How *did* this Doctor Who addiction start? (Probably Part 1)

The year is 1980. I’m puttering around the house, local PBS station on in the background. Suddenly, I hear this music. Eerie, different…enough to get me looking at what’s going on. The screen is filled with a blue tunnel effect…we’re speeding down it. A blue box appears and is traveling down the tunnel. Then this man appears in the foreground, curly hair, big eyes. It gives the effect he’s bigger than Time. Then he disappears and this diamond logo comes into view. “Doctor Who“. It’s a powerful, penetrating set of visuals, resulting in an episode title, “The Brain of Morbius“, written by Robin Bland. 

What the hell is this?

We see an alien creature crawling along the set of an alien world, until it’s killed by some large man. The setting and lighting remind me of Masterpiece theater, the on set video look. The scene shifts elsewhere on the planet to where the blue box appears out of nowhere. The man with the curly hair exits the box along with a cute girl. The man shouts to the heavens, the story goes on and my world has changed forever. 

I later found out that that particular episode was a copy that they neglected to add in the special effects, sound effects or background music, which made things seems a bit more odd than usual. A mistake that really presented the whole episode at its worst, technically speaking. I didn’t know and I didn’t care. 

This was magnificent. This was science fiction, science fantasy and wonder. This was a live play in front of my eyes, dealing with time travel, mad scientists and monsters. This was a curly haired madman that was compelling, magnetic, and a booming voice that could command any situation, any room. I was in. Hooked. Lost and found. And I had no idea what I was in for… for the next 40 years.

When next I visit this topic, it’ll be about the conventions, Channel 11 WTTW and those formative fan years.

The Big Disney Trip

It was probably around a decade ago that the four us made THE trip to Disney World. We’d been there a few times before when the kids were younger but now they were in their early to mid teens and we’d passed the point of having to constantly keep an eye on them, which made for a more relaxing trip in general. We did an 8 day trip through Christmas itself with full park hopper passes/fast passes, so we could go anywhere, anytime. 

Having had experience going there in the past, I formulated a plan to take maximum advantage of the parks, without utterly exhausting everyone with walking 10 hours a day. The plan was simple — generic example: First day, you get up early, go the Magic Kingdom, maybe hit something like the Haunted House and Pirates of the Caribbean and maybe something else. It’s first thing in the morning, so you’re able to hit all three without much of a wait, then, as the crowds start to get thicker, you leave the park, taking note of a couple more rides you want to go on. *Those* you go on in a few days, when you start with this park again. Mid day, you take it easy, maybe have lunch at one of the countries in Epcot, but basically lounge a bit. Then, you’re fresh and ready for the afternoon session, maybe hitting Animal Kingdom, going on a couple rides, while making notes of the most popular ones, and to hit *those* when you start the day with the AK. After dinner, you can hit a third park, hit a couple rides that are available, make notes for the morning, etc. and with 8 days to play with, you can start the day with each of the parks at least twice while you’re there. 

This worked really well. We never had to rush or compete or jockey for position. We pretty much hit all the highlights in all the parks. Some twice. I think my favorite of all was Expedition Everest, in the Animal Kingdom. It was the ultimate in design/ride/experience. The atmosphere as you wait in line is pure Tibetan, as you see the great mountain in the distance, a beautifully constructed mini mountain that the coaster runs through. It starts out as a coaster as you pierce the mountain but then slows and stops *inside*, as ahead, right around the bend, you see shadows of where the track has been destroyed, broken and bent, as another shadow, that of a giant yeti is roaring and coming toward you. The coaster starts to slowly back up and escapes from the advancing mountain, then does the whole coaster ride backward to the end. Simply brilliant and beautiful. We went on it at night and during the day. Lots of great experiences there as always. The dinosaur ride in Epcot was great, Soarin’ was fantastic. So many great rides, plus the old favorites. 

And the food. Oh, do yourself a favor and make reservations a few days in advance for dinner or lunch at some of the countries in Epcot. We had a late lunch in Canada as per a recommendation and we had steak with mushroom risotto that was maybe the best I’d ever had. 

The weather was just about perfect the entire time. Florida around Christmas is usually sunny, in the 50’s or 60’s during the day, perfect for walking around the park. We really only had one night where it dropped down into the 30’s when we were at an outdoor concert, but the rest of the time, it was perfect. The crowds were moderate at worst, allowing us plenty of time and usually pretty short lines, except smack dab in the middle of the day, when we were on siesta. Really, the only day it got crazy busy packed with people was our last day there. It got so crowded, I guess it was December 29th or so, that they actually had to put up the “PARK IS FULL” sign. it worked out perfectly for us though, as we’d already hit everything we wanted to go on via “the plan”. 

