ACT 2                                   

                                   scene 1                                 

                    Jurassic Park Computer control room, with a main       

                    screen reading POWER ON. Ray Arnold enters from        

                    stage right as Hammond enters from stage left,         

                    both wearing JP straw hats and holding canes for a     

                    little song and dance, they meet in the middle,        

                    facing the audience as they rock back and forth.       

          HAMMOND:                                                        

               Oh, Mr. Arnold?                                             

          ARNOLD:                                                          

               Yes, Mr. Hammond?                                           

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Mr. Arnold, are we ready?                                   

          ARNOLD:                                                          

               Yes sir, all state of the art, cutting edge systems are     

               on-line. The tour is proceeding on pace and on              

               schedule!                                                   

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               So, in your estimation, we are fully prepared for every     

               eventuality?                                                

          ARNOLD:                                                          

               We’ve left nothing to chance. Even IF something went        

               wrong with the computers, Mr. Muldoon says we’ve got          

               weapons for back up, just in case.                          

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Yes, of course. Remind me what we have again in song        

               and dance, won’t you?                                       

          ARNOLD:                                                          

               I will!                                                     

                    sings                                                  

                    I got a gun that fires nuclear confetti,               

                    and if that don’t work, I got a new machete,           

                    we got a Gatling gun ready, I just took it out,        

                    so there’s nothing to worry about!                     

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Very good! Are these weapons close?                         

          ARNOLD:                                                          

               Yes, they’re conveniently located on the far side of        

               the island opposite us along with the emergency power       

               reboot systems. the only things in between us and all       

               of that are all the dinosaurs.                              

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Well done, Well done. I guess the tour has been quiet       

               so far, no dino’s. I don’t think the children have          

               noticed yet but Malcolm’s winding me up. Anyway, tell       

               me more about the weapons!                                  

          ARNOLD:                                                          

                    sings                                                  

                    We got tons of stuff/ ready for a killin’ spree,       

                    it’s in a big shed/ but we lost the key                

                    but things’ll go smoothly, no need to shout            

                    cuz’ there’s nothin’ to worry about!                   

                    —-Nedry jumps in and rocks back and forth along      

                    with them, hat, cane, and wearing a giant necklace     

                    with the 100 tiny Barbasol cans strung on it.          

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Mr. Nedry. Tell me, what’s the status on             

               computer power and security?                                

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Well…..                                                   

                    sings                                                  

                    We got computers with all the latest updates,          

                    while the powers on/we’re not left to our own          

                    fates,                                                 

                    we’ve got passwords, codewords and retina scans,       

                    see there’s nothing to upset our plans                 

                    >wheezing laugh<                                       

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Alright, well, we might have to call the jeeps back for     

               a bit–that deadly storm we’ve been tracking seems to       

               have turned toward us and the last ferry’s leaving in       

               20 minutes. We can continue tomorrow.                       

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Of course! Let me just do some things on my keyboard,       

               lock it, run past the Cryo-lab, go shave, take a drive      

               down by the dock to clear my head and I’ll be right         

               back!                                                       

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Certainly, as long as everything’s ok here.                 

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Definitely, because—                                      

                    all three singing                                      

                    There’s nothing to worry about!                        

                     Scene 2                                 

                    Somewhere lost in the jungle, we see a disoriented     

                    Nedry stumbling around in his rain coat, lost,         

                    extreme stage left. He’s holding a broken road sign     

                    for the dock and wearing the necklace of cans, now     

                    much heavier since they’re all filled.                 

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Everything’s gone wrong! I’m lost, these cans are really

               heavy when they’re full—I think the power        

               grid’s down–I just hope the dino’s don’t test the          

               fences…                                                   

                    opposite Nedry on extreme stage right, a               

                    Dilophosaurus pops it’s head up from behind some       

                    bushes and he sounds like Seinfeld.                    

          DILO:                                                            

               What’s the deal with the fences?! they usually produce      

               a reassuring hum! Tonight, no hum! I use it to lull         

               myself to sleep at night and let me tell you, it’s a        

               lot cheaper than sleeping pills! Hey, who’s stumbling       

               around in my jungle over there?! Hey, I know that           

               human!                                                      

                    the dilo dips down behind the bushes and then pops     

                    up directly in front of Nedry                           

          DILO:                                                            

               Helloooooo, Nedry.                                          

                    Nedry freezes                                          

          NEDRY:                                                           

               okay, ha ha, niiiice, dino                                  

                    he picks up a stick                                    

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Here, see the stick? Eh? ’Kay now, watch…                 

                    throws stick                                           

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Go fetch it! Go! C’mon, stupid….                          

          DILO:                                                            

               Oh, I’m stupid, am I? A dog, am I? Well that tears          

               it…                                                       

                    his headdress flares up                                 

          DILO:                                                            

               Look! You’ve angered me! The sticky acid’s comin’ next,      

               buddy!                                                      

                    sprays acid in Nedry’s face, and Nedry starts           

                    screaming, runs off stage                              

          DILO:                                                            

               Yeah, you go run back to your jeep! Lock yourself in        

               real good! My mate’s waiting already waiting and she’s      

               in a mood! Oh, and your necklace came off! I hope it’s      

               valuable, I’m gonna bury it in mud! Oh, now I’m all         

               worked up. (under his breath) Nedry!                        

                    Seinfeld music plays us out.                           

                                             Scene 3                                 

                    The scene is set on the road in the T-rex area.        

                    *in the foreground extreme stage right, we see         

                    half of a porta-potty, specifically where the door     

                    to it opens.                                           

                    *On the road middle/stage right is a JP car with       

                    Grant, Lawyer, Malcolm and the kids inside.            

                    *Behind the road is the steel cord fence strung up     

                    between large cement posts with power indicator      

                    light at the top –both off.                           

                    *Behind that back in the dark of the jungle is a       

                    small platform.                                        

                    The lawyer exits the car                               

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Listen, nothing much is happening, so I’m going to use      

               the facilities.                                             

                    walks over to extreme stage right, opens the           

                    porta-potty door, enters and closes the door.          

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Ellie certainly had the right idea, leaving to tend to      

               that sickly triceratops. It’s pretty quiet here.            

          GRANT:                                                           

               More likely, she got tired of you pouring water on her      

               to explain Chaos theory.                                    

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Oh no, no, she was enthralled–do you want me to            

               explain it to you? We have a glass of water left….        

          GRANT:                                                           

               No thanks, I’d rather just stare at it. you kids ok         

               back there?                                                 

          TIM:                                                             

               mmm                                                         

          LEXI:                                                            

               Internet’s taking FOREVER.                                  

