The Ballad of Chuck Terrain, The Horse Guy

Horse Guuuuyyyy, Horse Guuyyyyy,

He’s so hungry, he could eeeeat… himself. 


It was a sunny, balmy, breezy day when Chuck came into town

He flew first class and stomped a guy who made the attendant frown 

One cocktail too many,  had made him start to neigh 

The other travelers knew his game, so they did ALL give way


Horse Guuuyyyy, Horse Guuuyyyyy

He can put a saddlllllllllle….on himself


Chuck hit town, grabbed a cab, traveled to the Murder scene

The cops were there, all stumped and clueless and generally kinda mean

When Chuck walked in, he adjusted his tie and then he addressed all the sass

“Outta my way, an’ shut your mouths, unless you want a horse shoe up your ass”


Horse Guuuyyy, Horse Guuyyyyyy

The ladies love his coarrrrrse…demeanor…


From the angle of the knife thrust, Chuck knew the perp was short

Fella had tons of insurance, and the wife seemed a killing sort

All eyes on the wife, she just went nuts, and even had the gall

To pull a knife on Horse Guy, but he kicked her through a wall


Horse Guuyyyyy, Horse Guuuyyyy

He can kick you STRAIGHT through a wall….


Chuck collected his consulting fee and headed outta town

But first he thwarted a mugging, then bought his girl a gown

signed some autographs, shook some hands, even kissed some babies

But then he really had to get home to fight a monster rat with rabies


Horse Guuuyyyy, Horse Guuuyyy

His schedule iiiiiiiis quite full

His schedule……iiiiiis… quite full


HORSE GUY!

Can YOU get four…in a row?

I found myself wandering down an Amazon rabbit hole, or worm hole… there should be one dedicated term for when you go down one of these random, online maze journeys. I suppose if you find yourself just meandering around Amazon, letting the minutes–or hours fly by, I guess technically that could be called a Bezos hole. But I digress.

I was mentally strolling through the Bezos hole and happened upon some odd games.     The first one that drew my eye was the Donner Dinner Party game. 

This seems to add a fun twist to an evening get together, adding cannibalism. I did not want to look at any potential game pieces. “ha! You rolled a three, eat my femur! Haw!”

There was Secret Hitler, a rather unassuming looking game where I guess somebody’s Hitler in this spy thriller. I don’t know if the mustache is included.

There was an interesting spin on the old “Operation” game: “Hasbro Gaming Despicable Me 3 Edition Operation Game – Spanish Edition”. I *totally* missed the Spanish editions of the first two Despicable Me entries. Heck, I had no idea the Minions had organs to BE removed!

There’s the “Deadwood board game”. Maybe I should take a better  ******* look at this ********** since I was such a huge ******* fan of the ******* show. Maybe the loser gets eaten by pigs! 

Of course the always enjoyable “You’ve Got Crabs” board game. Perfect for date night. On the darker side, there’s the “Salem 1692” game, plenty of curses, dunking and drowning there. “Draw four and BURN WITCH BURN!” Heh, kids. If that theme isn’t depressing enough for the average game player, there’s always the game “Election Night”. Who *wouldn’t* have fun with Election Night?!?

But it was when I got to the Marvel Comics Black Panther *officially sanctioned* Connect Four game, did my lazy, Saturday morning start to come into focus. 

My first thoughts of course were all those scenes in Black Panther with all the characters’ innate fighting and weaponry skills. During many of these scenes–T’challa hopping on Klaw’s car, Okoye kicking ass with her staff, Shuri pulverizing bad guys with her gauntlets, my thoughts naturally drifted straight to wondering how all this would play out in a Connect Four game. As you do!

No, this wasn’t some misguided attempt to honor the late Chadwick Boseman. This is just how big business franchises work. Sadly.

But I only spent an hour thinking about the vast array of possibilities, because then I made another discovery.

From what I’ve observed, the very concept of competing with other people to be the first to slot four chips together into a vertical lattice might be the most amazing, popular and highly sought after game in the cosmos. 

I don’t know if Connect Four was the first to actually attach a name to this marvel, and maybe (?) tried to copyright it, or if there were already about a thousand variations of it and someone said hey, let’s make like we’re the official version– and then there were another thousand more that came along afterward.

Although I don’t know what can even be called the official version, as there’s a Connect 4, Hasbro Connect 4, Connect Four, variations on the same packaging, then then there’s the multitude of generic versions out there. Plastic, wood, various chip designs set some versions apart (this one has ridges!), etc.

But in your quest to eviscerate your opponents by making your four chips align flawlessly four times while they whimper in the corner, hopelessly blocked at aligning a mere three, you begin to ponder.

If *only* there was a version of this game so big, I’d have to assemble it in the back yard…

Well friends, I’ve got good news for you.

Yes, now you can have a giant version of this taking up a lot more space. Just imagine the majesty of setting up this monolith in the middle of your backyard! You can taunt your small children who can’t reach top, embarrass your teens by dancing around it and be the envy of all your neighbors, as they hang drooling and breathless on top of the painful, pointy, picket fence just wanting you or wanting to BE you.

Oh, but we’re not done yet, friends. 

You’re all done playing game, the neighborhood knows who the top bitch is in the cathouse but what ho? You’ve got to take the giant game down and put it away. Do you just put it back in its original box?

What are you, some kind of Secret Hitler?!?

No, because right now, for a limited time only, we have this amazing, sturdily constructed carry bag specifically designed for giant connect four games. Yes, it comes with a handle yes, it *probably* fits most versions of the many many MANY giant connect four games that Amazon clearly has a dedicated warehouse for by this point.

Act now!

That’s all for now, goodbye from the Bezos hole!

All hail Bezos.

(I, for one, welcome our Bezos overlord)

Always have a back up

Whenever possible, have a back up. An alternate plan, alternate exit– mind you, these are more useful to spies and gun fighters but you can still apply the notion to every day life. I have a cell phone if my landline goes out and vice versa. 

I have a crappy AT&T back up internet in case the much superior Xfinity broadband goes out. They’re both used primarily for my work and thus are a write off but since it’s work, I need the back up.

I’ve got the iPad Pro mobile set up for a back up when I don’t have access to my home set up.

An old iMac to go back to if the current one dies, however limiting that might be.

Still have the old flatbed scanner for scanning in images but in a pinch, the iPhone camera can be put into play if necessary. 

And on line, if I ever approach some purchase or merchandise site that looks even the least bit sketchy, — usually they’re fine but once in a blue moon, they’re not– I don’t use my primary credit card, or even my secondary or tertiary one, I use the end of the line back up. That way, the possible scam is easier to isolate and I can easily kill the card.

Granted, at times, I might go a bit too far with my back up scenarios. 

The most elaborate back up I ever committed to was an external generator to hook up to the house. This was years ago and while the thing was expensive, we never used or needed it. It just sat there gathering dust. For a decade.

It is extremely, extremely rare that we ever lose power for more than a few hours. 99% of the time, it’s just a momentary off and on.

We never had the opportunity to even test it. It ran on gas and would power some lights and the fridge. Bottom line though, it probably wasn’t the right generator for us.  Technically, we’d be better off with one of those whole house generators. Maybe some day.

So we eventually found a good home for the one we had with my cousin who has a house up in Ely Minnesota, and I believe they’ve already used it. 

At least it’s being used! 

So to recap, having a back up is usually a good idea.

But no need to go nuts.

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