When it comes to evaluating a vacation, sometimes it comes down to “how little went wrong?” In this case, pretty much nothing went wrong. We had a relaxing plan, worked like a charm, saw everything, had fun, ate like kings and queens. Lin and I pretty much decided that it was *such* a comprehensively good time all around, we probably wouldn’t have to ever come again. There’d be no way to top it.

At best, we might go there some day with the grandkids.

ABSOLUTELY NO RUSH ON THAT, because the thing IS.

Follicular Mane-crafting

With a full seven months of unabated hair growth since January first, I find that the longer my hair gets, the tighter and thicker the curls get, *especially* on the sides and the back. Well, the back …. I may as well have a poodle sitting on the back of my head at this point, that’s how thick it is.

 

My wife and daughter have viewed it as a creative outlet and, having nothing better to do most days, I relented to their pleas. 

Evidently, the waves on top were inspiration enough for several seascapes and a setting of ocean danger. 


Look out, Johnny! ‘Tis the Kraken!


And I’m assuming its Flipper to the rescue.


I have no idea what all they added but blue paint was involved. 


HAIR!

“The Swedes” from The Umbrella Academy- Very Probably not Plagiarism…

I’m currently half way through the second season of The Umbrella Academy, a very well done show on Netflix. It tells the story of seven people with various superpowers who were all born on the exact same day 30 years ago under very mysterious circumstances. Each were also purchased as infants by the eccentric scientist and inventor, Reginald Hargreeves. He then adopted and molded them into a world saving team known as The Umbrella Academy.  

The series is based on the comic books of the same name by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba. Before the Netflix series, I really hadn’t heard of the comic, but the tv series isn’t an exact adaptation of the series, in that I guess things are shuffled around and changed for the sake of the adaptation by showrunner Steve Blackman. Some story elements and characters were created specifically for the show and were not created in the earlier comic.

That’s all well and good but IN this second season, imagine my surprise when I was introduced to a trio of white haired, silent Nordic assassins who are referred to as “The Swedes”. 

Heyyyyyy…

Now, yes, MY graphic novel, The Swede, debuted last year, and featured a quiet, white haired assassin as well, albeit not some time traveling version, just the garden variety assassin that has a penchant for snapping necks, but still, The Swede.

Another big difference between The Swede and The Swedes, is that my character prefers working with his hands, while the trio is loaded up with tons of guns. 

Is it at ALL slightly possible that Steve Blackman saw something of my character in an ad or a visual somewhere and was influenced? Yes. Is it *likely*? Probably not.

Because they started filming season two a year ago, so it’s undoubtedly just a coincidence and a tangential one at that. Plus, that’s a tv show and they hadn’t used The Swedes in the comic. 

However…. if they DO ever end up using The Swedes in a follow up comic, let it be known that I came up with the name of mine and produced my series first. 

Just putting it out there.

Just saying. 

Consider this an official planting of the flag. 

My Swedish flag. 

And in the spirit of camaraderie and cross-promotion, if Mr. Blackman, Mr. Way or Mr. Ba would like to publicly mention or check out any of The Swede graphic novels that are currently available … on Amazon, LINKED HERE and HERE…. internationally as well, LINKED HERE and HERE, that would be wonderful and I’d certainly appreciate it.

Thank you. 

Tv and movie optioning rights are also available. Just sayin’.

Because the thing IS. 

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (L to R) AIDAN GALLAGHER as NUMBER FIVE, EMMY RAVER-LAMPMAN as ALLISON HARGREEVES, ROBERT SHEEHAN as KLAUS HARGREEVES, TOM HOPPER as LUTHER HARGREEVES, DAVID CASTAÑEDA as DIEGO HARGREEVES and ELLEN PAGE as VANYA HARGREEVES in episode 206 of THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. COURTESY OF NETFLIX/NETFLIX © 2020

But She Also Can Act

I think it might have been while watching The Devil’s Advocate, probably when it first came out in ’97. Pretty good flick, and I thought “You know, this girl Charlize Theron is good but let’s face it, she’s no Ashley Judd.” And I started referring to her as the poor man’s Ashley Judd. This of course was unfair but Hollywood. Ashley was the absolute best and then I never saw her again. 

