comes in, it’s a new beginning.

But DW is just one example. Star Wars, the MCU, Batman, the DCCU, you name it, you get the same anger spewing forth. DESTROYED!!! RUINED!!! Lots and lots of anger in the fan community. REALLY a lot of anger toward women in general. It really speaks poorly of any group but the nerds get very vocal. 

Star Wars is another one. It doesn’t help that the sequel trilogy was such an unoriginal, uncoordinated rehash, but when Rian Johnson wanted to think outside the box for a second with The Last Jedi and try something new, the closed minded SW fans blew a gasket. And the hate poured in. Hate, hate, hate. 

It’s unfortunate but then again, there’s a lot of that going on in real life in 2020 too. 

Aside from the advice “be nice”, I got nothing.

Down the YouTubes – part one

When is posting up out and out BS click-bait titles for videos going to become a crime punishable by having your YouTube account taken away? 

I’m a huge fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and superhero tv shows in general. Almost every day, I see some AMAZING ANNOUNCEMENT or BREAKING NEWS or CONFIRMATION or THE RUMORS ARE TRUE! notification about upcoming productions. 

Of course, when you open the video, there is no breaking news, confirmation, nothing. No, just another fast talking host blaring out plenty of sound and fury, but signifying NOTHING. They have no news, no startling revelations and worst of all, some of these “celebrities” just keep rambling without ever getting to the point, if they even have one in the first place. Somehow, these people are getting thousands of views for having absolutely NOTHING to say. Amazing.

I fell for it the first couple times. Because I was silly enough to think there was a bit of integrity or honesty with these channels wanting to actually inform people. But, instead, it’s just a bunch of click bait to up their views. A WHOLE lot of crying wolf to an operatic degree. It’s unfortunate because when *any* channel says they’ve got news now, I don’t waste my time. I’ll wait for some credible source.

I won’t mention the names of these channels as they don’t deserve the bump.

Next: IT’S RUINED!

Do I want a pet?

No, I do not.

That seems a bit thin for a blog if I stop there, so I’ll expand.

Pets are more trouble than they’re worth– to me.

Don’t get me wrong– a lot of pets are loving, lovely and adorable. 

I guess maybe I think about pets the way some people think about kids.

They’re nice to experience during a visit but I’m happy to not have to deal with them all the time. 

I also don’t want a pet because I’d get too emotionally wrapped up in it. 

We once had a bird. I was not in favor of getting a bird. It annoyed the hell out of me. Loud, piercing chirping all day, all the time.

I work at home, everyone else was gone during the day, so I’m the one who had to listen to it. One day, I took the cage out onto the deck, so the bird could be outside. I did not realize the cage door was open. 

The bird flew away and never came back. 

I hated the bird and at the same time, I was now worried and horrified at what I’d done and felt miserable. After the family got over the shock, they started to mock me, insinuating maybe I mistakenly did it on purpose. Ha.

Yay, pets.

40 years ago, my mother took in a stray cat, I did not want a cat –and specifically stated that I don’t want a cat because I’ll get too emotionally attached to it—but for some reason, she kept the cat and I had to share in the maintenance. We knew nothing about this cat or where it had come from. One day it went nuts, got violent and I don’t remember what happened to it. I think mom took it to a vet, I’m not even sure. Came home and the cat was gone. 

There are other stories but they all ended badly.

There’s no way I’m going outside and walking a dog in the middle of winter and then  have to pick up after it. And I’m far more of a dog person than a cat person. Maybe that’s due to past experience.

My wife is not a big fan of dogs because she was bitten by a German Shepherd when she was a kid. So we have a kind of pact. No dogs, no cats. She snuck the bird in on a technicality.

I’m also very allergic to some breeds of dogs and cats.

I’ve known people who’ve bought pets that had major medical issues (and major medical bills), behavioral issues, shedding issues, attitude issues, you name it. 

No thank you. 

And no, having pets is *nothing* like having kids. Kids have ten times the upside and 36 more dimensions. Inevitably, the pet scenario ends in heartbreak.

Mind you, that’s just me. I’m not big on going out on an emotional limb.

Your mileage may vary.

And yes, if a dog or a cat were big enough, they WOULD eat you.

Some idiots keep tigers for pets. It’s juuuuust a matter of time.

Don’t wear the meat-scented cologne.

PETS!

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