Superior Spider-man – part two

Peter Parker’s mind, trapped in the terminally ill, decaying body of Otto Octavius is dead. 

Otto Octavius’ mind now possesses Parker’s body.

But not all is as it seems. In Peter’s last moments, his entire life flashed before his eyes AND Otto’s. Otto experienced all of Peter’s life at once and it changed him. 

Your life experience is a big part of what shapes the person you become and in that moment, Otto really did get what being Parker and Spider-man were all about and he resolved himself to be a better man, to use his many gifts to help humanity and actually BE a Superior Spider-man. 

In one life changing moment, the evil super genius was replaced by a man truly seeking redemption.

Mind you, he was still an arrogant jerk who often spoke like a super villain. He couldn’t help himself, but he was legit going to try his best, in both science and Superheroing.

And he did! 

Otto applied his scientific brilliance to inventions and specifically updated, modified and enhanced everything about the way Spider-man operates. Adding enhanced  properties to his eye pieces, extra mechanical arms, even employing nano tech with spider-tracers into his finger tips along with dangerous offensive claws.

He created an army of small spider-bots that would patrol the city as his eyes and ears to root out potential trouble or to find his enemies. He also gave the police a huge boost by employing a sort of triage to crime reports, as his bots would notify police of any wrongdoings in the vicinity, things more suited to their capabilities, while he focused on the higher priority problems. 

In short, he truly was a Superior Spider-man in every way. 

Unfortunately, Parker was still a problem. On a couple levels.

Otto wanted to start developing new inventions, breakthroughs, etc., since he was now Doctor Parker. 

One problem. Peter never got his doctorate. This angered Otto and blew his mind, that Parker never even managed to accomplished this, so HE had to do it FOR him. So  back he went to university to rectify it. 

Another problem — Peter wasn’t quite dead and gone. He was mostly dead, but not all the way. Peter’s essence was still in there but at the moment, all he could do was observe everything Otto did. The scariest and most horrific backseat ride ever.

Peter could see Otto successfully accomplishing everything Peter could and should have done as Spider-man. 

Otto was totally oblivious to Peter’s presence though.

Unfortunately, Peter could also see Otto’s memories of *his* past life, including the romantic time he spent with Aunt May–it…was a thing many years ago. 

And even MORE unfortunately, he could do nothing but watch as Otto tried to hook up with Mary Jane. Good thing for Peter then, that Otto had absolutely no game whatsoever. Things moved way too slow between them –thank goodness– and Otto actually found someone else at university, one Anna Maria Marconi.

Otto was impressed and taken with Anna Maria on many levels. Not only did she have a keen intellect but, as a little person, faced her share of challenges, which Otto could relate to from when he was the abused little fat kid.

It was quite a lovely relationship and Anna Maria was good for Otto, who had everything running and operating quite well, right down to creating his (Peter’s) own corporation. 

And during this time, let’s not forget that Spidey was appearing in several books a month, all featuring Otto as TSS. And it was kinda wonderful. 

Of course Otto could be an intolerant, opinionated jerk, but he was also incredibly logical and most of the time, made a lot of sense. He was usually right. The only thing working against him was his brusque attitude. But, oh, there were moments, brilliant moments.

At one point, he was summoned to the Baxter Building, HQ of the Fantastic Four. Otto naturally assumed that since Peter and Reed had worked together in the past, that Richards was once again seeking a friendly consult of some sort or maybe his other skills were needed for something else. So you can imagine how he took it when it turns out that it wasn’t the actual FF but the temporary replacement team (Ant man, She Hulk, Medusa and some woman in a Thing suit) who was heading off on a mission. They just contacted Spider-man to watch the kids. Priceless. 

He also featured in his team up book and met up with the X-men to battle a giant spider creature in Manhattan. A battle plan already in his head, he quickly started shouting orders, and being pure Otto, raised Wolverine’s suspicions. But when Logan got on his case, instead of the usual response Spidey would give, backing off with a joke or a yessir…..Otto kicked his ass. Otto Octavius, in Spider-man’s body, pounded the hell out of Wolverine and knocked him out. It was a pleasure to behold because let’s face it, even the X-men admitted they’ve all wanted to do that to him at some point.

The biggest hurdle was the Avengers though, since he, as Spidey, was a member in good standing, the team tried to basically interrogate him as to his recent conduct in the field. Otto, as Spider-man, was a lot more brutal on crime, with only the presence of Peter managing to exert at least enough control to stop him going further. They were suspicious and Otto feared they might somehow detect he was not who he said he was. The disembodied Parker was ecstatic though, that they would find out. Cursory tests came up inconclusive. But before they could do an ultra deep probe into his psyche, Otto beat them all to the punch, angrily taunting Captain America himself about not respecting Otto’s rights, his personal *freedom*. Cap relented. Game set and match, Otto.