                    THOOM in the distance                                  

          GRANT:                                                           

               Finally, some action. Things will finally get              

               exciting.                                                   

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Hey kids, we might see a dinosaur now….sounds like a      

               big one comin’!                                             

                    kids keep texting, Malcolm shrugs, as they hear a      

                    louder THOOM                                           

                    spotlight on the background platform as we see         

                    Billy goat chained to it by a collar, complete         

                    with big bow tie. Uplifting, inspirational music       

                    starts to swell and soon Billy starts to sing          

                    “THIS IS MY MOMEMT, MY MOMENT TO SHINE, THE TIME      

                    FOR MY STAR TO RISE AND BE—”                         

          BILLY:                                                           

               Holy shit, I’M the dinner, I just got that-HURRK!           

                    A claw swipes him off the platform, spotlight goes     

                    dark. we hear ripping, clawing.                        

          GRANT:                                                           

               Fascinating!                                                

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               I’m just exceedingly grateful that we’ve got a giant,       

               impenetrable, electrified metal fence in between us,        

               brother!                                                    

                    on cue, each cord on the fence snaps and zips away     

          GRANT:                                                           

               OK, this MIGHT be a problem. Kids, it’s gonna be            

               alright.                                                    

                    kids silent and texting                                

                    the T-Rex stomps one foot onto the road past the       

                    fence and looks in their direction, and ROARS!         

          GRANT:                                                           

               Listen to me, all of you! Based on assumptions made from     

               65 million year old data, the rex’s vision is based         

               only on movement, probably, so stay still and we should     

               definitely be fine!                                         

                    The rex moves around, looking, searching, as it        

                    stomps around. It moves to Grant, sniffs his           

                    crotch. Moves to Malcolm, sniffs his crotch. Backs     

                    away, and after a bit more looking around, ROARS,      

                    then sings…      (to the tune of the main theme again)                                    

                    “HERE I COME, FOR THE SHOW                             

                    AND NO, I AM NOT DOCILE…                             

                    WITH THE TAIL, AND THE TEETH,                          

                    THE WORLD’S MOST DANGEROUS FOSSIL                      

                    I’M A DINOSAUR, I’M A DINOSAUR,                        

                    I AM KING OF ALL YOU SEE                               

                    I’M A DINOSAUR, AND I DO ABHOR                         

                    ALL THESE APES I SEE ’ROUND ME                         

                    ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRR                                     

                    music as the giant lizard goes into a smooth tap       

                    dance and then back to singing…..                    

                    MY ARMS ARE SHORT, TEETH ARE LONG,                     

                    SO YOU HAD BEST BE FEARIN’,                            

                    THIS SEXY BEAST, CAN SENSE YOUR MOVES,                 

                    I’M MORE AMAZING THAN HELEN MIRREN                     

                    I’M A DINOSAUR, I’M A DINOSAUR,                        

                    AND YES, I’LL CHASE YOUR JEEP,                         

                    I’M A DINOSAUR, WORKIN’ THIS DANCE FLOOR               

                    ’CUZ THESE TICKETS WON’T BE CHEAP…                   

                    I’M A DINOSAUR……                                   

                    AND I WILL SOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRR                        

                    RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!~!!!                       

                    —then, the porta-potty door swings open and the      

                    lawyer jumps out, waving his hands                     

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Hoo boy1 you might wanna stay outta THERE for 65            

               million years, am I right? Ha…ha.                         

                    The rex stomps toward him and screaming, the           

                    lawyer dives back into the porta-potty slamming        

                    the door behind him. the rex smashes into the          

                    potty dragging the entire thing off stage right        

                    and we hear smashing and screaming and roaring.        

                    After a few seconds, the lawyer partially crawls       

                    out onto the stage, desperate…                       

                    Lawyer:                                                

                    WE SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH THE GIANT MOSQUITO            

                    INSTEAD!!!!!                                           

                    …and is dragged off stage screaming…               

          GRANT:                                                           

               We’ve got to do something, get out of here….              

                   MALCOLM:                                                         

               But how? where? The jeeps have no power…                  

                    the kids get out of the car, observe the carnage       

                    off stage, calmly turn back to the two men…          

          LEXI:                                                            

               we can’t get any signal here, Dr. Grant.                    

          TIM:                                                             

               Are we in a dead zone, or..?                                

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               You might say that…                                       

          GRANT:                                                           

               Listen kids, I’m sorry but it looks like the dinosaurs      

               are all loose and I’m not sure how we’re going to           

               survive…                                                  

                    kids stare blankly…                                  

          GRANT:                                                           

               Power’s down, communications, no internet–                 

                    kids start screaming bloody murder, flailing about     

                    and fling themselves over the side of the road         

                    at that moment, a piece of wreckage from the           

                    porta-potty flies out and knocks out Malcolm.          

                    Grant checks on him and stands                         

          GRANT:                                                           

               Stay put, Malcolm, I’ll go after the kids and we’ll         

               come back for you.                                          

                    Grant pulls out his bullwhip, twirls it out, snags     

                    a tree limb, and dives over the side                   

                    Ellie drives a new jeep in from stage right, with      

                    Muldoon in the passenger seat holding a harpoon and       

                    stops in front of Malcolm, gets out and helps him      

                    up                                                     

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Malcolm, where is everyone?                                 

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Don’t talk, the T-Rex is coming back and if his song        

               was ANY indication, he’s going to chase our jeep.  

         MULDOON:

          Load him in, lass, I don’t like the way the jungles’ breathin’ at me!

                    they pile in the jeep, Malcolm laying down in the      

                    back and they take off. * Utilizing a roll-a-round     

                    backdrop of jungle can simulate jeep movement here     

                    as we keep pace with the jeep. the tail end of the     

                    jeep is close to off stage right….                   

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Here it comes, it’s gaining on us!     

           MULDOON:

               I can’t get a bead on the beastie!

                    the T-rex head starts to polk out as he gets           

                    closer, now extending a tongue, and slathering         

                    Malcolm as he tries to back way…                     

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Gahhh, he’s got lawyer-breath…FASTER!!!!!                 

          REX:                                                             

               AHHHHHGNAAAHHHGNAAAAH, YOU LIKE THAT?!?!?                   

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               MOTHER OF GOD, FASTER!!!!!!!!!                              

                    and as the jeep finally pulls away, a branch comes     

                    into view and blocks him, stopping the Rex.            

