While Duolingo is a pretty cool, FREE app for learning languages, having finished my first month (34 consecutive days), I have some observations, notes, etc.

The cartoon mascot of the app is a little owl named Duo. Duo will try and manipulate you and your emotions. He will also try to encourage you. Sometimes shame you. It is important to remember that the app is for all ages and the owl doesn’t mean you any harm. So resist the occasional urge to kill it.

20 questions in a lesson, 4 lessons to get a crown, 5 crowns to complete a category. I think there’s like 100 categories. The app teaches you in a variety of ways. We’ll refer to Spanish for the sake of this blog but they teach pretty much all languages.

*They print a sentence in Spanish and you have to say it out loud into the speaker.

*They print a sentence in English, give you a selection of Spanish words, you build the correct Spanish sentence.

*They print a sentence in Spanish, give you a selection of English words, you build the correct English sentence.

*They give you a selection of words in Spanish and English, you tap the corresponding pairs.

*They print a sentence in Spanish, you write it out in English.

*They print a sentence in English, you write it out in Spanish. This is the one that often trips me up. Some things I can’t grasp, sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes, dumb mistakes and I aggravate myself. These dumb mistakes are the occasional masculine/feminine gaffes, verb screw ups, etc. 

There are two speakers in the Spanish app, a man and a woman. As the program progresses, they are saying longer and more complex sentences that I have to decipher. They offer a regular playback option and a slower playback option, which is them slowly saying each word, ….one….at….a….time. I hate to have to resort to the slow playback but the regular playback has them rattling the sentences off and blurring words together to a sometimes incomprehensible degree. Sometimes, quite often really, when I type out the answer, I play back the sentence at slow speed to confirm I got it right before I enter it. Otherwise, I “lose a heart”. 

In any given session, you start out with 5 hearts. If you make a mistake, you can lose a heart. You lose all five, you’re either done for the day, or you “buy” more hearts with gems that you accumulate as you play. It’s always good to have a plentiful stock of gems in case you’re having a horrible session and run out of hearts quick. 

Sometimes, if I’ve run out of hearts but did so with a stupid mistake, I’ll buy more hearts. Or if I just had a really bad run and lost them all, I might also re-up. But often, they’ll give you the chance to earn a heart by watching a short ad. Worth it. Gives you a chance to stretch. You can also subscribe and pay for the course with a monthly fee. Then you have unlimited hearts, but I actually like having the heart limit. Keeps me on my toes. But I digress. 

I was talking about replaying the recording at the slow speed just to hear what exactly is being said. The guy speaker is pretty decent. The woman, though….

There are times when I want to kill this mush-mouthed bitch. I just had an instance where she said a sentence that was so difficult to understand, I must have listened to the regular playback ten times, and the slow playback even more. And I STILL got it wrong because she pronounces her “B’s” SO softly, I thought she was saying “V’s”. I thought she was saying “vive” instead of “bebe”. So, even after going over everything with a fine tooth comb, I still got it wrong and lost a heart. I was furious. 

But in general, I’m doing well. Took a mastery quiz and after a month, I’ve “mastered” 14% of the language so far. And in the rankings, depending on how you do each week, if you’re in the top ten with points, you are in the promotion zone and able to level up to the next league come Monday morning. If you’re in the bottom five of point getters, you risk getting demoted. I just made it to the Emerald league, which is the sixth of ten levels. If I manage to keep up this pace, I will make it to the ultimate level, “Diamond”, which really only means you are doing consistently well. It’s not like you’ve finished the course or anything.

Now, in a perfect world, I’m hoping to be in a position where I’m about done with Spanish by year’s end, so maybe I can switch back to Swedish. We’ve got a potential family reunion in August of ’21, so it’d be kind of nice to have some Swedish in my noggin. 

When I started this a month ago, I tried Spanish, Swedish and Italian simultaneously, but that started to seem confusing, and I figured at one point to just focus squarely on Spanish for now and go back later for the others. No idea *when* I’ll get to Japanese or Klingon, if ever.

More later.

Adios!

New Orleans, 1867. The once proud town is now under martial law and the criminal element runs rampant since the Union victory. But a favorite son, former Reb captain, scoundrel and gambler have returned home with his friend– a Pawnee warrior, his blood brother. This son of New Orleans has come home to clean up his town from the wrong side of the law, doing whatever needs to be done. His name is Yancy Derringer. And he’ll clean up the town with his wits, his gambling, his fists, his charm, his derringers, his knife, his sword or just by charming the ladies. Think one part Rhett Butler, one part Maverick, one part Zorro.