At one point, Otto did come to realize Peter was still in there and set about extinguishing that spark and seemingly did so.

I’ll be honest. Yes, it was an evil plan Otto had to take over Peter’s life, and it succeeded. 

And really, it was the mist interesting the book had been in many, many years. 

But we all knew Otto couldn’t keep Peter’s body. But to turn it around, you would have to write quite a story. It was in the hands of Dan Slott.

Frankly, I thought the end result was lacking. A bit weak. I didn’t quite buy it. 

Basically, while Otto was setting up *his* operation, Norman Osborne, the Green Goblin, was amassing his own grand plans with a Goblin army behind Otto’s back and underneath the city, away from prying eyes. 

When Osborne launched the attack against the city in earnest, we’re led to believe it was all too much for Otto, who eventually weakened his resolve enough for what little of Peter was left to get a hand hold. Eventually, Otto preferred that Peter come to the forefront, and regain control, as this was the type of fight he was much better at staging. Most of all, he felt Peter was better equipped to save Anna Maria, who was in danger along with all Peter’s friends and family. So Otto stepped aside for Peter to take over, thus jettisoning Otto forever from Peter’s head. 

And Peter battled back and stopped the Goblin, blah blah blah.

Later, Peter had to break the bad news to everyone else about what had been going on. Including poor Anna Maria. 

Sure, Slott did what he had to do to bring back the status quo but it was a boring status quo. Otto was pretty brilliant, and I have a hard time believing that the guy who came so close to ruling the world, and could manage leadership of the Sinister six and so many operations in the past, couldn’t take down crazy Norman Osbourne. A little bit too much on the nose for my money. I didn’t buy it, any more than I buy Peter managing so much better. And Peter….

Peter gets his own body back, his life back, plus he’s now got the doctorate Otto got for him, a successful corporation, inventions and patents Otto got for him. Nothing he himself had earned. 

I guess you could say it could be considered just reward for what Otto put him through. 

But of course within a rather short amount of time, Peter managed to lose everything and go bankrupt. Nothing to do with the Parker luck, just Peter being an idiot. And he really shouldn’t be. Depicting him as a loser on this scale is just sad and that’s why I stopped following the book after Otto went away.

I think they tried to put together another Superior Spider-man book working some time displacement angle or I don’t know what but it wasn’t the same. 

And it’s a shame.

Because for a while, the book and the character were actually interesting again.

Crumply animals

There’s an orange tiger laying in the dining room

Silent and staring at the sky

There’s a curled up giraffe on the parquet floor

A yellow face and winky eye

Somewhere at school there’s a hidden gorilla

Just waiting for the children to meet

But there’s no threat and no one’s worried

Because the gorilla has no feet

Careful not to startle the elephant

Let the penguins go on their way

For they’re just crumply animals

On the walls at school today

Animal kingdom by Linda Lundeen…

That’s a No-no!

I’m writing this Sunday night, still thinking about having witnessed my first no-hitter by a Cubs pitcher in –maybe– ever. Alec Mills, a college walk-on pitcher who worked his way up through the ranks to the majors, threw a no-hitter against the Milwaukee Brewers today. It was only the 16th no-hitter ever in Cubs history, going all the way back to the 1800’s. Mills background is somewhat of Cinderella story but another reason this no-hitter was such a stunner is that he’s more of a finesse pitcher like Hendricks, not a barn burner/strike out king like Scherzer. Mills greatest strength is that he limits hitters to a lot of weak contact. He gave up a few walks, only had five strike outs, but no one could get anything going against him and he was simply on top of the situation and all his pitches were working great.

It was just a major feat and really heart warming accomplishment and I’m really glad I got to witness it.

It’s only one I ever watched live.

*Maybe* I was watching one or both of the Holtzman games in ’69 or ’71, Burt Hooten in ’72 or Pappas in ’73, as I was already a Cubs fan but that was a long time ago and frankly, I can’t really remember. Although I have possibly a dim memory of Burt Hooten. But it is possible I just remember there *being* a Burt Hooten, which doesn’t help.

I missed the Zambrano game at the remote site in ’08.

But hey, you’d think I’d have been watching at least one of the two no-no’s that Arrieta tossed in ’15 or ’16 but no, I only caught footage after the fact. 

Eight of the 16 happened in my life time.