                                         Scene 4                                 

                    Tim, Grant and Lex are up in a tree, gathering         

                    their wits. In the distance, we see the                

                    occasional, long neck of a dino hear and there         

                    wander by. the kids are covered head to toe in         

                    something dark.                                        

          GRANT:                                                           

               You kids are pretty lucky. That 60 foot fall would have     

               killed you if you hadn’t landed in that giant pile of       

               T-Rex dung.                                                 

          TIM:                                                             

               Yeah, lucky.                                                

          LEX:                                                             

               I got some in my mouth.                                     

          GRANT:                                                           

               I’ll tell you what–we should be safe up here for the       

               night as far as I know. Let’s try to rest and we can        

               figure out what to do in the morning. How about a song      

               to take our minds off our troubles?                         

                    Grant can either pull a guitar from nowhere or         

                    just mime playing it and starts to sing a folksy    

                    little number…                                      

                    “Well, I been ’round this big ol’ world, for years     

                    and years and years,                                   

                    Saw somethings’d curl your hair and prey upon your     

                    fears,                                                 

                    some things might seem really bad, ya feel like        

                    you are cursed,                                        

                    but i’m here to tell ya kids, this is ’bout the        

                    worst”                                                 

                    –talks: listen up kids, you need to hear this–       

                    “Once I went down to me-hee-co, to do a little         

                    dig,                                                   

                    got a nasty tape-worm, and ate just like a pig,        

                    was in and out of hospitals, up and down the           

                    coast,                                                 

                    oh that was bad, yes it was, but this time, we are     

                    toast                                                  

                    AYE, YI, YI, we are toast….”                         

                    talks–                                                

          TIM:                                                             

               the message is horrible and I still feel better!             

          GRANT:                                                           

               sure, any situations made better by a song. I’d do a        

               dance but we’re in a tree…                                

                    whistles a bit….and in the background, one by        

                    one, the heads of some of the dinos are gathering      

                    throughout the song right behind them to enjoy it      

                    Grant sings–                                          

                    “an-mals are a funny bunch, but these are off the      

                    hook,                                                  

                    more and more i think about it, your grandpa is a      

                    crook,                                                 

                    I faced hordes of lice, mutant rats, even vampire      

                    bats,                                                  

                    it’s important that you know, this is worse than       

                    that ,                                                 

                    OH, THIS IS WORSE THAN THAT                            

                    AYE, YI, YI, SO much worse than that”                  

                    –and finally, the dino right next to Lex sneezes      

                    a giant gob on her                                     

                          Scene 5                                 

                    Back in the main computer room. Front stage has        

                    Malcolm resting on a table due to his injured leg.     

                    Standing behind him is Hammond, Arnold, Muldoon and      

                    Ellie. They’re all eating melting ice cream.           

          ARNOLD:                                                          

               Mr. Hammond, Nedry screwed us with this computer            

               program. The only way to fix it and the get the park        

               back up and running is to travel to the far side of         

               this treacherous island to the power center, and reboot     

               the system. I’d better head out right after I finish        

               this delicious Rocky road.                                  

          MULDOON:                                                           

               Aye, I’ll go with ya                                        

                    grabs his harpoon and a bucket marked chum and         

                    dumps his ice cream in it                              

          MULDOON:                                                           

               If need be, I’ll provide a distraction. We’ll take a        

               walkie-talkie with us.                                      

          ELLIE:                                                           

               I’d better come too. I’ve gotta work off some of this       

               ice cream. Oh, and remember–we saw some raptors on our     

               way back. Montana and I are experts on dinosaur vision      

               and with Raptors, if you act like you are a raptor,         

               mimic them, they’ll think you’re a raptor too,             

               probably.                                                   

          ARNOLD AND MULDOON:                                                

               Got it!                                                     

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Thank you all, please go get my grandchildren.              

                    They leave and Hammond is worried, pacing back and     

                    forth behind Malcolm, who continues to eat ice         

                    cream out of the 6 or 7 tubs around him.               

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               It was all going so well. Now the lawyer’s dead and         

               I’ve no idea what’s happened to my grandchildren or Mr.     

               Grant.                                                      

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Well, uh, John, you know they, uh, are dinosaurs after      

               all. >slurp< They’re simply not like us.                    

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Exactly. Exactly! this is why I ask….     (*to the tune of “Why can’t a woman be more like a man”)                

                    “why can’t a dinosaur be more like a man?              

                    Men are so thoughtful, they actually think             

                    Some are smelly, but no reptilian stink               

                    Who, when you’ve achieved, will always give your       

                    back a pat,                                            

                    Why can’t a dino be like that?                         

                    –                                                      

                    Why does every one do what the others do?              

                    Stomp and kill and leave you all for dead?             

                    Eviscerate, slash you up in a pile of goo              

                    Why don’t they grow up, well, like their creators      

                    instead?                                               

                    –                                                      

                    Why can’t a dinosaur take after a man?                 

                    Men are so pleasant, so easy to please                 

                    Whenever you’re with them, you’re always at ease       

                    Would you be slighted if I locked you in your          

                    paddock?                                               

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               –well..                                                    

                    Would you be livid if I had stolen an egg or two?      

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               –um..                                                      

                    Would you be wounded if I ’lectrified your fences?     

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               -yeah                                                       

                    Well, why can’t a dino be like you?                    

                    –                                                      

                    One man in a million may pervert science               

                    Now and then there’s one with moral defects            

                    One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit         

                    But by and large we are a tolerable sex                

                    –                                                      

                    Why can’t a dino take after a man?                     

                    ’Cause men are so friendly, good natured and kind      

                    The most evolved companion you’ll find                 

                    If your biology was a mockery, would you bellow?       

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               I guess…                                                  

                    If you went into a coma would you fuss?                

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Um..                                                        

                    Would you complain about iffy DNA from a fellow?       

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Yes?                                                        

                    Why can’t a dino be like us?                           

                    –                                                      

                    Why can’t a dino be more like a man?                   

                    Men are so decent, such regular chaps                  

                    Ready to help with any science mishaps                 

                    Reminding you on money whenever you’re glum            

                    why can’t a dino be a chum?                            

                    –                                                      

                    Why is thinking something dinos never do?              

                    And why is logic never even tried?                     

                    Eating-crapping-killing’s all they ever do             

                    Prob’ly ’cuz of the walnut brain inside                

                    –the walkie talkie squawks–                          

          MALCOM:                                                          

               LISTEN!!                                                    

          ELLIE:                                                           

                         (on walkie)                                       

               Arnold is dead, we did reboot the system, Muldoon’s           

               missing, there are raptors everywhere and I’m on the        

               run! Over and out!                                          

                    Hammond just raises his arms in a “see what I’m        

                    talking about?” manner and continues…..              