There are times when you happen upon a true gem in the annals of television history. Although the name Yancy Derringer was only vaguely familiar in my memory, when I chanced upon it on Amazon Prime, I thought I’d give it a look. I am SO glad I did.

Yancy Derringer was based on a short story written in 1938 by pulp writer Richard Sale. It’s the story about former confederate soldier, gambler and scoundrel, returning to his home town of New Orleans three years after the Civil War. The reigning union administrator of the town, John Colton, asks for Derringer to become his secret agent, without pay or protection, cleaning up the post-war lawless frontier the town had become. Hoping Derringer’s love of his home would sway him. Derringer agreed and he, along with his friend Pahoo, a Pawnee, battled against the criminal element.

Richard Sale and his wife, writer Mary Loos, scripted the series that ran only one season, 1958-59 and brought on Jock Mahoney to portray Yancy. Mahoney, of French, Irish and Cherokee descent and a former stuntman, plays Derringer with a playful twinkle in his eye. On the surface, when hearing a stuntman is playing the lead, one may tend to get wary but Mahoney is fantastic. He’s charismatic and light hearted, but can also kick serious ass in style. He keeps 3 derringers hidden about his person, along with a knife in his belt and a sword in his walking stick. 

Mahoney being a 20 year stuntman really comes in handy here, as the 6′ 3″ athlete is every bit as dynamic on his feet as he is endearing with his lines, as the southern gentleman. Mahoney (an interesting French, Irish and Cherokee mix), almost 40 during filming, fit the part like a glove. Seemingly the role of a lifetime, which, in the past, included stunt doubling for Errol Flynn, John Wayne, and Gregory Peck. He was also the oldest actor to play Tarzan at age 43 in 1963’s “Tarzan’s Three Challenges”, where he contracted Malaria, Dengue Fever, pneumonia and dysentery and *still* managed to finish the film. He did all his own stunts in that movie, as well as on Yancy Derringer. He was one of the most respected and sought after stuntmen in the business. 

Then you have Yancy’s partner, Pahoo, the Pawnee tribesman played by X Brands. Pahoo speaks entirely in a sign language known only to Yancy and perhaps other Pawnee. He often emerges from the shadows with his sawed off shotgun or flinging his knife. You can tell Mahoney and Brands did plenty of rehearsal for the choreography of not only the bigger stunts but the smaller routines as well, especially when they’d fling their knives around to each other in the middle of a scene as casually as your average juggler. You really believe these two characters are blood brothers. In the show, it’s stated that once long ago, Pahoo saved Yancy’s life, and now feels responsible for it, thus forever bonding them together. 

The writing on the show by Mary Loos and Richard Sale is snappy, intelligent, funny and grounded. The regular female actors also had good, strong roles in show, with Frances Bergen–Candace’s mom (as Miss Francine) and Miss Mandarin/Mei ling (Lisa Lu). Both formidable in their own right and somewhat uncommon for the time. All the characters on the show were very well realized and I think it’s a testament to the care and dedication Loos and Sale gave to the scripts and production. 

Yancy Derringer only lasted one season with 34 episodes for the most unfortunate of reasons. A second season was all set to go but the network wanted to take partial ownership of the show. The owners, including Loos, Sale and Mahoney refused to give away part of their baby and the show got cancelled. 

I can not recommend this show enough. They’re an easy watch at only 25 minutes an episode and available on Amazon Prime and probably a few other places as well. You won’t be sorry.  

Patrick Troughton’s whimsical second Doctor is credited with being the most looked to Doctor when portrayed by the next generation of Doctors, starting with 5th Doctor, Peter Davison.

Now, while both the Hartnell and Troughton era’s are plagued with having episodes missing, due to the BBC’s short sighted practice of wiping old tapes to make room in their warehouse, the Troughton era was the hardest hit. Some adventures have been completed via animation. 

*Note, the second Doctor’s era focuses on a wide variety of monsters and alien threats/planets.

This time, we start with an honorable mention or two. Power of the Daleks is the first Troughton story, a six parter which is not top level Troughton material but is worth watching as we see the very first post-regenerated Doctor, early in this fourth season. It also features the Daleks and is fully animated. Evil of the Daleks is a seven part story that finishes off the fourth season and is mostly missing but is available on audio with linking narration and is highly regarded. On to the regular recommendations.