Ken Holtzman

The other eight? Five of them happened in the 1800’s, when everything was sepia tone, and one guy had the first three!

Surely you remember Larry Corcoran?! He, along with his faithful catcher, Silver Flint (that is a real name) delivered three gems for their skipper Cap Anson, against the Boston Red Caps in 1880, the Worcester Ruby Legs in 1882 and the Providence Grays in 1884. First of all, these were some great names of teams and maybe the greatest name of a catcher EVER. Second, can you believe that Corcoran, he of the three no-hitters, never made it into the Hall of Fame? That’s unfortunate.

Larry Corcoran

John Clarkson took advantage of Silver Flint’s amazing ability to call a game and ALSO delivered a no-no against the Grays in 1885 for skipper Cap Anson.

Back to great team names, in 1898, Walter Thornton no-hit the Brooklyn Bridegrooms.

Then you had sweet Jimmy Lavender, who stymied the New York Giants in 1915, Sam Jones gave no quarter to the Pittsburg Pirates in 1955 and Don Cardwell stopped the Cardinals cold in 1960.

But that’s it. The entirety of Cubs no-hitters going back almost 150 years! 

It’s rare, 

It’s awesome sauce,

And I’m honored to finally watch one. 

Congratulations Mr. Mills, you made some history today. 

*Side note #1: Victor Caratini caught he game for Alec today and he got a hug. 

His name isn’t quite as cool as Silver Flint though. Sorry Vic.

*Side note #2: Lucas Giolito no-no’d for the White Sox a few weeks ago, making this the only season where both The Cubs and Sox pitchers threw no-hitters. 

*Side note #3: during the Milt Pappas game, he had a PERFECT game going with two outs in the ninth inning, when home plate umpire Bruce Froemming called one pitch ball four instead of strike three, thus taking away the PG. Milt was very angry.

*Side Note #4: Carlos Zambrano threw his no-hitter at Milwaukee’s Miller Park against the Astros in 2008 as a neutral site because of a hurricane threatening Houston. So… the only no-hitters thrown in the Milwaukee Brewers home park–TWO of them, have been thrown by Cubs pitchers. For AP,ace that’s usually known as Wrigley North, that has GOT to piss off Brewer fans. 

That’s a shame.

How to Talk a Person through Emergency Situations on the Phone (probably)

In an ongoing effort to not only entertain and reminisce but also to inform, I thought it might be helpful give a few examples of how to help people out in various situations on the phone. Some day, society will create some type of emergency hotline with an easy to remember number and then you can call them. But until we reach that crazy utopia, I think this info I’m about to pass on to you will be invaluable. 

Rest assured, these are all official and responsibly recognized as proper phone ettiquette taken from 1970’s television shows, most of them airing in prime time from *each* of three channels. So the following methods *must* be right but for god’s sake, don’t try this at home.

Take note: In each scenario, I will be answering the call and solving problems/saving lives but my demeanor will be reassuring, my voice calm, yet forceful.


>ring<

Me: HELLO. I’M HERE TO HELP.

caller: hey man, I ate some shrooms and the trees are yelling at me…

HEY MAN, I DIG, I DIG. ARE YOU IN A TENT, THE WOODS OR A DOMICILE?

I’m in a tent, man.

GROOVY. THERE HAVE BEEN FRIENDLY WARNINGS ALL DAY AROUND THE FESTIVAL ABOUT THE BROWN MUSHROOMS AND NOT TO TAKE THEM.

Festival?

THAT LAST BAND WAS OUTTA SIGHT. ANYWAY, WHAT KIND OF SHROOMS DID YOU TAKE? THEY WERE NOT BROWN, WERE THEY?

Maybe?

WHAT’S YOUR NAME, MAN?

Billy…

OKAY, LISTEN JAZZ, WE ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

Thanks man, I —

YOU ARE NOT GONG TO DIE ON ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH.

Wha—

I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE, JAZZ, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TO LIVE FOR. CAN YOU STILL SEE YOUR SURROUNDINGS? 

Uh, yeah, I see the tent…

INDUCE VOMITING

Really?

DO IT, DO IT NOW, JASMINE BABY, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. DO IT DO IT!

>herk<

DID YOU DO IT JAZZ? 

Cough- yeah… I made a mess in the tent…

OMAR IS PROUD OF HIS JASMINE, OMAR LOVES YOU BABY!

Wha–

>click<


That one was relatively easy, just keep them talking and induce vomiting. The next one presents a bit more of a challenge:


>ring<

HELLO. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Please help me, the pilot, the co-pilot, and everyone else are all dead, I’m all alone, trying to fly the plane!