                    Why can’t a dino behave like a man?                    

                    If I were a lizard who shouldn’t be here at all        

                    Been touted as an attraction at some outdoor           

                    island  mall                                           

                    Would I leave a trail of chaos wherever I’m going?     

                    Or carry on as if my home were in a tree?              

                    Would I appreciate the seeds of karmic disaster        

                    I’m sowing?                                            

                    Why can’t dinosaurs be like me?                        

ACT I                                   

                                   Scene 1                                 

                    Interior: Small hut in the middle of a jungle, a       

                    young boy is in bed with his small lamp lighting       

                    his room and the few articles within as he stares      

                    out the window at the full moon.                       

               woman’s voice off-stage: you turn that light off and go     

               to sleep, young John Hammond!                               

          YOUNG JOHN HAMMOND: YES MUMSY.                                   

                    Outside, we hear the sounds of animals in the          

                    jungle, roaring, trampling and gunshots, human         

                    screaming. A real blood bath out there but the boy     

                    takes no notice, he simply sings to the tune of        

                    the main theme of Jurassic Park.                       

          YOUNG JOHN HAMMOND:                                              

                    When I was young, just a lad, I read about some        

                    beasties…                                            

                    They were fierce, they were large, and oh, they        

                    liked their feasties…                                

                    THEY WERE DINOSAURS, THEY WERE DINOSAURS, and they     

                    ruled the earth, you see..                             

                    THEY WERE DINOSAUR, and it t’would be my chore to      

                    bring them back to life for ME                         

                    (YJH starts dino-walking around the room to the        

                    music, slowly, majestically—chomping at the air      

                    like a T-rex)                                          

          WOMANS VOICE OFF-STAGE: I SAID TURN OFF THAT LIGHT,              

          DAMNIT!!!!                                                       

                    We hear more shots, roaring and screaming and YJH      

                    sings…                                               

                    I’ll have funds—(mother screams), very soon…       

                    Gosh I hope someone kills that lion…                 

                    I’ll do research, create a park!                       

                    with dinos–hopefully without no dyin’!                

                    THEY’LL BE DINOSAURS, THEY’LL BE DINOSAURS, I’ll       

                    feature them A to Z….                                

                   THEY’LL BE DINOSAUR, and it’ll be my chore,            

                    to make a park where they don’t eat me….             

                    (YJH goes back to bed, turns off the lamp and          

                    snuggles into his bed as the music plays off and       

                    the screams, trampling, mauling fade away.)            

Scene 2                                 

                                   40 years later                          

                    A dark and stormy day as the adult john Hammond is     

                    escorted through the entrance to a mine by his         

                    nervous, constipated lawyer and meets the foreman      

                    of the mining crew, Yor Yorgensen.                     

          YOR YORGENSON:                                                   

               Yellow, mr. Hammoond, howzabout dis weader we’re–          

          JOHN HAMMOND:                                                    

               Damnit man, enough with your nordic nicities, show me!      

          YOR YORGENSON:                                                   

               Yokay, this way.                                            

                    Yorgenson leads them to a different part of the        

                    cave, where rests a beautiful, glowing, golden         

                    rock.                                                  

          YOR YORGENSON:                                                   

               Whelp, there it is.                                         

                    Hammond, stunned, drops to his knees                   

          JOHN HAMMOND:                                                    

               A magic stone! Oh my heavens, never in a million years      

               would I have believed–                                     

          YORGENSON:                                                       

               No, it’s not magic boss, it’s ban sittin’ on a              

               flashlight.                                                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Oh.                                                         

          LAWYER:                                                          

               No John–look at what’s in the center!                      

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Is that?                                                    

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Yes, a mosquito! From the time of the dinosaurs! You        

               know what this means.                                       

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Oh my stars and garters, yes. We can extract the            

               necessary DNA…                                            

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Yes…                                                      

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               and through re-sequencing…                                

          LAWYER:                                                          

               …yes…                                                   

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               …and the genetic splicing…                              

          LAWYER:                                                          

               ….YES…..                                                

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               WE CAN CREATE A GIANT MOSQUITO!!!                           

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Uh–what?                                                   

                    Music (original) and JH starts singing  (slow          

                    moving, like Ol’ Man River)                            

           (cont’d)                                                        

               “I’m gonna build me a giant mosquito,————–         

               that people ’round the world will see————-          

               gene-splice a helluvan insect                               

               ——————-   just un-lock that genetic             

               keeeeeeey…                                                

                    elaborate mosquito dance as Hammond leads the          

                    miners in his dance of giant bug love—as the         

                    lawyer tries to get Hammond’s attention…             

                    Hammond continues to sing…                           

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               “It’s gonna be a huge                                       

               blood-sucker—————–    a proboscis about THIS     

               BIG!”                                                       

          LAWYER:                                                          

               …John….                                                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               “..and we’ll need a REAL BIG SCREEN DOOR…”                

          LAWYER:                                                          

               JOHN!!!                                                     

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               What?!?!                                                    

          LAWYER:                                                          

               We’ll take the remnants of the dino DNA from the blood      

               of the mosquito and genetically recreate ACTUAL             

               dinosaurs!                                                  

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Oh.                                                         

                    a beat                                                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               …well yes, that is a better idea.                         

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Thank you.                                                  

                    a beat                                                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               That *would* be more in keeping with what I’d hoped.        

          LAWYER:                                                          

               Yes.                                                        

                    a beat                                                 

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               They’ll go great with the giant mosquito.                   

                                   Scene 3                                 

                    At a paleontological dig in the southwest, three       

                    students (aged 8) are on a tour around the site        

                    led by Ellie Sattler, co-manager of the project.       

                    They stand near the edge looking down into the         

                    pit.                                                   

          ELLIE:                                                           

               So, any questions about dinosaur bones?                     

          KID 1:                                                           

               When’s lunch?                                               

                   KID 2:                                                           

               Bones are stupid.                                           

          KID 3:                                                           

               You’re old.                                                 

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Ok, great! Time to introduce you to Dr. Montana Grant,      

               lead digger on the project. If you lean way over here,      

               you can probably see him come out.                          

                    kids lean over looking down                            

          ELLIE:                                                           

                         (over walkie) You’re on, Montana.                 

                    From stage left, alan Montana Grant swings in via      

                    bullwhip in full Indy attire and lands, knocking       

                    all three kids off the ledge, obliviously breaking     

                    into song and dance.                                   