1)The Moonbase is a four part adventure which is a great showcase for the second Doctor. It features the return of the Cybermen and is a well done story with wonderfully designed sets. Two of the four eps are animated but the biggest draw here is watching Troughton at work.

2)Tomb of the Cybermen is perhaps my favorite of the Troughton era. This four parter kicks off season five with some of the best writing, characterization, cast and set design. A brilliant piece of work which has influenced future actors portraying the Doctor and how to utilize the Cybermen in future stories. Troughton at his very best.

3)The Abominable Snowmen is a six parter that’s missing but a rich story featuring the Yeti, some prime Patrick Troughton and is available on audio.

4)The Enemy of the World is a miracle in that the remaining five episodes of this six parter were recovered after a 50 year gap and the adventure is well worth it. International espionage and intrigue, as the Doctor faces off against the dictator Salamandar, a villain who looks remarkably like him.

5)The Web of Fear features the Yeti again and the first appearance of Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, the military man who would soon become the Brigadier. Five of the six parts exist and are required viewing. Easily one of the most suspenseful and eerie adventures of 1960’s Doctor Who. Top notch.

6)The Mind Robber is an imaginative five part story, all intact, which is top notch sci-fi  mixed with make believe. Fun and adventure. 

7)The Invasion is an eight part epic that is the blueprint for future UNIT (United Nations Intelligence Taskforce) stories and is a thrilling yarn. The Doctor, Jamie, Zoe, the Brig and the Cybermen. Parts one and five are animated. 

8)The War Games. This massive ten part masterpiece is Troughton’s last story and an excellent one to go out on. The threat is so big that the Doctor eventually has to call his own people, the Time Lords for help in taking care of the problem. But after doing so, he’s put on trial, exiled to Earth, forced into a new face and all knowledge of time travel is taken from him. Highly recommended. 

She stared into the mysterious black hole, not knowing what was in there or how big the cavity, but it looked ominous. The tree wasn’t that large but when she reached her whole arm in, and couldn’t feel where the back wall of the tree should be, she knew the hole led somewhere else and certainly not the other side of that tree. She made the decision to crawl through the creepy, stringy, organic, hellish hole and that’s how that episode of Stranger Things ended, leaving one a bit disturbed and creeped out. It was a fantastic show.

I was exponentially MORE creeped out, when Linda asked me to come outside and see something. A mysterious gaping hole to blackness in our backyard. It was summer, 2016. She had been in the backyard setting things up for Matthew’s high school graduation party the next day when it happened. She set a stool down and one of the legs sunk into the ground as far as it would go. Surprised, Linda looked at the small hole, maybe an inch wide. She poked at the edges with her finger and they fell away. Now the hole was three or four inches wide. Inside, only blackness. She stood and poked it with her foot, but more of the edge gave way and her foot went in to the ankle. The hole of nothingness was about half a foot across now. At this point, she got me, straight from watching the Stranger Things ep. 

We stared at the hole. I can’t even tell you what was going on in my mind at that moment. But my wife used me as an anchor and holding onto my arm, stuck her foot back in the hole and it kept going all the way up to her knee. Now, we were concerned. Not only was this hole worryingly deep, and we’d yet to find the bottom of it, and it was only about three feet from the stairs to our back deck and house, but we were also going to have dozens of guests walking around the yard the next day.

We didn’t have time to start investigating this thing– what we really feared was probably a giant freaking sinkhole. At least, not before the party, so we covered it with a door Linda had elsewhere in the back yard. It was an odd visual and a big topic of discussion at the party the next day, especially considering we had absolutely no idea where that door now *led*. I was really just hoping that if it was a sinkhole, it wouldn’t suddenly cave in during the party and that the door would be a proper temporary solution. It was. The day progressed without incident. 

The next morning, Sunday, we were up early as the curiosity was killing us, so we began the investigation. Linda took a push broom, turned it around and stuck the handle in. All five feet or so went right in. We tenderly, at first, poked away at the edges a bit and hit… a hard edge. You have to remember that underneath the grass and the dirt, there was also some of that black plastic tarp Linda put down in that section to kill weeds, etc., so that was also obscuring our visual of the edge. 

But the edge turned out to be cement. A cement lip to be precise. Pulling away the excess dirt, grass, plastic, etc., the hole was revealed to be a semi circle, about two and a half feet at its widest point. 

This was a circular hatch, which had a cement lid, half of which had cracked, broken open, and fallen into the hole. 