WAS IT THE FISH?

What?

ON THE FLIGHT—DID EVERYONE BUT YOU EAT FISH? THEN THEY DIED?

I ….I don’t know, the person sitting next to me did I think. I didn’t, but—

KNEW IT. THEY NEVER LEARN. 

What am I supposed to do?

DON’T EAT THE FISH, FOR ONE THING.

I meant about flying the plane! You’ve gotta help me! There’s a mountain!!!!!!

CALM YOURSELF, YOU ARE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF. DO YOU HAVE A PEANUT ALLERGY? 

No….why? What does that–

JUST CURIOUS. IT IS THE DAMNEST THING HOW PEANUT ALLERGIES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE THESE DAYS. DID WE JUST NOT RECOGNIZE IT WAY BACK WHEN OR IS THIS ALL THAT MONSANTO CRAP AGAIN? I CANNOT FIGURE IT.

Listen, please, please tell me what to do, we’re headed straight toward the mountain!!!!

DO YOU HAVE STEERING WHEEL IN FRONT OF YOU?

Y-yes…

WELL THEN TURN AWAY FROM THE MOUNTAIN, HOW HARD IS THIS? OR HERE’S AN IDEA, GO OVER THE MOUNTAIN.

Okay, okay, I’ve got it, we’re turning

HEY, WHAT IS YOUR ALTITUDE? SHOULD BE A DIAL THAT SAYS ALTIMETER AROUND THERE SOMEWHERE, OH, ALSO A LITTLE TINY PLANE GRAPHIC THAT YOU CAN LINE UP IN CROSSHAIRS TO SEE IF YOU ARE LEVEL, I ALWAYS LIKE THAT ONE.

Uh…altimeter says 1,233 feet–now it’s 1,100 feet

YIKES, YOU ARE VIRTUALLY PLUMMETING. CAN YOU FIND AN AIRSTRIP, A STRAIGHTAWAY SECTION OF A HIGHWAY OR A HUGE MEGA-MALL PARKING LOT? 

I… I don’t know…

HEY, WHAT IS YOUR NAME, HONEY?

Frank…

OKAY JAZZ-SWEETIE, YOU AND ME, WE ARE GONNA LAND THIS BIRD TOGETHER, OKAY?

O-okay…

FIND AN AIRSTRIP YET, OR A QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD?

No, th-the ocean is getting closer though…

OCEAN? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

We were on our way to Seattle…

AH. OKAY, CHANGE OF PLANS. YOU SAID EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAD? 

I *think* so but—

OKAY, KINDA AWKWARD, BUT IF THERE IS A CONVENIENT OCEAN AROUND, JUST PUT HER DOWN THERE. BRIGHT SIDE, A LOT LESS PROPERTY DAMAGE, AND WE DON’T HAVE TO REALLY TEST MY KNOWLEDGE ON MAKING A PERFECT LANDING. IN FACT, THIS IS PERFECT! WE HAVE A WHOLE OCEAN TO WORK WITH! I NEVER COULD ACCURATELY ADVISE ON USING THE REVERSE THRUSTERS AFTER YOU SET DOWN ON LAND ANYWAY. YOU WOULD LITERALLY JUST SPEED THROUGH NEIGHBORHOODS, CITIES, ETC. UNTIL YOU CRASHED. THIS, MY BEAUTIFUL JASMINE, IS ALL GOOD NEWS. OKAY, BEFORE YOU HIT THE WATER, PULL BACK ON THE WHEEL, KEEP THAT NOSE UP, GOT IT?

Aaaaaaaaaaaa*

JAZZ? 

>click<


All things considered, that ended as best it could. We in the business call that “a convenient ocean placement”. But I hope you took note about keeping the nose of the airplane up. Always keep that nose up. I can’t tell you how many shows employed that advice. Okay, one more to end on. Pretty standard but worth covering.


>ring<

HELLO, THIS HAD BETTER BE IMPORTANT.

Yes, my wife and I are in a restaurant and she’s in labor!

CONGRATS! MY MAN! OKAY, HOW FAR APART…

Contractions are a minute apart and she looks pretty well dilated…

OH, THIS ISN’T YOUR FIRST CHILD?

It’s our sixth…

OH COME ON JAZZ, SERIOUSLY, —SIXTH?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EVEN NEED ME FOR? THAT LITTLE SUCKER IS JUST GONNA SQUIRT OUT, JUST MAKE SURE YOU’VE GOT BIG CLEAN TOWELS OR CLOTH NAPKINS TO CATCH THE NEW ARRIVAL.