Then only a few years later when Charlize was doing guest shots on Arrested Development did I realize that she was the best ever and Ashley Who? Because Hollywood. Also, I guess I’m fickle. 

I figured Judd just retired from acting, bought a farm, took up marine biology, etc., who knows? Because she was never heard from again. 

But in researching this blog to determine when she utterly and completely abandoned Hollywood, a quick look at her IMDB page told me that she never left. She just hasn’t done anything I’ve really been interested in for the last couple decades. Sorry Ashley. Mind you, I also hadn’t *heard* about anything she was in fir 20 years, so maybe that’s on her press agent.

However, I am all about Charlize Theron. 

The whole family was watching The Old Guard on Netflix the other night–thumbs up– and it’s a testament to Ms. Theron, that the “question of “what do we all want to watch” was answered more quickly than at any time in history. It’s a very good film adaptation of a comic that deals with a group of immortal commandos who try and do good.

Recommended.

Afterward, I thought back to a few other recent Theron films like Atomic Blonde and Mad Max: Fury Road and I realized that Charlize is really one of our top level movie action heroes these days. Roughly the same type of heroes we’ve seen in the Rambo, Die Hard, Terminator, Transporter, Fast & the Furious and John Wick films over the decades. But here’s an unexpected added dimension regarding all the leads:

She can actually act and her action films have a bit more depth.

Quality acting is certainly never a given in these films. You know what I’m taking about. T2 is still one of the all time greatest action films of all time, John Wick manages an unparalleled kill count and the F&F films have somehow built and maintained a huge audience but these films are definitely not huge because of the acting prowess of Arnold, Keanu or Vin. They just cleanly deliver a certain amount of cheesy dialog that works in the pertinent scenarios. Lots of cliches to go around.

Tom Cruise is not exactly a great actor nearly as much as he is a magnetic movie star, who somehow manages to make us forget how batshit crazy he is in real life. That is impressive though, admittedly. 

Speaking of Cruise, Charlize does do a lot of *her* own stunts too. She worked out a long, single cut, brilliant fight scene on a staircase in Atomic Blonde that should be seen. There’s a sequel in the works and I believe one for The Old Guard as well. 

Yes, Charlize is going on 45 and like any other action hero, that means she’s got *at least* another decade in her before she says enough is enough with what can be a very strenuous routine.

To Hollywood, I say continue to take advantage of this amazing resource now. She is just too good to let get away. 

In fact, if Hollywood really wants a guaranteed blockbuster action hit, gather together a host of the kick ass women’s brigade of film.  Charlize, Halle Berry, ScarJo, Gal Gadot, Tessa Thompson, Kate Blanchette, Milla Jovovich and Angelina Jolie, with maybe Helen Mirren as the leader. Hell, throw in Sigourney Weaver! 

No, don’t resort to adapting a previously male property and redo it, (Ghostbusters, Oceans 8), DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL. 

Yeah, yeah, I know, Hollywood, where “remakes are king”. 

And yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, we don’t have *any* strong women roles in movies. Right.

Eh, I tried. 

The Ensign’s Log Podcast

Communications, open.

Steve Shives puts a lot of content out on the internet. A LOT. he puts out several series of videos on YouTube, at varying degrees of quality. The one I’m most familiar with is “Trek Actually”, a series of videos where he talks about all aspects of Star Trek. In it, he meticulously and comprehensively covers themes and topics in and of all things in the Trek universe — tv series, streaming series, movies, etc. 

He also has various satirical, analytical and parodying videos aimed at society and politics. He also has the “5 Stupid Things about ________”, and he does a series with his wife which features talking stuffed animals embroiled in comedic situations. He undoubtedly has other ongoing projects as well, as I know he does various podcasts, interviews, broadcasts, you name it. The point is, he produces a lot. By trade, he’s a writer and it’s possible he also has a day job but I have no idea how he finds the time.

But the production I value the most by far is “The Ensign’s Log Podcast”. 

This is just shy of genius. The concept is that two ensigns on the original starship Enterprise are doing a weekly podcast set during the adventures of Star Trek, the original series. So the events of those episodes often have some effect on these two low level officers. You don’t need an encyclopedic knowledge of the show or have the episodes memorized by any means. The ensigns and their adventures are the stars and focus of the show. Actually being familiar with every episode they’re referencing is just an additional chuckle.