                    –peppy, fast tune-original                            

          MONTANA:                                                         

               YAAAA! The gang all calls me Montana——————-     

               got a raptor claw hangin’ from me waist—————-     

               it’s a good life, diggin’ with me                           

               Ellie————-  SHE wants to marry, but why all the     

               haste?                                                      

                    Ellie jumps in step and sings                          

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Eleven whole years, we’ve been datin’————– but     

               mostly diggin’, all around the world————— he      

               never CAME CLOSE—to poppin’ that question———        

               I’m just a REALLY REALLY understanding girrrrrl             

                    John Hammomd then leaps onto the stage in step and     

                    sings                                                  

          JOHN HAMMOND:                                                    

                    Hey guys, I just flew in, there’s my copter——-     

                    I got a big ol’ proposition for you———–         

                    come with me, I’ll fund your dig for three years-      

                    I”m a rich guy! So what ya gonna do?  (smiles)         

          GRANT AND ELLIE:                                                 

               “DONE!”                                                     

                                   Scene 4                                 

                    An outdoor cafe somewhere in the jungle. We            

                    hear  some Seinfeld type music in the background       

                    leading in. A tall man (named Dodgson), with even      

                    taller hair, wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt, an          

                    ascot, sunglasses, smoking a pipe, and carrying a      

                    valise, enters. He awkwardly winds his way through     

                    the lunchtime crowd, occasionally stumbling as he      

                    reaches the only booth in the cafe, occupied by        

                    Dennis Nedry, who is eating his lunch and              

                    pretending not to notice this mans approach.           

                    “Dodgson” finally settles into the booth with his      

                    valise.                                                

          DODGSON:                                                         

                         (whispering) Nedry..                              

          NEDRY:                                                           

                         (a bit loudly) Hello Dodgson!                     

          DODGSON:                                                         

               Quiet!                                                      

          NEDRY:                                                           

               No, I will not be quiet, for I am the ultimate I.T.         

               man, working within a top secret multi-million dollar       

               project out in the middle of nowhere and ALL their          

               computer security rests on my shoulders–MINE!!!!– and     

               thus, I live…on the edge.  So, heh heh heh, you got       

               it?                                                         

          DODGSON:                                                         

               We’ve concealed an elaborate cryogenic containment          

               system with the average shaving cream can–it even has      

               a working nozzle to produce shaving cream if you need       

               it.                                                         

                    Nedry laughs his wheezy laugh, LOVING this!            

          DODGSON:                                                         

               You disengage the bottom of the can to access the           

               cryo-tube and place the dino DNA inside. We WILL expect     

               a sample of each dinosaur and have provided you with        

               the appropriate amount to fill the order.                   

          NEDRY:                                                           

               Ok, –laughing–let’s have a look.                          

                    Dodgson opens his case and empties about 100           

                    mini-travel-sized cans of Barbasol onto the table,     

                    falling everywhere.                                    

          NEDRY:                                                           

               What the hell?                                              

          DODGSON:                                                         

               Yeah, we couldn’t go over 3 ounces and the shaving          

               cream takes up a lot of space—-yeah–giddyup.             

                    Seinfeld music ends it.                                

                                             Scene 5                                 

                    We’re at a big lake/watering hole in JP.  Off to       

                    the side we see a big elaborate multi-directional      

                    signpost “T-Rex grounds: 1,000 meters, Raptor          

                    section: 500 meters” etc. By the water is a group      

                    of hadrosaurs and brachiosuars standing around, on     

                    their break. *Note: all dino actors will have the      

                    appropriate species head, tail, claws and hooves       

                    but otherwise just scale patterned dino dance          

                    skins for movement. Example: the brachiasaurus         

                    will have 6 foot long necks with the actor peeking     

                    out out below, etc. They’ll also all stand upright     

                    for the body language.                                 

                    In “the distance”, we see some hills and greenery,     

                    where eventually, a toy car with marionettes will      

                    act out the familiar scene we know of in the movie     

                    with Hammond, Grant and Sattler.                       

                    A triceratops walks in from stage left carrying a      

                    pad and inserted ear-piece with which he’s in          

                    contact with other sections across the park.           

          TRIC:                                                            

               Alright, (claps hands) listen up herbavores. Mr.            

               Hammond’s going to be here any minute with his guests,      

               the paleontologists…                                      

                    —all the dinos start laughing—                     

          TRIC:                                                            

               Settle down, settle down, they couldn’t possibly know.      

               Now when I yell action, I’ll need you to walk in a back     

               and forth pattern—very majestic-like—chew a few         

               leaves, drink a bit of water.                               

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               what’s my motivation?                                       

          TRIC:                                                            

               You’re hungry and thristy, luv.                             

          BRACH 1:                                                         

                         (excited, revelatory) Yes!                        

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               I didn’t see where my song was.                             

          TRIC:                                                            

               You don’t have a song.                                      

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               My genetecist/agent said there’d be a song…               

          TRIC:                                                            

               There ARE songs, just not for you.                          

                    A young, starry-eyed, fresh-faced goat, with a         

                    bow-tie, and carrying a valise, enters stage left      

                    and approaches the tric.                               

          BILLY GOAT:                                                      

               ’Scuse me sir…                                            

          TRIC:                                                            

               Sorry kid, no auditions today, come back tomorrow.          

          BILLY GOAT:                                                      

               No sir, I already passed the audition. You see, I’m         

               part of the show! I’m supposed to perform on some           

               platform for a Mr. Rex?  It’s part of the dinner show.      

                    Everybody goes dead silent. The tric morbidly          

                    shifts gears.                                          

          TRIC:                                                            

               Hey….hey.. that’s great, kid. Um, listen, why uh, why     

               don’t you go to props and they’ll set you up, huh?          

          BILLY GOAT:                                                      

               Thanks mister! See ya later, guys! (waves, does             

               jazz-hands) I’ve been Billy!                                

                    runs off stage left                                    

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               Well THAT was brutal…                                     

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               Well, I’M not getting anything productive done TODAY!       

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               Yeah, I…                                                  

          TRIC:                                                            

               Now you listen up…sure, nothing about that whole mess     

               is going to be pretty but the show must go on.              

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               For Billy?                                                  

          TRIC:                                                            

               …..sure. Oh!                                              

                    touches ear-piece                                      

          TRIC:                                                            

               Here they come–places! ACTION!!!                           

                    The dinos start moving slowly, back and forth,         

                    sometimes wandering off script a bit as the toy        

                    jeep with the marionettes pulls up and acts out        

                    their parts throughout.                                