Wahhhhhhh…..

AND, THERE YOU GO.

>click<


That was a bit disappointing– never even got the chance to tell him to tell her to push. But six? Good lord, a sneeze might do it. 

Well, I’m exhausted. 

This has been the wealth of my knowledge in these matters. 

Keep in mind, I’m neither a doctor, nor air traffic controller.

Last helpful tip: At the end of a call, no matter who it is, just utter “You sound delicious.”

Until next time, remember to keep the nose up, because the thing IS.

Doctor Who on vinyl……But Do I Need It?

I’m going to try and lay out just how my thought process worked itself out here.

Okay, so the other day on the Doctor Who companion (a site I regularly contribute to),  they previewed another old, 1960’s Doctor Who story that was being released on vinyl for vinyl record day or whatever you call it. A cool story that exists only via soundtrack as it’s one of many stories that were wiped from the BBC 50 years ago to make room for other tapes. This one, “The Massacre of St. Bartholomew’s Eve” takes place in 1572 and leads into the actual bloody historical event.

This latest release got me thinking about some of these special vinyl offerings. Which is dangerous.

Mostly because I’ve done my time in vinyl. I’ve had my collection back when I was a kid, limited as it was because I’ve never been a huge music guy. I practically skipped over cassettes and landed on CD’s, where I still have my biggest collection of music. I don’t think I’ve ever bought more than one or two items all told in two different forms of media, which is pretty good, I think. But even when I was well into CD’s, I still had the whole set up which included a turntable. But I hadn’t bought vinyl in decades even then. I think I finally got rid of the set up around the turn of the century, as you could play the CD’s on the desktop computer and in the DVD players. So away it went.

But now, they task me. 

The BBC are putting out these lovely packaged designs with beautiful art on the album covers. I mean, when it comes to art presentation, a good album cover is just about as important as a good comic cover, maybe more so. It can *really* be an experience.

Some of these covers call to me.

And the records themselves — some have very cool designs, different color vinyl, just a very neat part of the whole experience. 

Enticing. But I must maintain control. That’s when the rationalization and internal discussion/debate/brawl/fight to the finish begins. One man enters, a beaten man leaves!

I don’t need to start spending money on Doctor Who vinyl.

But it’s some beautiful art.

Some of these deluxe packages are anywhere from $40 to three times that!

Gasoline is expensive too and that doesn’t last. These last.

You always bring up the gasoline argument. 

It’s true, I do.

But what about the record player? Those are expensive too!

Not as expensive as you think. 

Really?

Yes, I’ve seen some cool record players for like $50.

But they take up space—

Ah—some of them come in little suitcases so they’re mobile and even have a retro look that Linda would like.

Oh, I see what you did there. 

Yes, thank you. 

Yeah, but speakers–

Built in. Yeah, believe it or not, things have changed a lot since you bought your last turntable 35 years ago. Old man.

I suppose…..and watch it….

Another reason to buy…

Yes?

If you don’t buy a record player, you may need to buy something with a CD player *anyway*, for your Doctor Who soundtrack CD’s. Why not buy a record player with a CD player inside it?

I usually played the CD’s in the Bose DVD player….

You had to get rid of the Bose DVD player when it crapped out.

I used to play them on the iMac…

Your previous iMac with the disk slot. This one doesn’t have one. “Progress”.

Ah, wait, we still have the Bose DVD player in the family room.

Well sure, if you really want to walk all the way over there.

Hmmm. Point. But bottom line, we *do* already have a CD player, and a combo machine like a record player with a built in CD player is more expensive. AND, why get a CD player to play CD’s *and* a record player to play records that have all the same stuff I already have on CD?

True.

And let’s face it, I DO have all the soundtracks and videos of all the DW stories. Diving into the vinyl world for all this would end up costing me anywhere from $500 to $1,000 when it was all said and done, because I know me. 

Well yes, it would run up a bill, but gosh, that artwork on The Web Planet… 

Yeah…

The Dalek Master Plan….

Mmmmmmm….

MARCO POLO….

GUH! Alright, I’ll tell you what, we just finished paying off the mortgage a few months ago and we just had the house painted.

Okay…

How about we see where we’re at next year? If we have a surplus of cash and the world is still standing and no other cataclysmic event comes to pass, maybe then we’ll buy the pretty albums, hmm?

Deal! You’re the best!

Well, *you’re* a delight!

Everyone’s getting sick of that, ‘cuz I’m really not.

No, of course not. It’s just so absurd it makes me laugh.

Ha! Me too. 

