Chibey Chib Chib-Chibs’ first half of his era

Chris Chibnall is the current showrunner on Doctor Who. He is not thought too highly of as a writer or a showrunner in many circles. Some things about Chibs:

  1. In the mid ’80’s, an early teen Chris Chibnall appeared with other members of a Doctor Who fan club on a live TV show with then producer John Nathan Turner and two regular writing contributors, Pip and Jane Baker. Young Chibs was the most vocal of the young, criticizing the previous season 23 as very disappointing, poorly written and often silly. 
  2. Because of the popularity of Broadchurch, a show Chibs ran 3 or 4 years ago, the BBC actually wooed him into taking up the showrunning mantle of Doctor Who from the departing Steven Moffat. Chibs signed a five year deal to produce three, 10 episode series in those five years. 
  3. Chibs’ first series, 11, was every bit as disappointing, poorly written and silly as the classic season 23 he criticized years earlier. In fact, even worse. After a huge ratings premiere, the ratings took a huge nosedive, and kept sinking, continuing into S12, which kept sinking for the first four eps as people kept on leaving.
  4. Chibs wanted to be progressive and forward thinking, so he cast the first female Doctor. But instead of looking for the best candidate for such a momentous occasion, he hired his friend, Jodie Whitaker, who got bored researching the role, so she decided to base her Doctor on Doc Brown from Back to the Future. Whitaker’s lack of gravitas and familiarity with the show and the character have brought her under heavy criticism, while Chibnall’s substandard scripts haven’t served her well.
  5. Chibs also wanted to be very progressive and have a diverse spread of companions. People representing all ages, colors and disabilities. He gave initial attention to their backstories and then ignored them and focused on expanding the character of Graham, the middle aged white guy. But to this day, half way through the Chibnall era, all the companions are presented as useless, clueless characters to be written around or shoved to the side. 
  6. One of the main complaints about Chibnall scripts in S11 was the tendency to go heavy on preaching in episodes and talking down to the audience, aiming stories at a much younger audience, right down to some very Barney the Dinosaur like lectures or Scooby-Doo physical antics. No conflict, no danger, no real stakes, just blandness. Some people were content with this. Many were not.
  7. The BBC is reported to be very very unhappy with what Chibs did in S11 and how it performed so poorly against no other competition on Sunday nights. There may have been some commands or ultimatums put forth. 
  8. S12 has seen a jump in the action, raised stakes, more tension, drama and some actual excitement. As of S12, episode 5, roughly the halfway point of Chibnall’s  planned run, “Fugitive of the Judoon” has finally put the Chibnall era on the map, raising eyebrows. People are actually excited by a new, previously unseen incarnation of the Doctor. This time, a woman of color, another first for the show, played by Jo Martin, is a Doctor from the past, but not one who’s remembered by Whitaker’s version. 
  9. This episode also featured the return of Captain Jack Harkness, which really had no purpose whatsoever except to maybe giving the three useless companions something to do and someone to talk to. On the bright side, Jo Martin is a vastly superior Doctor to Jodie in every way and she shows this in her every action, every line as the Doctor. Jodie’s at her very best in this one, yet pales in comparison to Jo. But Martin does prove without a shadow of a doubt that a woman can definitely be the Doctor.
  10. The upcoming controversy seems to be that Martin’s Doctor may actually be an incarnation that emerged and operated for the Time Lords between 2nd Doctor Patrick Troughton and 3rd Doctor Jon Pertwee, as the audience never saw the regeneration/changeover from Troughton to Pertwee. When last we saw Troughton, he was fading from view into darkness as his features started to change. When we first see Pertwee, he’s stumbling out of the TARDIS, passing out, presumably in Troughton’s clothes.
  11. Chibs is seemingly trying to exploit two loopholes here. First, that gap between 2 and 3 I mention above. Second, that the Human metacrisis Doctor that Tennant created in Journey’s end was indeed *not* counted as one of the thirteen bodies, and Martin would be the missing puzzle piece. So I wouldn’t necessarily have an issue with any of that.
  12. What I do have an issue with is the fact that Chibnall is always just stealing old story ideas left and right. In Spyfall part 2, he blatantly stole from The Sound of Drums, Age of Steel, Blink, the Big Bang and others. Did it again in Orphan 55 with Mysterious Planet. He did it again Judoon but more subtly (maybe thanks to co-writer Patel). Now, he’s trying to rip off Moffat and the War Doctor idea. If he was a better writer, I’d feel differently about the theft because everyone borrows from the greats. Borrowing from the former greats in your own show, from seasons just a few years earlier though is a bit lame. Maybe desperate.