          TRIC:                                                            

               The jeep is rolling, rolling, stopped. OK, it’s a           

               beautiful day, the sun is out, you’re living life,          

               you’re not extinct—think “majestic”—smell that air,     

               it’s spring-time!                                           

                    Brach-2 slowly starts to raise his arms, twirl and     

                    sing                                                   

          TRIC:                                                            

               I repeat, you do NOT have a song here, Brach-2, back in     

               line, yes, good…why don’t you go eat some of those        

               yummy leaves? Yes…                                        

                    in “the distance” the marionettes have come out of     

                    the jeep and have spotted the dinos and we see         

                    them start to react as in the movie.                   

                    Brach 2 has been eating leaves and suddenly            

                    weaving and starts to motion as if he’s choking        

          TRIC:                                                            

               What are you doing, Brach 2?                                

                    Brach 1 moves majestically over to Brach 2             

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               He might be choking?                                        

          TRIC:                                                            

               Well, stop it!                                              

                    Brach 2 keeps motioning as if he’s choking             

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               Wow, if you are acting, you are killin’ it, bro…          

          TRIC:                                                            

               GAH! The humans see us! (touches ear-piece) Big Ernie,      

               you there? Listen, I need a diversion, go show off,         

               thump the ground or something, ’kay? great, thanks.         

                    Brach 2 is slowly drooping over, choking               

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               I know the Heimlich, should I try that?                     

          TRIC:                                                            

               Well YES, TRY THE BLOODY HEIMLICH!                          

                    Brach 1 slowly approaches Brach 2 from behind and      

                    starts to do a slow motion Heimlich but it looks       

                    more like an erotic massage the way he’s going         

                    about it…                                            

                    the Hadrosaurs are simply standing and watching        

                    the entire time, some of them smoking                  

          TRIC:                                                            

               What the bloody hell are you doing? that’s hardly the       

               proper way!                                                 

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               I’m trying to be majestic..                                 

          OFFSTAGE:                                                        

               I can help!!!                                               

                    suddenly, Billy comes running in like a rocket         

                    from stage left and butts Brach -2 in the gut          

                    and Brach 2 spews out a giant branch from his          

                    (upper) mouth                                          

          BRACH 1:                                                         

               Well, that’s not the right way to do the Heimlich….       

                    Brach 2 plops to the ground as he collects himself     

          TRIC:                                                            

               Good job kid. The humans are leaving. Aaaand, we’re         

               out.                                                        

          BILLY GOAT:                                                      

               Hope ya feel better mister, I gotta go get ready for        

               the dinner show!                                            

                    runs off stage left                                    

                    the tric looks over some data on his pad…            

          TRIC:                                                            

               Ok, the humans are going back to home base to watch a       

               cartoon about how they did all this with the                

               hermaphroditic frog DNA, then they’ll eat, get ready        

               and start the tour so we’ve got some time. Let’s break      

               for now.                                                    

                    They all leave, except for Brach 2, who gets to        

                    his knees and is overcome with emotion at his near     

                    death experience…                                    

          BRACH 2:                                                         

                         (emotional)                                       

               That….that scrappy lil kidd saved my life >sniff<.        

               I’ll never ever forget him.                                 

                    starts to sing…                                      

          BRACH 2:                                                         

               Billlyyyyyy, oh Billllyyyyy…                              

                    Tric pokes his head in stage left                      

          TRIC:                                                            

               Brach 2, you do NOT have a song.                            

                    leaves                                                 

                    a beat                                                 

          BRACH 2:                                                         

                         (screams) BIIILLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!               

                              Scene 6                                 

                    We see a row of cast members in auditorium seats       

                    facing the audience (movie they’re watching),          

                    they’re lit from the glowing screen, background is     

                    dark. In the seats from left to right: constipated     

                    Lawyer (looking strained as usual), Ian Malcolm        

                    (in bug eyed wonder), Ellie and Grant (both            

                    stunned), Hammond (beatific smile), his               

                    granddaughter Lexi and her brother Tim (both           

                    oblivious on cells texting). we hear a cartoon         

                    narrator (sounds a bit like Goofy) from the            

                    movie…                                               

          CARTOON VOICE:                                                   

               …and that’s how dinosaur babies are born! Lookit that     

               mess! eeyuk yuk yuk, naw, just kiddin’, that’s Haggis!      

               Dino’s hatch from eggs. Thanks to the hermaphroditic        

               frog junk, we’ve created a miracle and spit in God’s        

               eye! Thankfully, we’ve thought of everything and            

               absolutely nothing can go wrong! Now go enjoy your          

               ride, this is DNA-bler signing off! eeyuk!                  

          ANNOUNCER:                                                       

               This has been an INBRED production.  “INBRED, Bringing      

               humanity closer to its ancestors.”                          

          LAWYER:                                                          

               We are going to be rich.                                    

          MALCOLM:                                                         

               Oh, um, yes, yes, very…very possibly, but….but the      

               potential for disaster…                                   

          ELLIE:                                                           

               Oh, I don’t know, they have security systems run by         

               com-pu-ters and everything…                               

          GRANT:                                                           

               Certainly—the cartoon even SAID “nothing can go           

               wrong.” Honestly Malcolm, everything is “CHAOS!” with       

               you.                                                        

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               Ha ha ha, I love Haggis, don’t you kids?                    

          TIM:                                                             

               Sure, grandpa…..                                          

          LEXI:                                                            

               yeah-hey grandpa, what’s the wifi password here?            

          HAMMOND:                                                         

               “HUBRIS”, all caps.—OH, I should mention we’re having     

               an issue with a raptor. It’s hiding or loose or             

               something—nothing to worry about, I’m sure. We’ve         

               spared almost no expense retaining a wrangler of sorts      

               to recapture the beast if necessary. He’s around here       

               somewhere, a gentleman by the name of Muldoon—               

                    Suddenly, there’ a horrific SCRRREEEEEEECCCCCCHHHH     

                    of fingernails on a blackboard as behind them, a       

                    spotlight reveals Muldoon sitting on a stool in front of a large           

                    blackboard scraping the blackboard with a clawed       

                    dino-hand on a stick. Written on the blackboard is     

                    “MR. MULDOON”. He’s eating a cracker.                    