And there you have it. I talked myself out of it until next year. 

But if you get a chance, check them out. 

Some of them are really wonderful. 

TV slow binge- The Rockford Files

I’ve always been a James Garner fan, yet I never watched his shows back in the day. Go figure. 

He’s always been great in every movie I’ve seen him in yet I don’t think I’ve seen even a small percentage of his movies. Loved him in The Great Escape, Space Cowboys and Murphy’s Romance and, yeah, that’s about it. 

Somehow, back in the day, I managed to *not* see his entire run on the Rockford Files. All six seasons slid right by me. But thanks to a zillion channels that play old shows, I finally got to see them all recently. 

Jim Rockford wasn’t a superhero who won every fight. He was maybe the most realistic, grounded private eye there ever was. He lost as much as he won and barely scraped by most of the time, with the help of friends like Dennis (a cop), Angel (ex con) and his dad, Rocky, among others. By and large, I always enjoyed every episode I watched. It was always worth it. You can’t say that about a lot of shows. Always some clunkers here and there but not with Rockford. Almost consistently a quality ride. 

THE ROCKFORD FILES — Pictured: James Garner as Jim Rockford — (Photo by: Fred Sabine/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank)

Speaking of which, Garner did all his own stunt driving in the show, which was pretty impressive. Usually studios don’t let their actors do possibly dangerous stunts but with Garner, arrangements were always just a bit different. He must have set up contracts a bit differently when he took on a job. Things could also get contentious. 

During the years filming the beloved show (from ’74 to ’80), Garner was pushing 50 and he had really bad knees, so running was always a nightmare for him. I guess he wanted to take off some time to get surgery but the studio wouldn’t let him, citing too much time away from shooting, which of course pissed him off. 

He eventually left the show in the middle of the sixth season, and I think was embroiled in legal action with the producers. 

It seemed to be a recurring theme in his career.

Side note: one of the main writers on the show was a young David Chase, who’d go on to create The Sopranos. 

But he did return for a series of Rockford TV movies in the ’90’s but I can’t say I’ve seen them yet either. At some point I will and, knowing Garner, and Rockford, I won’t be disappointed.

I’ll talk about his other and *first* famous role next time: Maverick.

The Superior Spider-man – part one

This is a bit tricky. See, I do like the concept of Spider-man, but for a long while now, it’s become its own worst enemy. Please bear with me as I lay the groundwork with what has gone before, which will highlight my appreciation for the main focus of this entry. To do that, you have to remember where Spider-man and Peter Parker came from and who they were. 

Now, for those of you coming in a half century late and missing the movies…

When the comic started back in the early ’60’s, it featured wimpy loser and nerd Peter Parker, a 15 year old high school student who lived with his aunt and uncle, who were drawn to look 65. Granted, that was just how artist Steve Ditko drew things.

Peter was a science nerd and was bitten by a radioactive spider while observing an experiment. The incident gave him the proportionate strength, speed and agility of a spider, along with the ability to stick to walls and a sixth sense about any approaching danger, a “spider-sense”. 

Young Parker immediately took advantage of the situation, first fashioning a costume and then by cashing in by crashing wrestling bouts and appearing on tv, grabbing fat stacks of cash. He was a fast star, The Amazing Spider-man! The power and fame immediately went to his head. So much so, that when the arrogant youth had the chance to stop a fleeing robber from the police, he let a thief getaway. When the cop asking him why he didn’t lift a finger to help, especially with his abilities, Peter said it wasn’t his problem. 

So the robber who he let get away, scrammed out of Manhattan, found his way all the way over to Queens, broke into the Parker household and just happened to kill Peter’s Uncle Ben, during the break in. Oops. 

Spider-man tracked the villain down and saw it was –amazingly– the same robber HE let get away downtown!

GUILT.

Now realizing that With Great Power, there Comes Great Responsibility, Peter becomes a devoted, selfless hero fighting crime to never let something like what happened to uncle Ben ever happen again. And you’ve got one of the most successful superhero franchises in the history of comics.

And for at least a good decade or more, the book was firing on all cylinders.

Young Peter did great work, fighting against the likes of Doctor Octopus, the Sandman, Green Goblin, and more. There was an interesting contrast in this young kid, still in high school, having to tackle these dangerous types, while at the same time caring for his doting, aged, sickly, withered aunt May.

Even though the creative team steering the book (Stan Lee, Steve Ditko) had Peter graduate high school and go to college, he was still plagued with every day troubles. He was always strapped for cash and May was always halfway into rigor-mortis. He was constantly berated by his boss at the Daily Bugle, who he took pics for as a photog, had to keep his grades up and all the while, trying to make time with the ladies, in particular, the wonderful Gwen Stacy. 