The podcast is not Starfleet sanctioned, so the two ensigns are sending it out on the sly, with aliases. Ensign “Barclay” is the communications officer, played by Jason Harding and Ensign “Riker” is a security officer played by Steve Shives. Of course the hidden joke there is the two aliases they choose are the names two members of The Next Generation cast members. Because these guys do know and love their Trek. 

Side note– it’s really not for little kids– but I doubt little kids would be into this anyway. The production value is top notch, as far as music and accurate sound effects from the era, and the boys do a lot of extra voice work with a variety of “guest stars”. 

Star Trek, TOS, ran for 79 episodes and the Ensigns basically dedicate one episode *for* each episode. They’ve been doing this for a few years now and have put out over 60 so far. I started listening a month  ago and am already on episode 63. It’s really well done and occasional LOL funny. They manage to cleverly entwine their stories, their character’s backstories, and the tv show’s eps into an interesting ongoing adventure serial. 

The more I listen to, the more involved I get in the lives of these two lovable and lamentable idiots. The beautiful part about it all is that since podcasts are forever, you can just start at the beginning and take your time. If you go to lemmelistenpodcasts.com 

you can locate the ‘cast and start from the beginning. 

I really don’t listen to podcasts. Almost never. But these guys have a funny show, which mixes nicely crafted scenarios with some improvisation thrown in. 

And I am hooked. 

Highly recommended. 

Communications, closed.

Horse Guy

When one considers the work of Shakespeare, Milton, King or San Juan, one can’t help but feel a tiny little tickle at the base of their brain. 

What is this tickle? 

Is it harmful to me?

It can’t be– it tickles!

No, that tickle is just you hearing about these literary Giants of creation and reflexively remembering the latest creation in the Lundeen stable. 

Horse Guy!

I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “What ho, Rick…” –and really, we should talk about this because you say that a lot–

“Rick, surely you’re going to devote an entire month *just* to Horse Guy?!?!?”

Well, I would, but I really don’t have that much material. 

I have enough material for a week. 

Let’s see, got about 5 strips, the song….OH YEAH, THERE’S A SONG!

So maybe a Horse Guy week is warranted. 

We’ll see. 

I guess I could record the song, then people could play it back and then just mime the words with mouth movements promoted by spreading peanut butter on your gums and trying to lick it off. (The old Mr. Ed trick)

Yes. That WOULD be a good lockdown activity.

Part of the reason I like Horse Guy on the art side is that I can do it as a rougher piece each time, slightly loose pencils, a grittier feel in general.

Well, here’s the latest strip… and here it is via the link to my illustration site — it has each of the three strips so far and the visual gets larger, the larger you make your window.

The Swede

Originally appearing briefly in the 100 Covers series, I decided I wanted to expand on the character. An assassin that’s rather unemotional and likes killing with his hands. He tends to snap necks but in the end, whatever gets the job done in any given situation. 

Initially, the first issue is more of a straight nod to the late, great Darwin Cooke, may he Rest In Peace. Specifically the one color palette to give the story a distinct look. In the first book, we see the Swede in three different scenarios, where the actual kill is usually in an enclosed space or out in the open against great odds.

Book two: Sugo, which just came out, throws the Swede a bit of a curve ball when another assassin intrudes in his business and costs him money. This is not good for anyone. Meet Sugo. He also has a very distinct way of killing people. Side note: Book Two changes the color scheme a bit too for each scene.

The Swede Book One is available at Amazon HERE.

And The Swede Book Two – Sugo is also available on Amazon HERE.

Mickey and Maj

Most people reading this know all about Mickey & Maj but for those who don’t, it’s the story of a seven year old boy who meets an ancient, wise-cracking sentient Magic Carpet that can take him anywhere is time, space or different dimensions.

The book’s future is up in the air. It’s also dependent on sales as usual. I believe the concept has real legs to it but I’m just me. I can only spread the word just so much. 

Action Lab was nice enough to combine Books One and Two into one collection and put it out via print and as a digital release. The collection is available on ComiXology and Amazon. The particular process in this case took over a year due to delays but it came out this past January. I figured that it would be an additional year before Book Three was put out of at all but they surprised me and it was released digitally on ComiXology on March 18th. So, the trilogy is out there. We’ll see if the response warrants more stories. Mickey & Maj: The Selfies is still available on Amazon as well.