          MULDOON:                                                         

               Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch         

               this bird for you but it ain’t gonna be easy-peasy. Bad     

               Dino. Not like going down to the pond chasin’               

               hatchlings and Compys. This dino, swallow you chunk by      

               chunk. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, and down you     

               go. We do it quick and you can bring in your tourists,      

               put your business on a payin’ basis. But’s not gonna be     

               pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than a part time       

               gig, chief. I’ll find her for the gig, but I’ll catch       

               her, put her back in the pen and fully bathe her for        

               dental and a matching 401K but you’ve gotta make up         

               your minds.  You give me a piece of concessions,  I’ll      

               make her wear a dress and like it. I call her Francine.     

                    a beat..                                               

          MULDOON:                                                           

               Now why don’t you feed them, talk morality and take         

               these folks on the tour. A three hour tour.                 

                    scene                                                  

              Intermission                            

                    Curtain drops with heavy, lush green jungle scene      

                    on it. A little parade of performers dressed as        

                    popcorn, soda, candy etc. come dancing out stage       

                    left to right singing let’s all go to the lobby,       

                    jingling and dancing. When they reach mid stage,       

                    the lights all go RED, the theme from Jonny Quest      

                    starts playing. The concessions are now curious,       

                    looking around. When the pterodactyl cry comes         

                    during the theme, an actual pterodactyl on a wire      

                    will swoop down attacking the tasty food.              

                    Suddenly, it’s a blood bath. Another curtain drops     

                    down ending the aborted intermission                   

I had such a good time creating 100 Covers, I decided to go back in for another round to play with different stories. As time passed, some members departed, and new ones joined up, as “The Second 100 Covers” takes us through Covers #101 thru 200.

The great sea god Neptune attacks but when he’s defeated and reduced in age to a preteen, his attitude is much happier and his power is added to the team when “Kid Neptune” joins.

A few members take off on an adventure in time, only to come back much later than the reader thinks, as shape-shifting aliens took their place. 

Granite, the son of Rockefeller takes his dad’s place when it’s believed he dies.

The Obsidian Pride, alien lion beings from a different dimension, invade earth. One of their own turns against the pride, saving the Battalion and the planet. Zaphir then joins the team and eventually falls in love with Svea, who is eventually killed.

But her soul rests in Valhalla, and Zaphir decides to invade the realm of the dead and bring her back! They succeed, and bring back Elof as well.

An alien healer named Vanir claims he can safely separate Mala from the Tor symbiote. We assume that she goes off to see the world once she’s free but in reality, Vanir merely imprisoned her while he took on the symbiote and became Vavator.

Matunaaga, son of Mataak, also joins the team.

A subplot runs through the entire set of covers, where an arms organization is plotting with Vanator to take over and a disillusioned Granite temporarily falls in with them.

When all’s said and done, there are enough heroes for two teams and we end on a happy note, with cover 200. 

I have ruminated about a third volume called “The Last 100 Covers” which would be a big time jump going to the next generation and Covers #901 through 1,000. Sometimes it comes down to how badly the audience wants more and how big that audience is that creates the demand. Unfortunately, the different nature of the projects I do have not created a large enough fanbase to justify continuing them. 

A different kind of project.

I wanted to try a more serialized story like you’d find in comic strips. A sci fi adventure story about two young idiots, who like all of us at that age, think we’re immortal. Still a bit drunk from the night before, they stowaway on an experimental test rocket. Said test rocket is due to be unmanned for said experiment. The two young idiots merely being on the ship disrupts the experiment, causing a change in trajectory and navigation. The ship hurtles through a wormhole and ends up in our neighboring galaxy.

One of the idiots is killed on impact. The other is not so lucky. He wanders around the alien planet and although he manages to survive, he comes out a very different person in the end.

The screaming Zebra men of Alpha Centauri are the initial antagonists and they end up being used in the second Mickey & Maj story a few years later. I’m actually not sure if I was ever able to print a sample of these up. The horizontal format makes for fine web viewing but not so much for a standard printed book. And I went black and white simply to enhance the sci fi feel.

I had them all posted in an online book site which was very nice, where you could leaf through the pages on screen. But the site eventually went belly up. I’ll have to see if I can cobble together the collection and put it up on Amazon some day.

There was a point several years ago when I thought I might go in a different direction, style-wise. Maybe humorous, absurd, content, an almost completely new identity. Satire, social commentary, oddities, something that I hoped would pass for “wit” in some cases. Mostly, just bizarre stuff that would make me laugh. 

Thus was born Emil Farful.

I did a fair number of these and eventually collected them in a book and put it up on Amazon. 

Here are a couple examples.

Pssst– these are meant to be humorous. 

Well, *I* find them funny. 

I made a couple contributions to an anthology mag, the Hamtrack Idea Men somewhere around 2009. One of which was “What would you do for Love?”, a black and white eight pager about a man who’s lost all sense of reality after losing a loved one. That’s when a doll starts talking to him, telling him that it can bring his love back to him– If he does what it says, including murdering the cable repair guy. Each issue of the anthology had a running theme each time and this one was “love”, so I twisted things around into a dark twilight zone chapter. Each page had gray tones until things got extremely intense, at which point I shifted to stark black and white. All in all, I think it worked well. 

The second story I did was a short four page affair called “3 Minutes”. I don’t remember the specifics or the theme as I type this but seeing as how it was only four pages, let’s just take a look at the whole thing:

This one has been on the back burner for quite some time– ever since 100 Covers, when the tale of the Blue Bomber was told across 8 of the project. A long forgotten hero, who’s story began decades earlier, brought back into action to face off against his old foe who had once again resurfaced, Emperor Zoh.

This was one of three epic length storylines that ran during that first 100 Covers and I think I was able to hit all the major beats well enough to tell the over all tale.

The thought had since crossed my mind several times to go back and tell the whole story of how The Bomber and Zoh both came to be and to finish their stories in grand fashion. There are still things I would need to get straight, the narrative still percolating in my head. We’ll see if it all makes it through to the art stage.

If it were to be done properly, I think it would have to be four 20 page issues, or one large graphic novel, around 80 pages total. We’ll see.

I’ve always loved a good comic book cover. They say a picture paints a thousand words. When you get your comic on the stands with hundreds of others, the cover should set yours apart, set the world on fire, or just lure the reader in. 

But a good comic cover can tell part of the story in itself. Set a tone, show off the main threat, you name it. I don’t have much use for generic pin ups. If you see the latest issue of Spider-man and it’s the 14th issue in a row where they have a guest artist draw him just webslinging over New York, again, they’re doing everyone a disservice. 

So I wanted to tell a whole bunch of stories with *just* covers. I created a Superhero team called The Battalion and presented their adventures through *only* the first 100 covers of what would have been their comic run. Thus, “100 Covers”.