The point is, if ever there was a relatable superhero secret ID, Peter Parker was it. He was every nerd, every kid who had trouble, an underdog, someone who pined for someone who ignored you, you name it. And even in the late ’60’s/early ’70’s, when Peter was finally getting into a somewhat stable relationship with Gwen, he still had the old Parker luck, where things went bad just as often as good. 

Mind you, even though it’s now 1973, and the book had already been around for a decade, it *had* to keep going. Month after month. And since the creators didn’t tend to think in terms of these titles lasting over 50 years, they started to progress the characters life, taking Peter from high school to college and getting him into a serious relationship. The kind of relationship that would have stood the test of time.

So…..where do you go from here? After a decade of web slinging, the creators found themselves painted into a bit of a corner. 

Time passes differently in comics.

Peter could have easily stayed in high school for the decade, thus ensuring it would be another decade or more in college and maybe the ’90’s before the next stage of his life but no, Lee and Ditko busted him out of high school in issue 28, 1965. Back then, the characters were almost aging in real time, which again, Stan and Steve weren’t thinking long term at ALL.

So now, a decade later in ’73, editor Roy Thomas and writer Gerry Conway decide the only interesting thing they can do is kill off Gwen Stacy.

They do.

Then what follows is 40 years of Peter getting older, marrying Mary Jane Watson, who’s now a supermodel, dealing with loads of clones, revealing his ID to the public…..

….This was not really the relatable young nerd with problems anymore. Peter was married to a supermodel and was gainfully employed. Yeah, he still had problems but come on……so……

…….Editorial made him make a deal with the devil to make the public forget his ID AND make like his marriage never happened ……. and just stuff like that in general, lacking a lot of inspired creativity or common sense. 

No one really knew what to do with the character anymore to keep him moving forward yet remain the same. It’s kind of a no win scenario. Admittedly, most of the time, I wasn’t interested anymore. Especially in the new directions the creators were taking him.

And then came The Superior Spider-man. 

Dan Slott was writing the book and frankly, it was the same old same old, but then he got an interesting idea. 

Otto Octavius (Doctor Octopus), was on his deathbed, barely being kept alive by machines. But his brilliant mind had a back doorway escape clause. He managed to insert his consciousness from his dying body into Peter’s mind and vice versa. Now, Otto was in command of Spider-man’s body while Peter lay trapped in Otto’s slowly rotting carcass. It was horribly, fiendishly brilliant. 

Slott plays it perfectly, though. Peter manages, through sheer force of will to hang on, in order to stop Otto. Peter manages to get some villainous assistance to break him out and “plot revenge” on Spider-man, with the actual plan being trying to figure out how to get the minds switched back. It ain’t pretty.

Otto switched minds with Peter by injecting him with some kind of probe in the back of the skull which facilitated the switch. When the two finally confront one another, the dying Parker tries to duplicate the injection/switch but Ock was ready for him, shielding the back of his skull. 

*Usually*, this would have been where the hero takes back his mind and wins the day. But he fails. As his life fades away, Peter Parker locks eyes with Octavius. And BOTH men see Peter Parker’s life flash before their eyes. It has an effective on Otto.

Peter Parker is dead. 

Doc Ock has won.

He is now The Superior Spider-man. 

To be concluded next Friday.

It’s Not Their Year

Admittedly, the 2020 baseball campaign, like everything else, is a mess because of COVID but, after a bumpy start and a few groups of idiots screwing it up for everyone, they’ve actually made a go of it. Now, the season’s already two thirds of the way over and I think it’s safe to say 2020 is not the Cubs year.

Or I should say, the way they’re playing, they don’t look like World Series contenders. 

Sure, they’ve been in first place the whole time but the rest of the central sucks as well. If the Cubs stayed on their game, they’d be 35 and 5 now. Since the 13 and 3 start, they’ve barely been playing .500 ball. 

The Cardinals are probably a better team as a whole right now– which ALSO isn’t saying much. A bunch of them being idiots disregarding COVID protocols at the beginning of the year *really* screwed up their schedule. With tons of double headers coming up for them, they’re going to be put through the wringer, so who knows if they’ll be too beat up for the play offs?

But they will get in the playoffs. The majority of the teams will get in the playoffs. Because of course they will with the new set up. Because baseball, in its ongoing mission to cater to those with an ever shorter attention span is continuing to try and be flashier.