So I guess we’ll see where Chibs takes the second half of his run. It’s definitely got possibilities, I just wish he was a better writer, a more imaginative one, someone who knew how people interact with other people. He’s absolutely horrible with that aspect. It looks like one or more of the current companions are leaving at the end of S12 and I can only say good riddance. Thanks to the massive amount of crap writing, these three have been a huge waste of dialogue, and a waste time that could have been better spent of more interesting plots and details. 

In Chibs’ “valiant” effort to be so forward thinking on diversity, he never thought about the fact that he’d have a responsibility to these characters to actually flesh them out, respect them and except for Graham, he hasn’t done that. Even the Doctor, and if he doesn’t like or respect characters, the audience won’t either. The mere fact that he thought he was blazing a trail with diverse companions is a joke. In the new Who era, we’ve had Mickey, Martha and Bill, all vastly more well written and realized than any of the current set. 

Even within the TARDIS crew, after a series and a half, they don’t know each other well, the Doctor treats them like distant acquaintances (but calls them her “fam”) and has shown she really doesn’t care about them. The “fam” stumble around planets, gasping and blinking numbly, not even caring much about what goes on. No one else cares, so we don’t either. Chibs has done everyone here a disservice. Let’s hope that with the help of other more gifted writers, he can right the ship a bit in the second half of his era. 

No Evil Shall Escape His Sight

The dead machine burst through the clouds at Mach one within a green sphere. Inside the renegade flight simulator, the test pilot had no control, so he held tight, trying to keep a cool head. In the distance, large rocky outcroppings were approaching very quickly. But just as the pilot’s heart threatened to hammer free of his chest… soft, smooth, deceleration. His craft was then gently lowered and set down on the desert floor near a rocky base. The Green subsided, the simulator hatch yawned open. As the pilot tentatively reached the opening, out beyond the rocks he saw the wreckage. Another crash. Closer, in the shadows, he saw someone lying very still,  head and shoulders propped up against the rocky wall. A few pieces of machinery lay around him… some tools perhaps, and a lantern. As he moved closer, he could tell the stranger was holding his side, injured. And something diff–

He wasn’t human. The pilot stopped, unsure what to do. The stranger’s clothes — form fitting, almost like a streamlined flight suit, green and gray-black. But his skin….it was an intense purplish red. Definitely not human. But whatever, whoever this was, his eyes opened … filled with pain. The stranger’s head turned toward the him, the pilot came to his side, where he could see the wound that was going to kill this man. When the stranger tried to speak, the pilot leaned in closer. 

“What is your….. name?”

“Hal….my name is Hal Jordan. Don’t try to talk. Maybe I can get help.”

“No, Hal Jordan of Earth. My time is… almost finished. That is why I had the ring seek you out. Here…”

The stranger took a ring off his finger, placing it in the pilot’s hand, which he then closed and gripped with his own trembling hands. The stranger from another world then closed his eyes…concentrated… and began talking to Jordan. But Hal realized he could hear the stranger speaking in his head.

Hal Jordan of Earth… I am Abin Sur. I patrol sector 2814 as part of the Green Lantern corps. But my time is done and my ring has chosen you to replace me. I sent it to find someone who is brave, bold, fearless. You, Hal Jordan, are that man. You will command the ring’s energy through will power. The Lantern charges the ring when you recite the Oath. Listen carefully and then repeat it out loud…

A few moments later, Abin Sur was still. The desert air whipped through the rocks.

Hal Jordan stood up. He glanced at the stranger and then down at the ring in his hand. It felt alive. He put it on, and pointed it in the direction of the Lantern next to body of the stran–next to Abin Sur. And then he spoke. A steady voice. Clear, determined:

“In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night,

No Evil Shall Escape My Sight.

Let Those Who Worship Evil’s Might, 

Beware My Power, Green Lantern’s Light!”

And the earth shook.