Sequential Tart is a website that’s been very kind to M&M, with glowing reviews for the combined collection, as well as the release of the latest book. Thanks again to them. I did an interview with them about M&M that was featured in their April edition. 

As to what comes next for Michael James Hawthorne and Majestic — I’m in the early stages of Book Four. Books One and Two were 40 pages each. Book Three was 56 pages. No telling on this one. I had a story in mind but I’m adding a few things as I go. Had a brainstorm or two during the break in the action. 

Of course the pandemic has slow things up and killed a lot of momentum with Action Lab, so everything’s tentative there as well.

So we’ll see where the Magic Carpet takes us next time, or whether they’ll head into a black hole, because the thing IS.

Jurassic Park The Musical Act III

ACT 3                                   

                                   Scene 1                                 

                    In the jungle—raptors emerge, dancing in unison,     

                    gliding back and forth, snapping their claws, ala      

                    West Side Story.                                       

                    group sing                                             

                    ahead of the pack, ahead of the pack                   

                    lookin’ all over for a human snack                     

                    –elaborately choreographed attack dance and then      

                    stop, just mildly grooving side to side as the         

                    leader, Francine, speaks to one of her underlings,     

                    who’s carrying a bucket of chum.                       

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               What have you there, Serendipity?                           

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               We scented this out, but there was no human near it.        

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               These humans are intelligent…a trick, no doubt.           

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               Great leader, you suspect a trap?                           

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Indeed. They seem to have unique insight as to any and      

               all failings regarding dinosaur vision. Infiltration is     

               what I fear.                                                

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               Diabolical! But venerable leader, there are new             

               recruits to be assessed for their skills in rhythm and      

               moves!                                                      

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Yes, of course…. I know just the thing….bring them      

               in.                                                         

                    –in groove the four new recruits, Muldoon being the     

                    3rd of the four, keeping perfectly in time with        

                    all the moves.                                         

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               At ease. So, you’re the new recruits. An interesting        

               bunch. So so similar…but I wonder….do you have what     

               it takes to be an elite Raptor? What is a pack leader                                                      

               to do? Perhaps some instructional exercise to warm up       

               and see what you’re made of, hmmm?                          

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Simon says…arms up!                                       

                    they all raise their arms                              

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Put ’em down                                                

                    they keep them up                                      

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Simon says, put them down.                                  

                    they lower their arms                                  

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Simon says…tap your snout                                 

                    they tap their snout                                   

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Now act like a human                                        

                    they stand still                                       

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               GOOD….Simon says act like a human                         

                    all four start ambling around hunched over like        

                    drooling Quasimodos, gibbering like fools, all in      

                    perfect unison                                         

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Add jazz hands                                              

                    only Muldoon adds jazz hands—there’s a gasp as all     

                    raptors stop and turn toward him and Muldoon freezes     

          MULDOON:                                                           

               Clever girl….                                             

                    and they pounce….                                    

                                Scene 2                           

                    Ellie, wounded, limps through the jungle and stops     

                    at a clearing, where we see a bunch of broken,         

                    discarded eggs center stage and a giant pile of        

                    dung stage right. Behind her, we see part of the       

                    fence with the indicator light off. Ellie surveys      

                    the scene.                                             

          ELLIE:                                                           

               That indicator light is off…looks like the whole          

               fence system is still down…great.                         

                    looks at the power box, makes some                     

                    adjustments—light goes ON, power hums                

          ELLIE:                                                           

               There!                                                      

                    –a boy screams in the distance                        

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Ah, loose connection                                        

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Eggs? Ohhh, the cartoon specifically indicated in a         

               playful way that the dinosaurs couldn’t get pregnant        

               thanks to the DNA manipulation. Oh! (slaps forehead)        

               Hermaphroditic frog junk. Nuts, that really should have     

               been a clue.                                                

                    Sick Triceratops strolls out from behind the giant     

                    pile of dung, waving.                                  

          SICK TRICERATOPS:                                                

               Heeeyyyooooo, there’s my nursemaid! hi, Ellie!              

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Sick Triceratops! Well, you’re certainly looking better     

               than the last time I saw you—how ya feelin’?              

          SICK TRICERATOPS:                                                

               Better, now that I got rid of that (indicates dung          

               pile)                                                       

                    both LOL                                               

                    Brach 2 enters from stage left, looking sad, long      

                    neck drooped over                                      

                      SICK TRICERATOPS:                                                

               Brach 2! Hey, what’s the matter? why so glum?               