Now, on one hand, this was excellent news. This wasn’t a sinkhole. A sinkhole was a terrifying possibility that had me worrying that our entire house was going to collapse into it. But no, this was a man made hatch that led to a man made hole.

On the other hand, WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THE MAN MADE HOLE IN OUR YARD?

A mysterious hole in our backyard leading to blackness said Stranger Things. A *hatch* leading to blackness was more of a LOST vibe. The semi circle was wide enough now though that a bit of light was at times reflected on something inside — water in the hole. I grabbed a long, tree trimming pole that extended to about 15 feet and started sticking that inside the hole. Probing around, I felt some resistance here and there as there was some mud with the water in there but in the end, we had some rough measurements. 

The space was about 6 feet deep straight down and the floor was circular, about 11 feet wide. Having mapped that out, I asked Theresa to utilize her cell phone attached to her selfie stick, put that in the hole, with the cell’s flashlight on, and record a 360 degree video of the walls, to see what we could see. 

Brickwork. This was an underground, igloo shaped, brick structure with a lot of mud and water in it. Okay. This was a bit of a head scratcher. When we bought the house 24 years earlier, we had no idea this was here or when in the last century this was put in. 

Monday, I called the village and they sent a guy out. I figured this was something they would handle or have some helpful advice. He took a look, said, “Yeah, that’s probably an old cistern. You’d probably better fill that up.” He also said that elsewhere in the neighborhood, construction for a new house revealed a 20 x 30 foot bomb shelter in their back yard. That would have been a bit cooler, if I’m honest. 

SO…. I had to fill up the hole. First, I broke open the other half of the hatch and let it drop into the hole, so I’d have easier access to the full open circle. In the end, I figured that logistically, it’d be best to use pea gravel for filler, as it’s smaller, easier to shovel, would still allow water to seep through if necessary and any excess was an attractive enough of a stone to put down on the garden paths. I ordered seven tons of pea gravel and used probably five of them to actually fill the hole. That’s a good workout. 

All that having been resolved, it was only later that I realized that *another* mystery had also been solved. 

We moved into this house in 1992 and we eventually realized that we were the lowest point in the neighborhood. When the big rains came, we had significant flooding in our front yard and back. But not in our basement. Our basement was unfinished with a six foot high ceiling, cracks in the cement floor and no sump pump. But remarkably, it would have to rain like three weeks straight–Noah level flooding, before we’d get some seepage in our basement. But it was rare.

We just *assumed* that this was a tight, well constructed basement that kept water out because we really never had any problems. 

Come 2004, we had a whole new kitchen and back deck put in. And suddenly, *every* time it rained, be it a deluge or a drizzle, we got water in our basement. I couldn’t figure it out, except somehow, the construction changed the topographical situation concerning water flow or something. It was SO bad, in 2005, we had to contact Perma Seal to come in and do their thing, with the full basement trench system, sump pump, etc. To their credit, we haven’t had a drop of water in the basement since. 

But it wasn’t until after the discovery of the cistern that everything finally made sense. All those years, those decades–probably unbeknownst to several previous owners–that cistern was doing a pretty fantastic job of keeping that excess water away from the basement. Until the construction company that was building our new kitchen, oblivious to the existence of the cistern’s existence, destroyed its workings and put it out of business. 12 year old mystery solved, thanks a forgotten, century old water control system. 

And now you know….. the rest of the story.

Good day!

It was around September of 1973. I was in Michigan with my mom as we often were during Labor Day weekend, visiting my cousins. We’d visit and half the weekend was dedicated to watching the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy telethon. There’s a strange, morbid curiosity involved in watching a man put himself through the grinder, live on tv for 48 hours straight. Jerry usually grabbed some shuteye in the wee hours of Monday morning, that rest period grew longer as he got older, but I think at the beginning he may have rode those entire marathons out live. It was Vegas after all. It was very interesting to see these folks live, tired, wired and whatever else they may have been on, but my cousins and I usually were up late Sunday night watching the festivities and the big time celebrities of the day–hey, here comes Tom Jones! (Look it up, kids) but I really digressed here…

So that Friday night, as was the tradition back in the ’70’s, they’d show a preview of the new Saturday morning cartoon line up, starting the very next morning and 11 year old me was very excited. You see, there was a new superhero cartoon premiering and it looked like it had something to do with the Justice League. The preview was a bit worrying though. They played the new theme song and it was pretty great. Go ahead, click here for that taste.