It was 1959. Writer John Broome and artist Gil Kane created the latest incarnation of the Green Lantern. Hal Jordan would be wielding the ring on and off for over 60 years.  He’s had some good runs in the comics over the years. My favorite is The New Frontier by Darwin Cooke. Hal shares the stage with other silver age DC heroes but it’s a fantastic late ’50’s period piece. Ryan Reynolds did the GL movie a while back– no, it wasn’t as bad as you may have heard and it’s worth a watch. The other popular GL is John Stewart, whose star shines brightest in the animated Justice League series. Well worth checking out. HBO MAX will be producing a new Green Lantern series, which I’m also curious about. There’s a lot to like about the Green Lantern. The Green constructs he creates with the ring’s energy, limited only by his will power. The Guardians of the main power battery on OA, his arch enemy Sinestro, etc. 

But the thing IS…… it’s that Oath….. oh, that oath…

Go ahead… say it out loud. I dare ya. 

DWS12E4: Fugitive of the Judoon!

***WARNING: Spoilers abound!****

With this daring adventure, Chibnall either began unveiling his own master plan which has been brewing since he got the gig but decided to wait until he was halfway through his run to enact it… or the Beeb had made it very apparent that he had to up his game BIG time to save his butt and maybe Doctor Who itself. FAST. I’m thinking the latter but nevertheless, high octane engaged! 

First he set the scene and kept us wondering what’s really going on while we enjoyed the Judoon being back. That was fun. Then the fam disappeared and no one, especially the Doctor, cared, but that’s normal. She barely thinks about her pet– I mean her “fam”. Then we start wondering what the deal is with Ruth and where’d she get the mad fighting skills!?!! “Baby, she tore off his horn!”

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Second, a chunk of the episode is spent on a diversion. See, once again, the fam are utterly useless. Even with two writers, they have no idea how to utilize them, so hey! Let’s get Barrowman back for an afternoon, that gets him out of Chib’s hair and gives the fam something to do! The viewers will be so shocked at seeing Jack, they won’t realize those ten minutes were a stall! High five!

Third, the real magic happens, instead of a fob watch, it’s a break the glass sign. Instead of the Master, or whoever, it’s the Doctor?! What’s more, this is a more imposing, impressive, better dressed Doctor who frankly has shown up the incumbent in less then ten minutes. Jo Martin has got gravitas, a much nicer console room, mad fighting skills and proves that a woman does have what it takes to be the Doctor. 

Is this Doctor truly pre-Hartnell or from a parallel universe?

I’m still not sure whether to be impressed, amazed or repulsed by the brazen explosion of flash over substance that’s successfully keeping us buzzing about a story that has barely started. But so far, it’s exciting.

CAN Chibs keep this thrill ride moving?

CAN the fam be killed off so we won’t have to waste more time on them in the future?

CAN they deliver a returning audience *and* ratings?

Tune in next time!

Same Who time, same Who channel!

…..because the thing IS…..I have to *rewatch* this one……

MO FO TOR MUH HORN!

I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!

I don’t think I have an unhealthy obsession with Breaking Bad. If I did, I’d probably still be watching it now, over and over. I believe I’ve watched the entire series at least five times. It’s not exact because I’m sure I went back and rewatched the earliest eps more often whenever I went back for recaps, etc. at the end of every season. Especially the mind blowing ending to season 4 and of course 5A and B.

I watched the Colombian version as well. Yes, a production company down Columbia way decided to redo the entirety of the show, all 62 episodes. I think it was called “Metastasis” and it was on Netflix. Don’t know if it’s still there but it was truly fascinating to see this entire cast of Colombian actors tackle this series. They had to make certain adjustments with the little things here and there but it was an almost shot for shot recreation of Vince Gilligan’s baby. By and large, they did a decent job and Walter Blanco was good, although Bryan Cranston is a very tough act to follow. If there was an out and out failure in this production, it was the casting of the twins. They obviously were hard up for actual twins, as these doughy guys didn’t seem very threatening. But over all, the production is a fascinating look at and tribute to Breaking Bad.

I’m also avoiding spoilers because even though it’s been seven years since the show went off air, there are still people gravitating toward it who’ve never seen it before and I’m envious of anyone who’s going to get to witness this story for the first time. It’s a helluva ride and worth every minute. 