The reader would take in each cover and they’d be presented with a certain scenario. Then, their imagination would take over. There was usually enough moving parts in most any cover to get the wheels turning. For those who were already comic fans or those who are just acquainted with superheroes in some form, there are certain bits of shorthand– things you already know, like the good guys would always win. Certain bits you might automatically mentally add, but once again, we go back to that picture painting a thousand words. The cover opens the door, your imagination can open it wider.

It had the virtue of never having been tried before and I thought it would be an interesting challenge. I tried to fill out a decent sized, well balanced team. We had “Rockefeller”, the stone-skinned leader, “C-4”, the munitions expert, “Malator”, a woman bonded with and alien shape-shifter, “Mataak”, making a return to my universe, “Rush”, the team speedster, “Whipcord”, the hand to hand combat expert who could also handle a whip and “Elof”, Asgardian Prince (formerly Steve Steel back in the day).

I chose to present a team’s adventures for the project for a couple reasons. First, variety. Since the bulk of the story would be getting represented in the covers only, I wanted to be able give a wide variety different villains for different individual heroes, mix and match team ups, you name it. And if you’re working with a team, if there’s some transformation or threat, showing three or four team members on a cover, you can show the stages of a threat or the effect on one member while another reacts, etc. With a single hero, it’s a little tougher to tag team an added dimension to the narrative. It’s all about the quick read, getting the message across. I had one cover where the threat was the members being transformed into condensed balls of energy. With the team, all in one cover, I could show each member hitting the next stage of the transformation. Member #1 had no effects yet, while member #7 was shown in the final stage of the transformation.

So plenty of possibilities. And I had a lot of fun coming up with villains and monsters as well. One of the most enjoyable parts of the exercise was coming up with interesting names for alien races, like The Obsidian Pride, a lion race with an extremely dark blue skin tone. I also did several multipart stories. Quite often, big teams have big scale adventures, so a six part or eight part adventure gave me the excuse to show six or eight major beats or cliffhangers from a big story.

There was an eight part alien invasion story that I really sunk my teeth into over one weekend. Immersed in the ambient music of author Eric San Juan, I feverishly drove on, presenting the first several parts of the invasion all in red, as things got worse and worse and the Battalion was on its last legs. When the tide shifted and the team got the upper hand, the colors shifted back. 

Side note, the invaders were the Duvaari, the invisible, reptilian monsters originally mentioned way back in Mataak. 

There was also a Seven part “Father’s Day” story spread out amongst the main members, showing their interactions with their various fathers or kids. Finally, there were also a series of covers showing each member’s origins.

Most of my books up until now had been black and white but this was a 100 page color graphic novel. So there was absolutely no chance of being able to afford a standard print run, going through Diamond. 

And although everyone who saw the book gave it high critical praise, it took some explaining to everyone else. It was hard for a lot of people to wrap their minds around the concept. 

So, I went with Print on Demand for this one. Both 100 Covers and it’s sequel, The Second 100 Covers are still available in both digital and print formats HERE. 

I had a notion about doing a third volume, “The Last 100 Covers” but, although I’ve got 25% of it done, I’m not sure when or if it’ll see the light of day.

Under normal circumstances, I’d list the excellent, powerful, extremely significant episodes (or all of the above) and then honorable mentions for those that were still well enough above average to warrant viewing. To be honest, taking all of Series 11 and 12 into account from the Chris Chibnall/Jodie Whitaker era, I cannot give you a list of stellar or magnificent episodes. At best, I can give you three that were a cut above the others in this era. As for the rest, the best I can do is honorable mentions because this era, —I’ll be generous: This era has not been good. So, the eps of this era that were a cut above the rest:

1) The Woman Who Fell to Earth. This first ep seemed to show some promise. Showrunner/writer Chibnall makes an attempt to introduce the companions, but sadly, never really bothers to follow up with his creations, to continue to develop them. Their evolution basically begins and ends here. Jodi does well enough post regen to think she would improve. 

2) It Takes You Away – beautifully directed and written mostly by someone other than Chibnall (who’s the anti-Holmes, the anti-Moffat), this was an interesting tale, dealing with an interesting concept. Decent character development and outing for all the companions too. Thank you, writer Ed Hime.

3) Fugitive of the Judoon. Shocks, surprises, and amazement occur when the Doctor shows up and kicks ass. This was the one ep in this whole era that got me excited about DW again, for the first time since Capaldi. A shame they couldn’t follow it up properly.

Honorable mentions:

*Rosa deals with Rosa Parks and the part of the ep co-written by Malorie Black was quite good. The filler crap by Chibnall is what busted it down to HM.

*Demons of the Punjab was quite an intense, educational and enjoyable story that could and should have been a pure historical, but all the sci-fi elements intruded and watered down an otherwise top notch story so, busted down to HM.

*Skyfall began S12 and although the first half was quite good, the second half consisted of Chibnall stealing more and more bits and ideas from his predecessors and rehashing them poorly. Second half drags it down to HM.

*Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror is simply a good story, well told and educational to boot. It earned the HM. 

This is just a humble blog to recognize 50 years of wedded bliss for Lynn and Dave Horwath. I think it’s a testament to true love when an assassin with such a kill record, and checkered past, with so many haunted memories, can leave the life behind to sweep a dancer off their feet and give up the stage, the fame, the glitter.

Full disclosure: I never did see Dave dance. But I’ve heard stories.

Ely. Always just have to say….. Ely. They say a picture paints a thousand words. Well, say Dave and Lynn, then add Ely and you’ve really rambled on. 

In this era of social distancing, it’s a bit difficult to have a huge shindig for the happy couple but holy moly, Ely is one long damn drive, so these remote means will have to do. And hey, clean up is a lot easier!

But what ho, you might say, “Usually, you find a way to make everything about you, Rick. Kudos for stepping out of the spotlight to–“

OH, they couldn’t have done it without me… the actual marriage. Oh no, no, no, I had the rings. 

I was the ring bearer in the ceremony. Had I made a break for it, nothing would have been legal and they’d still be dating, have no kids, because, you know, “not married”–wink wink, so no grandkids, etc. wow.

Ah just kidding, the rings I carried on the pillow were decoys for presentation. 

I remember very little of the event (I was only 8 years old). 

I remember Lynn looking quite lovely in her dress, Dave looking dapper–when doesn’t he? (ex-dancers are always in shape)

What else… lots of people there, I remember my cousin Renee… danced with her. Yeah, from what I remember, a great time! 

Dave and Lynn, best of all wishes and congratulations on 50 years!

And remember…….

Ely…..