Bombastic, inspiring, exhilarating… the announcer started giving us the line up…. the four greatest heroes…. well, ok……Superman, yeah, ok, he’s saving a train…Wonder Woman–wait, Wonder Woman gets second billing? Okay, she’s flying the invisible jet, yeah, yeah, okay, here we go…Batman! Oh, he’s got Robin with him….all he’s doing is driving the Batmobile, and what the hell is this? Two kids and a dog try to hop a ride in the Batmobile? Wait a minute, first off, the Batmobile has not now, nor ever been a four seater. What the….. the dog’s wearing a cape, oh come ON! Oh Jesus, here comes Aquaman, great, grab some fish. The hitchhiking kids are identified as Wendy, Marvin and Wonderdog. Wears a cape.. so does Marvin. Hmm. That scraping sound heard the world over at that moment was my eyes rolling to such an extent as to escape through back of my skull.

Arguably the only cool hero in the group is shuttling around kids in a Bat-station wagon. This was worrisome. The last time I’d had the opportunity to watch a Batman cartoon was maybe five years earlier with the Adventures of Batman by Filmation. The look of the cartoon was a nice mix of sensibilities from the comic of the time and Carmine Infantino’s costume designs and the pacing and adventures similar to the Adam West live action version. Some limited but dynamic animation as the caped crusaders would throw Batatangs and punches on screen, tackling the usual bunch of villains. It came on the heels of the West show and of course, that was the gold standard at the time, punch outs producing giant sound effects and featuring wild death traps and cliffhangers as the dynamic duo fought the bad guys. The West show ended in ’68 and a mere five years later, we’d now descended to Batman driving children and their pets around the neighborhood? And seriously, where was the Flash and Green Lantern? I’d always ranked them higher than Aquaman, COME ON, NOW!

The following Saturday morning confirmed all my fears. The new, gentler 1970’s seemed to have stricter rules in place for tv. I guess that might have been fine for some Disney ‘toon or Strawberry shortcake or whatever the hell else was on for kids but for the Superfriends, the new rules were ridiculous. I guess “the world’s four greatest heroes” –and Robin, Wendy, Marvin and Wonderdog– just hung around the Hall of Justice each day waiting for the Trouble Alert or whatever they called the warning system then some politician, scientist or general would come whining for help. Supes of course would fly off to the scene of the disaster, Wonder Woman would zoom off in her invisible jet, Aquaman would mount a dolphin and Batman would wait for the whole family to hop in the Batmobile. Because you wouldn’t want to head off on the mission without the dog in the cape. 

Side note: there’s a school of thought in comics that you need a stupid kid sidekick so the kids will identify with them, relate to them. That’s true IF you make the kid sidekick a truly capable, cool, ass kicking asset to the partnership. If said sidekick is an incompetent joke that always needs saving, I think kids will tell you they hate the sidekick, that the sidekick should just die already, so the cool hero isn’t always held back by the stupid kid. Kids don’t WANT to identify with lame sidekicks. And if you add two more who are even more annoying, less capable, and throw in a scaredy cat dog with a cape, you deserve whatever you get.

But what ho, Rick… if the show was so bad, why did you watch it?

Oh, that is a great question. Here’s the answer. Ready?

BECAUSE IT WAS THE 1970’S, IT WAS SATURDAY MORNING, WE ONLY HAD THREE TV CHANNELS AND NEITHER CABLE, THE INTERNET OR VIDEO GAMES EXISTED YET.

Satisfied? Good. 

(Also, it should be noted that being only 11, it would be years before I was surreptitiously searching out remote tribal porn within issues of National Geographic in the library)

Anyway, all superhero fans were left with was this and only this on Saturday morning tv. There was only so much of the Sid and Marty Kroft acid trip shows like HR Puffinstuff I could take. They eventually got rid of Wendy, Marvin and the dog and did a slight upgrade to the Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna, who, thanks to a sibling fist bump, could transform into animals and ice/water products respectively. “Shape of..a goat!” “Form of … a puddle!” And that was helpful, I guess. They also had a blue space monkey named Gleek. 

A few years passed, and now it was the late ’70’s. I watched it less, went to the library more, read comics more, finally got PONG. But they did eventually add more heroes to the mix, like the Flash, Green Lantern and Hawkman (that’s more like it). The producers also wanted to add a bit of diversity to the extremely White cast of heroes, so they set about grabbing some of DC’s heroes of color. 

Oops. 

DC wasn’t really packin’ a lot of diversity at the time. 