I remember them almost losing me early on with a particularly gory scene in season 1, episode 3. Gore is not my thing but there was a particular reason for it in this instance and they never had to go that route again. Plenty edge of the seat drama was coming down the line. I’m *really* glad I stuck around. 

Now we have Better Call Saul, a prequel featuring Bob Odenkirk reprising his role as Saul Goodman or more accurately, Jimmy McGill, his real name. The AMC series begins some six years before Saul meets up with Walt and Jesse in BB season 2. The show reveals the path McGill took to eventually become Saul and through four seasons, he’s coming closer to his world intersecting with Walter White. I’m *speculating* that season 5 might run parallel to or just run up to where BB begins and maybe season 6 might be the last as things run parallel.

Each season of BCS starts out with a black and white flash forward in time, so I have no idea how this thing will end but the longer it goes, the closer it gets to the events of Breaking Bad and maybe beyond. 

When BCS does end, in the next year or two, then yes, I will certainly pick up the timeline and binge the mother show all over again. 

I’ll then follow it up with El Camino, the Breaking Bad movie that serves as a sort of epilogue to the story and a welcome one at that. 

I think I can say with a certainty that I do not have to go back and watch the Colombian one again. I’m good. But if you know of any other country that’s done a version, well……let me know…..

There’s No Crying in Baseball! Plenty of Cheating Though

Time was, in major league baseball, pitchers could and would add substances to the baseball. Vaseline, an emery board, you name it, anything to get the ball juuuust right for their pitches. Eventually, it went very public and the League had to step in. Gaylord Perry bragged about his mistreatment of the ball (cheating) all the way to the Hall of Fame! That’s not good, but it was overlooked for a long time before the hammer came down.

Some batters would add too much pine tar too high up on the bat, or use a corked bat, etc. The whole steroids thing started out slow and under the radar, then it got far more pronounced, abused and ended up being a huge mess — finally, again, the league had to step in — and a stain on the game that still hasn’t gone away. And yet a lot of pitchers agree that they’d rather face a batter on steroids than one that knows what pitches are coming ahead of time.

So now we know where to place this latest cheating scandal. A lot of players knew about the cheating or at least suspected it, having heard the garbage can technique * At home, the Astros would be getting a live feed of the game, and caught the signals from the catcher. They’d then signal the batter via two raps on the garbage can, telling them whether the next pitch was either a fastball or off speed pitch, allowing them to set up differently than they normally would. The opposing pitchers knew something was up. Kudos to the A’s Mike Fiers for finally saying something. It couldn’t have been easy for him, as a lot of players would rather the entire game of baseball be an illegitimate, meaningless joke, rather than someone breaking the code of silence. Screw them. 

How many other teams, players, their careers were adversely affected by the Astros’ line to line cheating in 2017? I hear players who spoke up during the investigation got immunity from their actions that season. The Astros’ manager, Hinch got fired. Their GM got fired. Alex Cora, former Astros coach, one of the masterminds of the cheating set up, then Red Sox manager, who took his team to and won the World series in 2018, got fired. Beltran, the new Mets manager and another Astros coach during the infamous year didn’t even start his season and got fired. 

Everybody got nailed except the players who actually did the deed. Then we hear allegations about Altuve, Bregman, Reddick and who knows who else wearing wires under their jersey’s and getting signals about pitches ahead of time via short, mild electric bursts. Good to see they adapted and upgraded to a new level of douchebaggery. There’s even a very incriminating video of Altuve approaching home plate after a homer, where he’s visibly instructing the awaiting team at home plate to NOT rip off his jersey, which they *always* do. Suddenly he’s shy? Or hiding something?

Baseball Commissioner Manfred is in a tough spot. A lot of people are screaming for the 2017 WS title to be voided, the rings taken back. They’re also calling for guys like Altuve and anyone else connected to this banned for life from baseball. I’m good with that. But although Manfred is supposed to protect the game, if he does something that costs the game money, that costs his overlords, the owners, money. Oh yeah, the Astros’ organization got fined a whole 5 million for the ’17 scandal. Because rules set in place years ago dictated that’s the most money that can be leveled in a fine against an organization. And yes, that is chicken feed to the Astros. Manfred’s a paper tiger who’s about to get shredded, I fear.

Here’s an idea, get rid of video replay, have the umpires just do their job, get rid of all tech anywhere near the dugout, cut off all signals to the dugout and clubhouse. 