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               Well, it’s Monday…                                        

                    they all nod                                           

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               and y’know, I’m having a rough time about Billy.            

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Oh, the goat? you knew him?                                 

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               Knew him? He saved my life! Gave me the Heimlich, he        

               did!                                                        

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Oh, that was you choking by the lake?  I thought you        

               were just acting…I thought you were really killing        

               it…                                                       

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               Oh thank you! Yeah, no, I was actually dying.               

          SICK TRICERATOPS:                                                

               Billy was a hero.                                           

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Death, dying, killing…..not to mention all this life      

               that technically shouldn’t even BE here…                  

          SICK TRICERATOPS:                                                

               Hey, I’m glad to be here and I feel a half ton lighter,     

               so….                                                      

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               Nah, she’s right, crazy scientists creating dinosaurs,      

               dinosaurs killing people, sequels being planned, the        

               wanton destruction of goats…..sigh.                       

          ELLIE:                                                           

               now that we’re all here, though, why can’t we all just      

               get along, if you ignore all the evolutionary               

               pitfalls….why can’t we be friends?                      

                    little compies enter from both sides (either small     

                    actors, children or marionettes) and start singing     (to the tune of “Why can’t we be friends?”) 

                    ooh ooh ooh ooh                                        

                    ooh ooh ooh ooh                                        

                    ooh ooh ooh ooh                                        

                    ooh ooh ooh ooh                                        

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    ELLIE: my boyfriend dragged me to this stupid          

                    isle,                                                  

                    now my friends are dyin’ all the while!                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    BRACH: they killed poor Billy for the dinner show,     

                    tore his head off, shoulda seen it go!                 

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    SICK TRIC: sure there’s some sickness, including       

                    me,                                                    

                    that’s not on them, it was an STD!                 

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Ellie: have a long talk with my man, ya see      

                   —dinos gettin’ more action than me!           

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    Why can’t we be friends                                

                    why can’t—                                           

                    T-Rex thunders onto stage                              

          T-REX:                                                           

               GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!!!                                     

                    everyone scatters                                      

                                    scene 3                                 

                    Grant, Lex and Tim are walking the plains toward       

                    home base. Tim’s hair is giant, crazy, frayed. He      

                    has dark circles under his glazed eyes, ragged         

                    clothing and walks in a dazed, stilted manner.         

          GRANT:                                                           

               You took quite a chance going back over the fence for       

               Lex’s cell phone, Tim.                                      

                    Lex checking her cell                                  

          LEX:                                                             

               No service yet…                                           

          GRANT:                                                           

               You took an ever BIGGER chance going back over for my       

               bullwhip and I really appreciate it.                        

          TIM:                                                             

               —hhhhh—                                                 

          GRANT:                                                           

               I didn’t even realize I could just reach under and grab     

               it until you were way up at the top.                        

                    a beat                                                 

          GRANT:                                                           

               Boy, when that sucker started up, you must’ve flown 30      

               feet into that dung-pile…..                               

          TIM:                                                             

               –hhhh– some in….mouth…                                

          GRANT:                                                           

               I owe ya, buddy.                                            

                    pats him on the back                                   

          LEX:                                                             

               Mr. Grant, are those Raptors way over there?                

          GRANT:                                                           

               Ah, they’re a ways away and we’re down wind, no reason      

               to…..                                                     

                    off stage, we hear Ellie yell out from the             

                    distance…                                            

          ELLIE:                                                           

               MMOOONNNNTAAANNNNAAAA, WE GOTTA TAAAALK!                        

          GRANT:                                                           

               RUN!!!                                                      

                                   scene 4                                 

                    JP home base kitchen area–cabinets and cooking        

                    area in the background along with the freezer door     

                    background stage right. A couple of big,               

                    industrial metal long tables for food prep.            

                    Entrance door background stage left.                   

                    Grant, Tim and Lex burst through the doors at a        

                    run.                                                   

          GRANT:                                                           

               You kids hide in here, it is categorically impossible       

               for Raptors to properly work a door handle, so you          

               should be safe. I’ll go find your grandfather.              

                    Grant leaves and the kids hurriedly run to front       

                    stage and hide underneath the front table, visible     

                    to the audience but safely hidden from everything      

                    behind.                                                

          LEX:                                                             

               Tim, I’ve got bars! wifi’s up, we’re online!!!              