Taking a quick inventory, I think DC had:

*Black Lightning –the title kinda says it all, but he was a C-lister.

*Teen Titan Mal Duncan, the Hornblower –I don’t really remember much about him, but he was a C-lister that may have already retired. I don’t remember what the horn did. Not sure anyone did. So, no go.

*Bumblebee, another Teen Titan, C-lister, maybe quit the biz to be with Mal. No go.

*Jon Stewart Green Lantern. This was unfortunate on a couple levels. First, he was usual portrayed as a bitter, angry black man when he premiered years earlier. Second, he was designated as the “alternate back up” GL, behind Hal Jordan and then Guy Gardner. Third, they already brought Hal’s GL into the show. So no luck there.

SO, Black Lightning was a good possibility BUT DC, cheap bastards that they were, didn’t want to pay BL creator Tony Isabella residuals or for using Black Lightning in the show. So they created the knock off Black Vulcan. To this day, Tony is very loud about what he thinks of DC.

Yeah.

Then, after seeing DC had no Asian heroes available, the producers created Samurai, an Asian guy who dressed up more like a genie but had wind manipulation powers (think Red Tornado), invisibility, fire manipulation and could cast illusions! It was a crazy set of very impressive powers but you can see how well they parlayed the character into legendary greatness because surely everyone remembers… Samurai!

Also, no Native American superheroes to be found at DC, so in came Apache Chief, who could grow to giant size, which was pretty cool. 

Finally, added even later, representing Mexico, was El Dorado. *This* guy had super strength, telepathy and teleportation. Geez, this guy sounded impressive too, but I think maybe I’d stopped watching by this point or just no longer paid attention. Frankly, looking back at the description, all four of these sounded more interesting than the regular line up but don’t worry– as written, these new heroes were just as bland and uninteresting as everyone else. Imagine if any of the creators of this show actually gave a damn or made an effort to write the characters in an interesting manner? Nah, kids aren’t worth it, right?

The show, in its different incarnations and titles, like Challenge of the Superfriends, The Legendary Superpowers Show, Galactic Guardians, etc. went until 1985 but I was long gone. It would be the following century before we got a cartoon worthy of the Justice League when wunderkind Bruce Timm did the honors but I’ve got a separate blog on that.

Ah, the ’70’s. Three channels. Good times, I guess. If the library was open. 

26 years ago, Theresa Renee Lundeen slid into the world, possibly because she thought there was a party out here. I understood her confusion. Being first time parents, we were trying to go for a mood and were playing Bob Marley in the birthing room. 

She resembled Tweety Bird for quite some time when she was little. She’s turned napping into an art form and if it could be a vocation, she’d make it happen. I’d say she no longer hoards stuff but I haven’t been to her apartment in many months. (She comes here)

*At a very early age, she was hanging with our friends, much more mature than her actual years. 

*She’s excellent at planning, organizing, getting things done.

*She skillfully shifted her major at SCAD from illustration (can be dicey getting a job), to User Experience (an incredibly in demand vocation regarding making it easier to navigate websites). 

*She’s a very good designer.

*Is learning Swedish.

*Was gainfully employed within two months of graduation.

*Has successfully maintained an 8 year relationship, even though five years were long distance.

*She has an interesting mix of Lin’s and my sense of humor.

*She’s a considerate and thoughtful person.

What more could I ask for? Lin and I are both very proud of her. 

Happy birthday, hon.

Do you ever let your toenails get away from you? I swear to god, I clipped the damn things like two weeks ago and I already feel capable of scrambling up a tree with my nuts. Perhaps the squirrel analogy shouldn’t be applied here. 

My wife is fond of reminding me that I once wore a hole in our sheets just by the motion of my feet moving back and forth in bed. One night my foot got caught in the hole I created. 

I felt the pointed nail of shame.

Some say it’s best to cut those toe nails right out of the shower. I disagree. Sure, the nails are soft but good lord, they’re *too* easy to cut at that point. I snipped a tiny part of my little toe off a couple times. That helps no one.

Bu what ho, you say…what does this have to do with the coronavirus?

Nothing. Why do you ask?

So anyway, yes, I clip well away from shower time. Just me and the clippers, folding my tree trunk-like body, attempting to get the littlest toe in a stranglehold that’s twisted it into a position close enough to see what I’m working with. It’s also vital, after clipping the littlest toe to make sure I don’t leave any kind of stupid point to the nail in the middle. Because later that night in bed, there will come a moment when the nail is dragged across the sheet and there’ll be the tiniest *sound* of threads being ripped asunder and that will not stand. And I really don’t want to have to get out of bed, get down on the floor, and start pretzeling myself into the clipping position just to clip the teeny tiny little toe point.