But yeah, I don’t care who it is. Altuve, Trout, Rizzo, Bryant, whoever. If they’re pulling this crap, boot ‘em out. I only have one sport that I watch. Baseball. Clean it up or get out of it.

Look at my Thing

Today, we’re going to highlight a few of the more unusual pieces from my Thing collection.

Once in a while, I would search through eBay for interesting figures of the Thing in one form or another. There are some truly great ones and bizarre ones that I’ve never bothered with because of the price but as we can see, there are plenty of cheap options available. there’s never been much of a backstory to a lot of these pieces because they’d get plopped on eBay and off you go. I’ll tell you what little I do know about them.

First up is a marble with a tiny Jack Kirby illustration of the Thing on it. The King is not well represented in Thing merchandise in my collection and I find that sad. Of the plethora of Thing action figures and statues that have come out, none have accurately represented Jack’s work or really even attempted it. there was the time when the Randy Bowen company attempted to honor Kirby by doing a series of the Fantastic four statues based on an old over-sized Treasury edition comic reprint. It was a excellent book with an excellent cover and the statues are truly fantastic, I have the set. I appreciate the fact that they tried to honor Jack by sculpting the statues off the illustration. Unfortunately, in conversation with them, I had to give them the bad news that the illustration wasn’t done by Kirby but in fact, John Romita Sr., who had taken over the art chores on the FF after Kirby left. Ooops. Still, so many figures have come out since in the style of many other artists, Davis, Adams, Wieringo, McKone, but no Kirby. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a crime. 

This next selection contains some of the Mexican bootleg figures that are often prominent on eBay. All they usually are listed as are “Mexican bootleg! The Thing!” some are in such bad shape and expensive enough that I pass on them but then you get fun ones that are bad, yet clean, in decent shape and worth the $20 plus shipping. amongst this layout, you’ll see an egg shaped Thing, a slingshot, a 12” figure with almost no articulation and honest to god, a lamp, cheesy as hell. But it works!

Then we have the curious case of Thing sculpted out of wood. Very detailed and impressive, considering the medium. the once pointy teeth (?) have been shaved down to make it less disturbing (and really, the Thing isn’t even supposed to have teeth but I digress. It’s a very nice piece, and it has an orange stain to it as well. not a bad price for it either, if memory serves. It stands about 16 inches tall.


Next, this smiling, happy, stuffed, cushy, Thing figure is a rather big bundle of love around 16 to 18 inches tall. His claim to fame is that a couple of times, while my wife was downstairs cleaning, it leapt off the shelf and jumped on her ass. Twice. 

Hey baby….

Finally, the latest addition to the collection from the Marvel select division of action figures, piece #150!

It’s clobberin’ time….

I hope you’ve enjoyed looking at my Things…

CW’s DCVU Crisis Completed!

Time to put this to bed.

I’ll say they stuck the landing, what the hell. It would have been very difficult to maintain the quality they built to in part 3 but they did a decent job. 

Arrow: Part four was the establishing of Ollie as the Spectre, the origin story of the Monitor and Anti-Monitor, and the regrouping of the heroic avatars. Flash had to zoom around the speed force collecting his friends blah blah blah but the highlight was the Grant Gustin TV Flash  meeting the DCCU Ezra Miller Flash, adding a whole new dimension to the proceedings *and* lending Miller’s Flash some extra validation. Finally, the big battle at the dawn of time to take down the A-M, where many a flimsy shadow demon lost their wispy lives and Ollie/Spectre sacrificed his life to beat down the A-M and create the spark of the new universe while the avatars did….something…to help birth a new universe. They weren’t big on details. But evidently, the Multiverse was back! Somehow. Fade to white. 6/10

Legends Part Five: The multiverse was back but different. Flash, Supergirl, Black Lightning and the Legends are all on the same earth now. Everyone (including guest cameo Crisis writer Marv Wolfman) remembers it always being one earth with Flash and Supergirl together on it. Only the avatars remember what really happened except for Superman, who wasn’t an avatar but also wasn’t aware of how many kids he had now. Yeah, don’t know they screwed that up. There may have been some last minute shoehorning in of Superman since he’s got a new show coming out. They’re getting used to the new status quo, with ‘Jonn going around mentally clueing in the other heroes, battling giant stuffed animals because the Legends is a comedy show, etc. They discover that although the multiverse is back, the Anti-Monitor is not dead, so here come the wispy shadow demons and the A-M is growing to giant size and more powerful. Ray, Wells and Ryan Choi create a shrinking bomb that will continue to shrink the A-M into the Atomverse forever. We then get some marvelous fan service.