          TIM:                                                             

               YES!                                                        

                    they fall silent and as the glow from the cells        

                    illuminate their faces, they are absorbed and          

                    silent                                                 

                    The Raptors enter easily, in a straight line in        

                    sync with each other’s movements. Francine             

                    leading.                                               

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               (sings) Come out, come out, wherEVER you are and greet      

               your death with cheer, my darlings….                      

                    kid are oblivious                                      

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Was that not creepy enough?                                 

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               I thought it was utter magic, your exaltedness.             

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Hunh.                                                       

                    taps on counter with foreclaw, it makes a good         

                    CLACKING sound                                         

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Ooooh, hey…                                               

                    she leaps up on the metal counter, does a couple       

                    foot taps–the others follow suit on the other         

                    tables                                                 

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               This’ll rattle their little monkey brains…                

                    they start a furious tap dance clacking out a          

                    mighty beat with their clawed feet, windmill           

                    maneuver, the whole nine yards, making an              

                    incredible racket on the tables                        

                    the kids are totally oblivious–no reaction            

                    the dinos *finally* stop, very tired, huffing and      

                    puffing, Francine bends over, holds her knees, so      

                    do the others following her lead                       

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               Are you— huff puff–well, leader?                         

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Yes…wooo…yeah, just a bit too soon after eating         

               that mystery meat in that ditch. Oooof…did we ever        

               find out what that was?                                     

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               No ma’am, only that it was extremely old.                   

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Ug…but it smelled great, didn’t it? huff—that           

               wasn’t just me, was it? You be honest, now…               

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               It might have been a bit off…                             

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               Well thanks, that doesn’t really help me now does           

               it—OH, got a cramp…                                     

                    the others also hold their side                        

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               STOP COPYING ME!                                            

                    they stop                                              

          SERENDIPITY:                                                     

               Lean on me, oh leader!                                      

                    Serendipity helps her down off the table               

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               I’m gonna check the freezer, see if there’s anything in     

               there…at ease, everyone                                   

                    raptors take five, do some stretches, little yoga      

                    a beat                                                 

                    Francine comes out of the freezer                      

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               WHO ATE ALL THE FREAKING ICE CREAM?!?!?!?                   

                                  Scene 5                                 

                    JP main entrance area – a winding staircase, stage     

                    right leads back up to a balcony above center          

                    stage with a banner hanging across that says           

                    “Dino’s Rule!” The back walls on the main level        

                    feature crude kid drawings of dinos slaughtering       

                    each other.                                            

                    Big outside entrance back stage left, and interior     

                    entrance stage left and the kitchen entrance,          

                    stage right.                                           

                    Grant’s center stage looking around for survivors      

                    as Hammond enters stage left in a rush, carrying a     

                    suitcase, Grant sees him                               

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Mr. Grant, I’m glad to see you! I’ve got a jeep out         

               front, let’s get the hell out of here!                      

          GRANT:                                                           

               Hammond, where’s Malcolm?                                   

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Didn’t make it, let’s go!                                   

                    He makes for the exit as Malcolm enters stage left     

                    on a crutch, hobbling forward                          

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               I’m right here, John! I only went to the bathroom!          

                    Ellie enters through rear stage left entrance          

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Alan, why did you run away…                               

          GRANT:                                                           

               Hammond’s right, let’s get out of here!                     

                    Raptors dance in from stage right kitchen              

                    entrance, moving in sync, snapping their               

                    fore-claws, Francine’s in the lead carrying empty      

                    ice cream containers                                   

          FRANCINE:                                                        

               We came here to eat ice cream and eviscerate human          

               entrails, and it looks like we’re FRESH outta ice           

               cream!                                                      

                    throws empty containers on the floor                   

                    the raptors start to slowly close in on the            

                    humans, closer and closer. Hammond, closest to the     

                    audience, turns in a defeated posture and              

                    addresses the audience                                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               And so, it ends. Ripped apart by savage fore-claws? All     

               because of…                                               

                    In bounds the T-Rex through the main entrance          

                    bowling over some of the raptors                       

          REX:                                                             

               WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE PHRASE “GET OFF MY LAWN” THAT YOU      

               DON’T GET?!?!?!?                                            

                    stops, turns to Francine, stares at her                

                    a beat                                                 

          REX:                                                             

               AND YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM?                              

                    starts smashing the raptors one by one and when        

                    they’re all down for the count, Lex and Tim            

                    emerge, standing at the edge of the kitchen            

                    entrance stage right, stunned and excited              

          TIM:                                                             

               T-Rex IS a friend to all!                                   