As I was saying, I start at the little toe because it’s the hardest one to wrestle into submission, the smallest, the one most fraught with danger of bloody snipping and of course, it’s the farthest away. After those little bastards, the operation gets easier. Finally, I’m at peace for awhile. But it really seems like almost no time passes and here we go again. That’s one of the many problems with as you get older, time passes more and more quickly the older you get. Suddenly, you’re always hunched over your toes, clipping away. 

I’ll have to do this tomorrow. I swear to god, I feel like they’re so long right now, they’re starting to curl over like Howard Hughes. Time to clip this in the bud before I’m forced to wear Kleenex boxes on my feet!

Hope the sheets hold out. 

Today, the sun’s bosom was heavy with Kamiaru.

People walked the land, distancing. Their steps light with Kamiaru.

And when they came within earshot of another, they voiced “Kamiaru!”

And the other voiced back “Kamiaru!”

“Jinx!” they both screamed, and they laughed and laughed and … Kamiaru.

Far away, in another place, someone held back. They did not feel Kamiaru.

But do not worry, Kamiaru is different to all yet all are of the Kamiaru.

Little Jimmy is deep in it and Lally Sue is simply slathered in Kamiaru.

Kamiaru is light and joy. It is the reflection in your counter and sits atop your tree.

It’s in the corner of your eye and slightly behind your soul.

It is the mixture of all color and the absence of light.

And when things look their darkest and you need the heavens to open up,

to shower light, split the sea and crack wide the earth,

You may shout Kamiaru!   Kamiaru!  Kamiaru!

And when the dust settles, all is calm, and you’ve smited the unyielding,

You might turn to another, some six feet away, and ask…

“Are You of The Kamiaru?”

If that happens, don’t panic, just remember– Kamiaru is just what comes out when you’re trying to type “January” and your right hand is lined up over the keyboard one letter off to the right. Try it! 

Thank you. 

Hey, more about me!

I’m not sure what category of homunculus I am — but I’ve got weird skin. I don’t get any kind of nasty psoriasis or anything like that but here’s the thing: technically, I’m allergic to my own sweat. When I was little, I was allergic to a TON of stuff. Tomatoes in any form, chocolate, SO many things outside (thus my aversion to nature), I *think* certain types of milk as well, can’t remember. But there was a stretch where I had to go see the allergy doctor every week forever. I seem to remember being the only kid in school who never got inoculated against Measles, Mumps, Chicken Pox, etc. precisely because of my severe allergies. I do remember the kids in line in class for the injections, none too happy about it, while I sat there unaffected and somewhat happy I wasn’t getting stuck with that bizarre device. I don’t know much more than that and I’m sure my mother no longer remembers. I *think* I’d been vaccinated since then, don’t know. But then again, I’ve never HAD Measles, Mumps or Chicken Pox, and I certainly don’t want them now. But, back to the whole skin bit.

I’ve mostly grown out of the sweat allergy thing, but in regards to my unusual skin quality, I think it’s all part of heat being my Kryptonite, as I’m a profuse sweater. I sweat a lot and don’t react well to it. It certainly doesn’t help when the weight is up either. I’m a human blast furnace, always giving off heat in immense waves. Why do you think I wear shorts all the time? Why do you think *my* regular body temperature is 97.6? Gotta keep me cool. Always expelling that heat.

And then there’s what happens when I’m submerged in water for long periods of time. Let’s say I’m in a pool for 20 minutes. Once I get out, I can’t put shoes on and I have to be careful, because if I scrape against anything, the skin just comes right off. If I try to slip on a tennis shoe, using my finger as a makeshift shoehorn? Lose the skin on the heel, finger, whatever gets the friction. Is it the fact that my body continually throws off heat through my skin and putting me in water is kinda like boiling a chicken and the skin comes off too easily, or maybe it’s like ribs when the meat just falls off the bone? I don’t know, I don’t like ribs. 

It’s all very bizarre. 

Then there’s the “Hobbit Patch”. A small stretch of skin beneath my elbow that inexplicably grows a heavy patch of hair. For all intents and purposes, you’d think I had a subcutaneous troll doll hidden away within my forearm. 

And I don’t dare shave it as it’ll grow back thicker and darker than ever before…. 

That’s the fear.