The Crisis being finally over, Ollie/Spectre narrates how the multiverse sprung forth again and shows glimpses of various earths:

Green Lantern and OA (coming soon to HBO/DC  streaming)

Titans (DC streaming service)

Doom Patrol (DC streaming service)

Stargirl and the Justice Society of America (DC streaming and CW)

But best of all, the former Kingdom Come Superman played by Brandon Routh, now in his familiar shot, flying above the earth, in the regular costume and colors, complete with the John Williams theme. This is the show/movie that I *want*.

Finally, the heroes gather together for the remembrance/dedication to Ollie and to represent their various shows. Once done, Barry announces that the space can be a new HQ whenever they need to get together in the future for any world threatening event. He even unveils the round meeting table and custom ID chairs. I would be absolutely stunned if this isn’t a prelude to the Justice League of America. As we leave the scene, we see that Gleek the monkey from Superfriends has escaped his cage and the exterior reveal is that the new HQ is in fact, the Hall of Justice from the Superfriends and the familiar theme plays us out. It actually was pretty rousing and exciting.  All in all, 7/10, well done. 

I know of at least one friend whose 10 year old son was so excited after watching it, he couldn’t get to sleep and was buzzing about it the next morning on the way to school. That’s a win.

Yes, yes, I was also humming the Superfriends theme for a full 30 minutes after the show too……it’s catchy!

Shameless plugs…

  • • As a regular contributor to the Doctor Who Companion — a lovely website run by a lovely man, Philip Bates, — it was my turn to do the full on review for the latest episode of Series 12, “Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror”. Written by Nina Metivier, the story takes place in 1903 New York, where Nikola Tesla has gained some Deadly attention with his work. While not spectacular, it is a step up from the usual Chibnall script antics. The entire review can be found HERE. Tell everyone you know.
  • “The Emil Farful Collection” is an assortment of thoughts and observations from Emil Farful, the Mad Monk on the Mountain. These absurd delights are communicated to me in Semaphore and then I illustrate them for you, the reader. You can find these humorous flights of idiocy available on Amazon but I present the link to you….. and only you, HERE. Now, go tell everyone what link you just got.
  • Mickey & Maj, the Book One and Two Collection is finally out as well! It should be available at your local comic store. If not, tell them to order it pronto! These are the adventures of 7 year old Mickey Hawthorne and his ancient, talking, flying magic carpet, Majestic. Fun, humor, heart and adventure as M & M explore all of time and space. But if you can’t make it to a comic store, try ComiXology, or even Amazon again, as they have it available HERE. All those people you told about all the other stuff? While they’re here….
  • Speaking of Mickey & Maj… you know, during their travels, one or the other of them usually took selfies along the way and made notes for a scrapbook they may be able to share with Mickey’s parents some day. Well, those selfies are yours for the looking at, because “Mickey & Maj, The Selfies” is also available at Amazon and you can snatch it up HERE. And don’t forget the part about telling people.
  • Finally… send the kids out of the room, so I can remind you about The Swede. He’s a hit man who likes to snap necks and is very efficient about it. Designed for a more mature audience who will admire a mostly visual story, this first volume gives us a peek at three of his assignments. The Swede is available — you’re not going to believe this — on Amazon and can be found HERE. Now, you can tell people in pretty much Amy country that has Amazon, too. 

I think that’s it for plugs. I’m exhausted. 

Fantastic Four in Cinema pt 5 – Casting the All Stars

Don’t worry, this is the last part…..

So, in 20 odd years, there were 4 different cinematic productions of the Fantastic Four, featuring 3 casts. But who did it best? 