          LEX:                                                             

               Yay, T-Rex!                                                 

                    Rex plunges his head at them, they disappear for a     

                    second and then we see them in his jaws as he          

                    flings their screaming bodies up and off stage         

                    through the skylight with a crash. small bit of        

                    blood falls.                                           

          REX:                                                             

               DID YOU REALLY FORGET WHO YOU’RE DEALING WITH HERE? I       

               CAN’T BE SEEN GETTING SOFT, I HAVE A REP, SO….            

                    The rex starts advancing on them THOOM, THOOM          

                    Hammond once again, defeated, turns to the             

                    audience                                               

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               And so….it ends. Chomped to death by a giant lizard.      

               And all because of…what’s that sound?                     

                    a faint sound that gets louder                         

          REX:                                                             

               SOUNDS KINDA…FAMILIAR…                                  

                    the sound is a flapping of giant wings, as a giant     

                    mosquito descends, landing center stage, adopting      

                    a fighting pose                                        

                    Hammond jumps with glee, pumping his fists             

          REX:                                                             

               OH COME ON, THIS IS PERVERTING SCIENCE, HERE!!!             

          MOSQUITO:                                                        

               Put up your tiny, ineffectual dukes, lizard!                

                    They start circling each other, the Star Trek          

                    gladiatorial theme plays in the background              

                    they try and seek out each others vulnerable          

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               They seem to be sizing each other up                        

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Two enter, only one may leave!                              

                    Hammond grabs crossed sabre swords off the wall,       

                    throwing them to both                                  

                    the creatures engage their blades, to and fro, up      

                    the stairs, across the balcony and back down,          

                    eventually deflecting both blades away                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

                Oh, what people would pay for this….                     

          ELLIE:                                                           

               John…..!                                                  

                    they adopt wrestling poses, circling                   

                    Rex does a flying Shatner drop-kick taking down        

                    the mosquito                                           

          GRANT:                                                           

               The Rex is putting him in a figure 4 leg lock!              

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Oh, I think the mosquito’s had it…..                      

                    slowly, but surely, the mosquito turns his             

                    proboscis around and positions it on the Rex’s         

                    neck…and pierces it                                  

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Oh! His giant proboscis has actually pierced the Rex’s      

               skin! He’s into his neck!                                   

                    we hear a sucking sound                                

          ELLIE:                                                           

               The mosquito must drain enough blood to weaken the          

               Rex…                                                      

          GRANT:                                                           

               ….before the rex can crush him in the leg lock….        

                    sucking sound gets louder, louder, Hammond is          

                    dancing around the combatants like a referee           

                    finally, the Rex slumps to the ground, gone.           

                    Hammond, slaps the ground and holds up the             

                    mosquito’s arm                                         

                    there’s much rejoicing and Hammond once again,         

                    turns to the audience, this time, bold and             

                    confident                                              

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               And in the end, man’s ingenuity, his scientific             

               superiority triumphs…                                     

                    behind him, the mosquito grabs the other three and     

                    quickly drains the blood out of each —loud           

                    sucking sound–and they drop. The mosquito moves       

                    towards Hammond                                         

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               True, I’ve learned my lesson though. Had I simply stuck     

               with the giant mosquito idea in the first place,            

               I->hurk<                                                    

                    he stops cold as the mosquito stabs him in the         

                    back–loud sucking sound–and Hammond drops            

                    the mosquito produces a hanky, wipes off his           

                    proboscis and sings (maybe a modulated type of         

                    insect voice?) to the tune of the main theme once      

                    again…                                               

                    “They were strong, they were fast                      

                    they were legendary lizards,                           

                    they were dead, for oh so long,                        

                    and brought back by science wizards…                 

                    They were dinosaurs, they were dinosaurs,              

                    and they got another act                               

                    they were dinosaur, such fantastic lore,               

                    once they got that DNA cracked                         

                    ————some somber music as the mosquito mimes the T-rex      

                    dino walk and returns to sing                          

                    Had it worked, it would have been,                     

                    a theme park without equal,                            

                    we all love….disaster flicks,                        

                    that’s why there’ll always be sequels..!               

                    They were dinosaurs, they were dinosaurs,              

                    with true primeval class,                              

                    They were dinosaur, and just SO ya know,               

                    I just kicked this here one’s ASS!                     

                    ——bows, opens his arms, flies away.                

                    end                                                    

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