16 of the 30 teams will be in the playoffs. It may be more than, I’ve lost track with the other changes. The designated hitter is universal now, which, yeah, sure fine, less like professional ball, less strategy and tactics. 

*Yes, I’ve always considered the American League a lesser league because the DH. Always felt lazy and pathetic and now it’s universal. Way to go.

Extra innings starts a runner at second every time. Sure, why not, let’s hurry it up before someone’s mom calls them home to eat. Just seems more and more like little league than the MLB with all that.

The one change I do think is an improvement is that a reliever has to stay in to face a minimum of three batters. I like that because in recent years, the micro match ups had gotten RIDICULOUS in the late innings. It was very common to have  three or four pitching changes for relievers to face four or five batters in an inning. It got very tiresome seeing a half inning go 40 minutes just because if all the extra warm up tosses.

But back to the Cubs. They should make the playoffs as well, but as I was saying before, I’m not getting a great vibe. Sometimes you just know you’ve got something special when they’re coming from behind or are just dominant throughout any given series or they simply live up to their potential. You get that vibe. That hasn’t been the case for years now with the Cubbies. 

Oh, there are bright spots. Yu Darvish is absolutely killing it. As of the 2019 All Star break, he’s been one of the best pitchers in the game and he’s a definite candidate for a Cy Young right now. He truly doeshave the most astounding array of pitches in his arsenal. And he’s *really* gelling with Victor Caratini, his catcher. They’ve got a GREAT system in place that you do not want to mess with. This is what Theo paid for three years ago but Yu has arrived. I just wish he wasn’t almost alone in this.

Ian Happ and Jason Hayward are also having career years. It took Jay-Hey five years to get his mojo back but he’s killing it and Happ is one of the best sluggers in baseball right now. More power to them.

But the reason we’re dying on the vine are the big boys. Rizzo is slowly getting back in the swing of things but too slowly. Contreras is coming back as well. 

But the two biggest disappointments have been Bryant and Baez. Who’d have thought these two would be batting under .200? Is it a coincidence that both have infants at home, Bryant’s first and Javy has another on the way? Maybe the boys aren’t getting enough sleep because *something’s* distracting them. And it doesn’t help that Bryant is, as my friend Lou says “The man of glass.” He recently fouled a ball off his groin and I feared he’d have to retire. 

Bottom line, as a team, they’re not hitting with any consistency and don’t even get me started on how embarrassing they are this year when the base’s are loaded. 

And I know exactly where it all went wrong this year. After the 13 and 3, everybody started crowing about how it felt like 2016 again. Every time this mentality would hit in ’17, ’18 or ’19, they’d downshift into some BS complacency mode and here we are. They did the same thing last year, barely keeping their head above water and found themselves not even reaching the playoffs. 

It’s not even the starting rotation’s fault. Beyond Darvish–Lester, Hendricks and Mills have usually kept the damage to a minimum but the bats aren’t there. All I’m hearing are same tired excuses I’ve been hearing the last three seasons. 

The relief pitching. Not much good to say. Kimbrell’s only good when there’s no pressure. (?!) Well, we’ve got Jeffress anyway. 

I was hoping that Rossi would come in and kick these guys in the asses, since Maddon wasn’t the last couple years. The whole thing about him coming in was that he was going to hold people accountable. The good start may have short circuited that. Don’t know. 

I think we just have to face the fact that yes, there was a time when — on paper– this team was good enough to make it to the World Series at least two or three times in these five years– basically more like the Dodgers. We thought we were looking at a dynasty. 

In reality, it was something different. In ’16, you had a group of players at their peak, energized and coming through in the clutch. It was a perfect chemistry. But clearly, that chemistry changed and they’ve been regressing steadily every since. The window has officially closed on the dynasty bit. Another year or two and the make up, the players on this team will have very little in common with the championship version. 

It’s a shame but hey, no one can be *too* bummed. We had 2016. My grandfather was a lifelong Cubs fan, lived for 88 years, but was only one year old when the Cubs last won it all. I had to wait until I was 54, but at least I got to see it.

When it comes to Chicago team championships, it looks like the Cubs took the path of the Bears instead of the Bulls. I can live with that. 

And frankly, anything is possible in baseball. This screwy, stupid season, with the new playoff structure–anything can happen. It would just be nice if, just for a couple weeks starting at the end of September, Javy, Bryant, Rizzo, Contreras, Caratini, Kipnis, Heyward, Schwarbs, Happ and Hoerner could all get hot for awhile at the same time. And yeah, get better relief pitching otherwise, don’t bother.

We just have to hope Rossi can light the right fire. 

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