Let’s ‘s start with Reed. Mr. Fantastic is always the biggest hurdle because introducing his stretching ability in a live action format can easily look more embarrassing than cool and often does. But while the 2015 version had the best FX budget of the lot, it barely showed the ability anyway and really, this is all about who played the part the best. Who best brought Reed Richards to life? I have to eliminate Miles Teller, just as I do the rest of the 2015 production because again, they weren’t playing anything like the characters I knew and that was by design anyway. Even the brilliant Michael B Jordan as the Torch. And Ioan Gruffud (pronounced Ian Griffith), was a very sedate and wish washy Reed that was “okay” but never impressive enough. Maybe it was an after effect of Gruffud having to do an American accent, I don’t know. No, I have to say that the best Reed was actually best represented by Alex Hyde White from the Corman production. Hyde White’s Reed was confident and brilliant but not arrogant and even hampered by the rather unforgiving spandex, he managed a quiet dignity in the part.

Sue’s bit tough. In the comics, the character was very much a put upon, fragile and “delicate” woman of the 1960’s, subject to the whims and chauvinism of the times. She really came into her own as a more layered and powerful woman during John Byrne’s run in the 1980’s. But as to who most accurately represented her from the comic? Who brought her to life the best? That’s tough, as none of them really stood out head and shoulders among the others, but I think Rebecca Staab gets the nod. 

Michael Chiklis wins as we compare Ben Grimm as he’s the best actor of the bunch who also got closest to the character. Ben could be a complex character as he was naturally very bitter and devastated after his transformation. Chiklis carried it off very well and kept a decent balance between the anger, disappointment and humor. But as far as the look of the Thing, that’s a closer contest. Chiklis had the full body suit and the prosthetics but could still talk and you could see his eyes, as that’s very important for an actor. It also helps the other actors to be able to talk to someone in person during a scene, act to someone who’s in the room as opposed to a CGI character they add in later. But Michael Bailey Smith in the Corman production had maybe the best Thing costume of all–whether he was actually in it at all, I don’t know. It had a more pronounced brow, was a darker rocky orange and quite impressive, even if talking in it was not quite as successful. But both could move and fight in scenes. 2015’s Thing was an impressive CGI monster, but even farther away from the established character than his teammates were with theirs. It looked more like Korg from Ragnarok and was about 7 or 8 feet tall.  

That’s always been a bugaboo with me. You get comic artists who come on to draw the FF or the Thing guest starring in some book, etc. Some of these people draw been 7, 8 or 10 feet tall, towering over everyone. Wrong. Yeah, artistic license–blow me. If you just *have* to draw a giant monster and just want to ignore the proper look of the character, and editors don’t have the balls to do their job and correct you, just get over yourself and maybe respect the character. The Thing is six foot at most. Part of his charm is that he’s not as tall as the Hulk, or Sasquatch or Colossus or Juggernaut. He’s pretty much regular height. The slab of rocks in the 2015 film looked interesting but was not the Thing. 

Although Jay Underwood did a good job of depicting Johnny Storm, Chris Evans, as usual really took the character to the next level. Underwood’s portrayal *was* closer to the comics but again, Evans not only inhabited the character but somehow reinvented it, so he gets the nod. Wonder whatever happened to him?

Doctor Doom’s ranking is a sad state of affairs, as he hasn’t even shown up properly since the Corman film. Joseph Culp was fine as Victor, who was properly scarred in an explosion and returns later as the armored megalomaniac, Doctor Doom. He doesn’t have any powers–as it should be — just an accurate and menacing suit of armor, plans for world domination, and revenge on Reed Richards. Another point for the Corman production. In several instances, even though they didn’t have anything remotely close to a humane budget, they did go out of their way to get things *right*, even if the end result wasn’t as spectacular as one might have hoped. 


So, in the end, we had Corman giving us the best Reed, Doom, and maybe Sue, while the 2005 and ’07 productions gave us the best Ben and Johnny. I’m glad we settled that, since nobody was asking. Who’s going to be cast when Marvel does their version? Who do I want them to cast? Don’t know, but I still trust Marvel. I would be interested in seeing them doing it as a period piece that takes place in 1961. It would tie in nicely to have a cameo by Peggy Carter and Shield, maybe even a young Hank Pym, but it taking place back then would also set it apart from the regular MCU and give us yet another setting and theme — 1960’s and monsters, via the Moleman and his minions. A big budget cinematic reimagining of FF #1 would be great. Leave Doom out of it, except for a cameo in the post credits.  Maybe he shows up in the second one and maybe do the Coming of Galactus properly in the third. Director Peyton Reed, who directed the Ant-man films, is a good friend of Kevin Feige and has stated –and pitched– in the past that he would love to set an FF film in the ’60’s. So who knows? Absolutely anything can happen in the MCU, from Thanos to Howard the Duck, anywhere from Wakanda to Asgard because the thing IS.