Am I sharing too much? Well, the good news is, I don’t think things will get any more intimate than this, if it’ll make you feel any better. But as I write this, we are still in lockdown and I’ve still got over 7 months of daily blogs that I am determined to see completed. There is the fear that I’ll run out of things to say, experiences to share, true tales to relate, goofy stories to create, etc. 

But so far, so good.

You lucky, lucky people.

This’ll be a primer for any aspiring Doctor Who fan who wants to get a quality look at some past incarnations of the Doctor.

William Hartnell’s Doctor was an imperious, tetchy old man who gave as good as he got. And started a legend.

*Note: the first Doctor era mainly focuses alien planets/threats and purely Earth-historical adventures.

There are a number of really well done stories from the first Doctor era, starting with 1) An Unearthly Child, the very first DW story. Shown in four parts, AUC introduces us to teachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright (teaching science and history, respectively), their unusual student, Susan “Foreman”, and her mysterious grandfather, known as the Doctor in 1963 London. We see the adventure mostly through Ian and Barbara’s eyes as they discover that Susan and her grandfather are living in a police box set inside a junkyard. But the police box in reality contains a different, much larger dimension inside it and can travel through space and time. They take an inadvertent trip back to prehistoric times and danger. This story is a wonderful way to meet and experience these new characters and sets the table going forward.

2)The next recommendation would have to be the second story, a seven parter, referred to as either The Dead Planet or The Daleks. Yes, the first story to feature an alien planet, also introduces us to the Doctors biggest, most ruthless, hateful enemies. This is another good story where we learn more about our protagonists. But also about the metal tyrants. The story also introduces the Thals, the other indigenous race of the planet who would defy the Daleks.

3)The fourth adventure would surely be on the list if not for it being missing– part of many stories that were wiped from the BBC archive in the ’70’s. The seven part Marco Polo is still worth listening to, as the soundtrack is available, complete with linking narration. A fantastic journey featuring the Tardis crew traveling through ancient Cathay with Polo in his caravan.

4)Next would be the Aztecs, another purely historical adventure that lands the crew in 12th century Mexico, Barbara is mistaken for an Aztec goddess and the crew, separated from the Tardis, must insinuate themselves into the culture, while trying to find a way to escape. All the while, being careful not to get on the wrong side of the powers that be, for the Aztecs are no stranger to human sacrifice. This excellently written, performed, directed and designed four parter might actually be my favorite of the Hartnell era. 

5)Going to the second season, the three part Planet of Giants is an interesting adventure, as by some cosmic mishap, the Tardis and crew are shrunk down to approx. 1 inch tall on present day earth and have to survive the predicament they find themselves in, stopping a rogue scientist from unleashing a deadly gas. The biggest treat is the marvelous selection of oversized props the actors have to work with. 

6)The Dalek Invasion of earth takes place in 2150 and the six part story features the second confrontation between the Doctor and the Daleks on an Earth that’s already been conquered by the metal maniacs. Loaded with action and intrigue.

7)The Romans is a four part pure historical that is a very well done adventure but also a comedic romp at times. Highly recommended.

8)To end the second season, The Time Meddler, the four part historical set in 1066, that introduces us to the Monk, one of the Doctor’s own people, but indeed a meddler, who sets out to mess up history for his own amusement.

9)From the third season, the single part story, Mission to the Unknown, a prologue to a bigger adventure that would premiere *after* the four part story, The Myth Makers. A tale of the taking of Troy, that’s very much in the action oriented/comedic romp style of the Romans. Available in audio only but well worth a listen. 

10)The previously mentioned big adventure is The Dalek Master Plan, a massive, 12 part epic that spans epochs and galaxies and the stakes don’t get much bigger. Most of the video adventure is missing but listening to the soundtrack with linking narration is well worth your time, letting your imagination paint a picture. The stakes had never been bigger than in the DMP, as the enemies of earth’s solar system, along with the Daleks, seek out The Time Destructor, the deadliest device in the universe. 

So if you want a good representation of the first Doctor’s era, here stories are a very good place to start. 

Honorable mention: The Tenth Planet, which, while not one of the best of the Hartnell era, it is worth watching this four parter for a couple reasons. 1) it’s the first appearance of the Cybermen, a humanoid race that, in the name of improving themselves and eliminating sickness, eventually replaced almost all their organic parts for machines, becoming, emotionless cyborgs. 2) It is the second story of the fourth season and Hartnell’s last adventure, as at the end, he collapses and we witness his very first regeneration.