Fantastic Four in Cinema pt 4 – “Fant4stic”, or “No, You’re Getting Colder”

In 2015, with the clock running out on Fox’s possession of the rights to the Fantastic Four on film, they decided to film another one at the eleventh hour, thus keeping the FF hostage at Fox for another seven years. The calibre of film was a bit suspicious as well. They hired Josh Trank to direct the film. Trank’s big claim to fame was Chronicle, a very well done, low budget project that was a cross between a “found footage” doc and a superhero film. I’m only speculating here but if Fox was anxious to just get something out there as a placeholder to maintain the rights, it’s very possible they’d want to keep the budget as low as possible at the same time. 

Now, during filming, it eventually became apparent that all was not well on the set. At one point, Trank would just retreat to his trailer and not come out. Later, he was basically fired and there were some reshoots. Obviously *something* was going on behind the scenes. For the longest time after it are out, word of mouth had it that this film was shunned as the rankest piece of garbage anywhere and I had no interest in seeing it. For all intents and purposes, it seemed as if there were a lot of bizarre and just plain stupid decisions.

Evidently, a young Ben Grimm would get beaten by his brother, who’d always say “It’s Clobberin’ Time”. Once again, Von Doom would be involved in the accident that gave them powers and would once again go all robot or something. This iteration was also more loosely based on The Ultimate Fantastic Four comic. This wasn’t the original FF but one from a different universe, all part of the Marvel Ultimate universe, where Reed and Ben weren’t older veterans around 40 but closer to 21. It also wasn’t a real great comic that didn’t even do that well in sales, so to base a movie on it…? And of course the biggest head scratcher was that Sue’s brother Johnny was now black. We just assumed a mixed race family but you’d think it would have just been easier to just make Reed or Ben black, if you absolutely felt like you had to suddenly make one of the team black. A lot of unusual choices.

Eventually, I had the opportunity to see the film on cable and figured, what he’ll. Let’s see how bad it actually is. I’ve sat through Batman & Robin, I’ve sat through The Spirit, so I should be able to take this. 

It actually was quite good. For the first 45 minutes or hour. I mean, it wasn’t the FF I knew by any means but instead, that first hour was a really gripping Twilight Zone episode. It approached the team members, their accident and its effects like a kind of scientific horror show. What would really happen if someone went through this and managed to live. Imagine the horror of seeing yourself on fire. Or being strapped to a table and having your limbs forcibly stretched out and restrained. Or simply not being able to see yourself. Imagine being this giant, monstrous creature made of crumbling stone. They showcased the real nightmare this would be. In fact, I highly recommend watching the first hour. It seems to be Trank’s vision and it all works magnificently on its own as a horror film.

But then something happened. That last half hour was when things shifted. Now I can see why Trank was retreating into his trailer and eventually got fired. It’s apparent that Fox wanted to stop Trank’s version, shift away from the sci-fi horror, and pivot to good old fashion superhero versus super villain. And in that shift, they lost their momentum, the narrative, and a chunk of the acting as well. I think the crew would have all been happier seeing Trank’s vision though to the end. Ah well. It was that hostile takeover and dopey shift that sunk the film–at least as far as it being a good film. Even if they stuck with Trank’s vision to the end, it might have been an excellent film all the way through, but it wouldn’t have been the FF as I or any fan know them. And while that’s not horrible, it is disappointing, this being the fourth film made about this team. 3/10, and it’s that high because the first hour was intriguing. 

Since then, Disney and Marvel actually acquired the rights for The FF and the X-men, getting them back from Fox by basically buying Fox, or at least the entertainment portion of it. So cheers were loud and glasses were raised. The Fantastic Four had come home at last.

Now, we wait. Probably until 2022, since we haven’t heard anything yet from Fiege, about casting, a time table, etc., which is ironic because if Fox still had the rights, they’d have to shove something out there again by 2022 just to keep ’em, because the Thing IS. 

Tomorrow, (the royal) we wrap up FF cinema week with my all star cast…

Fant4stic. Yeah.
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